Forcing myself to go to Al-Anon meeting tonight

[SwimDeep]

I was amazed at how much peace I found when I started going to al-anon. I didn't even say anything the first few times I went, but people introduced themselves to me and made me feel welcome. It was amazing to hear people talk about things that I thought I was alone in experiencing. I just sat and listened. The peace was overwhelming.
I hope you have as good an experience as I had at my first meeting.

[btay]

I am glad you are finding the time to go, you will be suprised how much weight is lifted just from attending meetings and knowing you are not alone.

[bronco]

That is great you are making yourself go! I'm thinking about making myself go to a meeting this week too. I hope that it helps you and that you are able to get some support out of it! It's hard carrying the weight of life, kids and then carrying H's crap on top of everything else!!

[Deleted]

Jul 30, 2014 19:43:22 GMT -5 @evelynrichards said:

Well, I went and I feel so much better. The ball of stress is gone, at least for now. I really feel relief. I didn't talk but it was still so valuable.

I'm happy to read this.  Isn't it great knowing you aren't alone.

[btay]

Definitely keep going to meetings as often as you need/can. I know some people who went every day in the beginning. With time you will be able to take what you learn from the meetings and apply them to every day. I would also look into getting a contact list at the meeting of anyone who would be willing to take calls if you ever are having a rough time outside of a meeting.

[SwimDeep]

Jul 31, 2014 8:07:54 GMT -5 @evelynrichards said:

Blech, all stressed again this morning. I can't even be around DH without getting that knot in my stomach. I'm going to try to get to another meeting this weekend, or at least next week. I really need to keep going.

I know exactly what you're feeling. I still get knots in my stomach when I can tell H is in a bad mood. It's really hard for me to keep from allowing his moods to affect mine. Sometimes he can be in a great mood and I still get stressed out (because I'm expecting the other shoe to drop any second). I really need to go to meetings more regularly.

[malibu]

Jul 31, 2014 8:07:54 GMT -5 @evelynrichards said:

Blech, all stressed again this morning. I can't even be around DH without getting that knot in my stomach. I'm going to try to get to another meeting this weekend, or at least next week. I really need to keep going.

I think I'm going to my first tonight (I know, I said I was going last week, it simply didn't work out schedule-wise). DD is at my parents', so I also don't have an excuse. I'm thrilled you found a little peace last night. I know your feelings of getting up and being instantly stressed. I'm having major anxiety that without the confirmation that DD was dropped off at daycare, H won't go to his OP program today.

I wish it was easy to say try to relax and have that help, but I know it doesn't. Easier said than done, right? I do find a little comfort reading the Al-Anon 'big book' and reminding myself that I can't change my H, he has to do it on his own. Can you try to find fifteen minutes, an hour, a half hour or something to de-stress? Stop and do yoga (I know, sounds dumb but it does help), listen to some relaxing music, do some meditation (again, sounds kind of stupid but they did this with us in the family program, and again, it does help)? Get some ice cream/frozen yogurt, get a meal from a restaurant you love?

[malibu]

Aw, @evelynrichards, I'm sorry. You and I could be twins in our situations. Same constant sick feeling. Same constant exhaustion. I forget, have you been to or are you planning on seeing a therapist? It's in my plans but I haven't done it yet.

I plan on going, and I know from my four days at the family program that hearing others' stories and what they're dealing with, which of course wasn't that much different than my own situation, was really beneficial in knowing that I'm not alone. This board, too, has been immensely helpful in being able to vent, release, kind of barf up words to make sense of things.

[malibu]

Me too. Meeee too. That whole 'detaching with love' thing has been a major struggle.

[SwimDeep]

Detaching with love? This is a term I haven't heard before. Could you tell me more about it? I've read about being enmeshed and learning how to not be enmeshed anymore. Is it kind of like that?

I have a feeling this is something I'm struggling with too. The way I was brought up, my entire purpose was to keep people in my family happy, always putting others before myself, etc... I have a very difficult time feeling content/happy if I feel like I haven't taken care of everyone. I'm just now starting to realize how codependent I am.

[btay]

Jul 31, 2014 14:13:03 GMT -5 SwimDeep said:

Detaching with love? This is a term I haven't heard before. Could you tell me more about it? I've read about being enmeshed and learning how to not be enmeshed anymore. Is it kind of like that?

I have a feeling this is something I'm struggling with too. The way I was brought up, my entire purpose was to keep people in my family happy, always putting others before myself, etc... I have a very difficult time feeling content/happy if I feel like I haven't taken care of everyone. I'm just now starting to realize how codependent I am.

www.hazelden.org/web/public/detachmentwithlove.page

[SwimDeep]

Thanks btay - That was really good to read!