Global Parenting Habits That Haven't Caught On In The U.S.
by Emily Lodish August 12, 2014 2:14 PM ET
from Children play outside at a day care center in Norway. Kids play outdoors, and take naps, even when it's extremely cold.
Children play outside at a day care center in Norway. Kids play outdoors, and take naps, even when it's extremely cold. Attachment Deleted
If there's one thing have in common with those , it's that they both show us just how varied parenting styles can be.
Argentine parents let their kids stay up until all hours; Japanese parents let 7-year-olds ride the subway by themselves; and Danish parents leave their kids sleeping in a stroller on the curb while they go inside to shop or eat.
Some might make American parents cringe, but others sure could use a close study. Vietnamese mothers, for instance, get their kids out of diapers by 9 months.
Read on for a sampling of parenting lessons from around the world:
1. In Norway, kids nap outside even in subzero temperatures
In Norway, . When a kid turns 1 year old, he or she starts going to Barnehage (Norwegian for "children's garden"), which is basically state-subsidized day care.
Parents pay a few hundred dollars a month and their kids are taken care of from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Toddlers spend a ton of time outside at Barnehage, even in extremely cold temperatures. It's not uncommon to see kids bundled up outside during a Scandinavian winter, taking a nap in their strollers.
Even with the obvious benefits provided by the government in Norway, some parents complain about the lack of creativity in people's approaches to parenting.
One American mother wrote:
"There's a sense that there's just one right way to do things. And everyone does it that way. In America there are different parenting styles — co-sleeping, attachment parenting, etc. Here there is just one way, more or less: all kids go to bed at 7, all attend the same style of preschool, all wear boots, all eat the same lunch ... that's the Norwegian way."
2. Vietnamese moms train their babies to pee on command
Here's a good one. In Vietnam, parents . Kind of like Pavlov with his salivating dogs. Except this is moms with peeing babies. The Chinese do it too, apparently. Parents start by noticing when their baby starts peeing and making a little whistle sound. Soon enough, the baby starts to associate the whistle with peeing and voila!
Think this sounds a little odd? Or a little like someone is conflating a kid with a pet schnauzer? Well, researchers say Vietnamese babies are usually out of diapers by 9 months. What do you think now?
3. Traditionally, Kisii people in Kenya avoid looking their babies in the eye
Kisii, or Gussii, moms in Kenya carry their babies everywhere, but they don't indulge a baby's cooing. Rather, when their babies start babbling, moms .
It's likely to sound harsh to a Western sensibility, but within the context of Kisii culture, it makes more sense. Eye contact is an act bestowed with a lot of power. It's like saying, "You're in charge," which isn't the message parents want to send their kids. Researchers say Kisii kids are less attention-seeking as a result. Babies in their strollers are parked outside a cafe in Copenhagen, a common sight in Denmark.
Babies in their strollers are parked outside a cafe in Copenhagen, a common sight in Denmark. Attachment Deleted
4. Danish parents leave their kids on the curb while they go shopping
In Denmark, writes Mei-Ling Hopgood in How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm, "children are frequently left outside to get frisk luft, or fresh air — something parents think is essential for health and hearty development — while caregivers dine and shop."
As you might imagine, this idea sends shivers down the spines of many parents in the United States. In New York, a couple (one of whom was Danish) was arrested for leaving their child outside a BBQ restaurant while they went inside to eat.
"I was just in Denmark and that's exactly what they do," Mariom Adler, a New Yorker out walking with her 2-year-old son, told the . "We would see babies all over unattended. We were stunned, frankly. But Denmark also struck us as exceptionally civilized."
5. In the Polynesian Islands, children take care of children
We're not talking any old big brother baby-sitting little sister here. We're talking organized kid collective.
Hopgood writes in her book that adults take the lead in caring for babies in Polynesia, but as soon as a child can walk, he or she is turned over to the care of other children.
"Preschool-aged children learned to calm babies," she wrote, "and toddlers became self-reliant because they were taught that that was the only way they could hang out with the big kids."
Jane and James Ritchie, a husband-and-wife anthropology team, observed a similar phenomenon over decades in New Zealand and the Polynesian Islands. But they don't think it would fly in the United States.
"Indeed in Western societies, the degree of child caretaking that seems to apply in most of Polynesia would probably be regarded as child neglect and viewed with some horror," they wrote in Growing Up in Polynesia. A child waits for the subway to arrive in Tokyo. Kids under 10 are often allowed to take the train by themselves.
A child waits for the subway to arrive in Tokyo. Kids under 10 are often allowed to take the train by themselves. Attachment Deleted
6. Japanese parents let their kids go out by themselves
Parents in Japan allow their kids a lot of independence after a certain age. It isn't uncommon for 7-year-olds and even 4-year-olds to ride the subway by themselves.
Christine Gross-Loh, author of Parenting Without Borders, lives in Japan for part of each year, and when she's there she lets her kids run errands without her, taking the subway and wandering around town as they may. But she wouldn't dare do the same back in the United States.
"If I let them out on their own like that in the U.S., I wouldn't just get strange looks," she told . "Somebody would call Child Protective Services."
7. Spanish kids stay up late!
Spanish families are focused on the social and interpersonal aspects of child development, according to Sara Harkness, a professor in the Department of Human Development and Family Studies at the University of Connecticut.
The idea of a child going to bed at 6:30 p.m. is totally alien to Spanish parents, Harkness told TED.
"They were horrified at the concept," she said. "Their kids were going to bed at 10 p.m." so they could participate in family life in the evenings. The same is true in Argentina, according to Hopgood.
8. Aka pygmy fathers win the award
For the Aka people in central Africa, the male and female roles are virtually interchangeable. While the women hunt, the men mind the children. And vice versa.
Therein lies the rub, according to professor Barry Hewlett, an American anthropologist. "There's a level of flexibility that's virtually unknown in our society," Hewlett told . "Aka fathers will slip into roles usually occupied by mothers without a second thought and without, more importantly, any loss of status — there's no stigma involved in the different jobs."
This flexibility, apparently, extends to men suckling their children. Ever wonder why men have nipples? That's why. A child eats vegetable soup in Lyon, France. Many French parents expect their kids to eat sophisticated adult dishes at a young age.
A child eats vegetable soup in Lyon, France. Many French parents expect their kids to eat sophisticated adult dishes at a young age.
9. French kids eat everything
Set mealtimes; no snacking whatsoever; the expectation that if you try something enough times, you'll like it. These are among the "food rules" in France that are taken as given. The result is , from foie gras to stinky cheese. Tell that to my nephew.
Post by stealthmom on Aug 12, 2014 15:16:43 GMT -5
I love the diaper trend in vietnam.
It bugs the crap out of me when american parents get all aghast to hear about a 2 yo being potty trained, like the kid was tortured to get him to pt SO EARLY.
no. 2 is on time. Just b/c everyone in the us is pting late doesn't make 2 early All of a sudden.
Post by cattledogkisses on Aug 12, 2014 15:20:55 GMT -5
As a lifelong New Englander, I can get behind going outside even when it's cold out. Lord knows that if we stayed inside when it was cold here we'd be inside half the year. The keys are dressing appropriately and being alert for signs of hypothermia.
wait, do the Norwegian kids at daycare nap outside? or just kids who are in strollers out and about?
Stroller sits outside, kid is placed in outdoor stroller and they nap there. Even at home, because that's what they're used to at barnehage.
Most normal thing in the world to them.
ETA: The kids are heavily bundled up. And there's a protector sheet thingy covering the opening of the pram (it's one of those lay flat ones, not a let's-get-around-Disney little number.)
wait, do the Norwegian kids at daycare nap outside? or just kids who are in strollers out and about?
Stroller sits outside, kid is placed in outdoor stroller and they nap there. Even at home, because that's what they're used to at barnehage.
Most normal thing in the world to them.
ETA: The kids are heavily bundled up. And there's a protector sheet thingy covering the opening of the pram (it's one of those lay flat ones, not a let's-get-around-Disney little number.)
Stroller sits outside, kid is placed in outdoor stroller and they nap there. Even at home, because that's what they're used to at barnehage.
Most normal thing in the world to them.
ETA: The kids are heavily bundled up. And there's a protector sheet thingy covering the opening of the pram (it's one of those lay flat ones, not a let's-get-around-Disney little number.)
Even at barnenage they sleep in a stroller?
Absolutely. That's where the routine starts.
I once saw a kid at a barnehage get down on all fours and drink from a puddle like a dog. It was cute. Nobody batted an eye (that I could see by walking by).
They're pretty chillax about things, which I appreciate!
Post by downtoearth on Aug 12, 2014 16:20:19 GMT -5
Random, but I read and dropped this book in the bathtub from the library, so I bought it.
It's a good read, but I'm pretty relaxed about parenting to begin with. I think it would be awesome to live in another country for a year or two as a parent of younger kids to get more perspective.
I once saw a kid at a barnehage get down on all fours and drink from a puddle like a dog. It was cute. Nobody batted an eye (that I could see by walking by).
They're pretty chillax about things, which I appreciate!
sleeping in a stroller just seems weird to me, but I do know that strollers are much more utilized in europe than they are here.
I'm Norwegian and the stroller naps is so true - but most people start at home - since we get ~1 year parental leave, most people have their babies nap in the pram (people tend to have much bulkier pram systems here too - when I bought a pram I wanted one that could withstand weather, solid wheels and still fits in the car.) - I find it much more convenient, DD can come along or walks etc. I also find that she sleeps better outdoors for naps. I've left her to sleep outside of a cafe before, but only when I can see the pram at all times.
This Vietnamese diaper training thing is intriguing though!
Post by UMaineTeach on Aug 12, 2014 16:35:50 GMT -5
Kids riding the subway at 7, alone. I get mini flamed on ML for suggesting that a child 5 and up could be trusted to sit in the lobby while I was at the dentist. Even when I relented and said OK, not 5 then, how about a 9 year old, third grader-- they wanted nothing to do with that idea. The kid might get hungry, or bored, or tired, or stolen! And it's not up to the receptionist to come get me if my child is being stolen. not her job.
Kids riding the subway at 7, alone. I get mini flamed on ML for suggesting that a child 5 and up could be trusted to sit in the lobby while I was at the dentist. Even when I relented and said OK, not 5 then, how about a 9 year old, third grader-- they wanted nothing to do with that idea. The kid might get hungry, or bored, or tired, or stolen! And it's not up to the receptionist to come get me if my child is being stolen. not her job.
That's just dumb. If you know a kid is being stolen it's up to EVERYONE to speak up.
By 9 I would hope that you can trust your kid to sit for 30 freaking minutes with an ipad or a book or something and not make a nuisance of him/herself.
I once saw a kid at a barnehage get down on all fours and drink from a puddle like a dog. It was cute. Nobody batted an eye (that I could see by walking by).
They're pretty chillax about things, which I appreciate!
sleeping in a stroller just seems weird to me, but I do know that strollers are much more utilized in europe than they are here.
Napping in the stroller makes perfect sense though, it's easy to rock, it's portable, so naps can be taken anywhere. This is not the "getting around Disney" strollers as mentioned higher up - most use ones similar to this:
sleeping in a stroller just seems weird to me, but I do know that strollers are much more utilized in europe than they are here.
Oh wow. DD has taken at least half the naps in her life, I'm sure, in her stroller. But I live in a heavy stroller city.
My kids have definitely napped in their strollers, I guess I've always just worn them more in big cities but that's probably more for the ease of traveling with a wrap as opposed to a stroller. And having strollers at daycare seems odd, but I guess that most parents walk their kids there and pick them up so the stroller stays all day. It makes sense the more I actually think about the logistics of it.
I once saw a kid at a barnehage get down on all fours and drink from a puddle like a dog. It was cute. Nobody batted an eye (that I could see by walking by).
They're pretty chillax about things, which I appreciate!
sleeping in a stroller just seems weird to me, but I do know that strollers are much more utilized in europe than they are here.
Those prams they favor look more like bassinets or co-sleepers than the strollers we used to.
I knew about Argentina though. They don't eat dinner until 9pm anyway so it makes sense they stay up late. Iirc, their school year runs from March to November
Kids riding the subway at 7, alone. I get mini flamed on ML for suggesting that a child 5 and up could be trusted to sit in the lobby while I was at the dentist. Even when I relented and said OK, not 5 then, how about a 9 year old, third grader-- they wanted nothing to do with that idea. The kid might get hungry, or bored, or tired, or stolen! And it's not up to the receptionist to come get me if my child is being stolen. not her job.
That's just dumb. If you know a kid is being stolen it's up to EVERYONE to speak up.
By 9 I would hope that you can trust your kid to sit for 30 freaking minutes with an ipad or a book or something and not make a nuisance of him/herself.
Who steals kids from a doctor's lobby? And dude, those exam rooms are tiny. I bet the people in the office wish more children were well behaved enough to be left in the lobby.
And this might get hungry bullshit, STOP FEEDING YOUR KIDS EVERY 20 MINUTES! Also, boredom is part of life. Do you know how bored I've been since giving birth? PTA meetings aren't exactly Guardians of the Galaxy, kid. And there are few things more boring than the waiting room at any kid activity. Dance, cub scouts, chess club, carpool lane. I'm bored has been the refrain of my life since these kids shot out of my vag.
I was only in China 2w and I still saw a lot of babies in crotchless pants peeing NOT on command - on the sidewalk. On Tiennamen Sq. On the grass, etc. While the no diapers at 9m thing is great in theory I don't think it works nearly as well in reality as they think it does. And I have pics to prove it.
I was only in China 2w and I still saw a lot of babies in crotchless pants peeing NOT on command - on the sidewalk. On Tiennamen Sq. On the grass, etc. While the no diapers at 9m thing is great in theory I don't think it works nearly as well in reality as they think it does. And I have pics to prove it.
Yeah. When we were in Vietnam I saw quite a few parents holding their small toddlers over the gutter..: it was lovely
Post by karinothing on Aug 12, 2014 18:25:18 GMT -5
I don't think the kids riding the subway alone is that weird. But I think a lot of elementary kids in DC use the subway/metrobus as their way to get to school sans parent.I would like my kid to be able to navigate DC via subway/bus at 7.
It bugs the crap out of me when american parents get all aghast to hear about a 2 yo being potty trained, like the kid was tortured to get him to pt SO EARLY.
no. 2 is on time. Just b/c everyone in the us is pting late doesn't make 2 early All of a sudden.
I think it is likely more of a "how?" Mine is over 3 and is not having it. Guess mines broken, eh?
Can I say how tired I am of hearing about the perfection of French children? I'm decently positive that not all French children eat everything. Cuz, you know--they're kids.
Yup!!!!!!
And tired of hearing how perfect French women/moms are too!
Some concepts, I think, are positive. I would love to live somewhere where I don't have to agonize over a parenting decision not because my gut is telling me it's wrong but because I'm worried some Smuggy Smuggerson is going to call the I'm-A-Better-Parent-Police on me and then blog about it.
Other stuff...makes a good story but that whole diaper-less...well, it's better on paper than in practicality for most of us. And some of these differences are neat to read about but not inherently better. Napping in the stroller in the cold? Well, yeah, my babies have done it. But I've never considered it, like, a benefit or anything. It's just practicality. It's bloody cold here for six months of the year! So, while it's a novelty to some, it's not something inherently superior or beneficial or anything - it's just different, you know?
I don't know. There's always this tone of "here mums - here's how you can do it better" (never dads...apparently they're not expected to be involved) and so reading this, it sort of feeds into that whole "well French children *insert superiority here*" which is sort of silly - different cultures are different. That's kinda what defines them as cultures. We all do it differently but I think you'd be hard pressed to pick out a few novel concepts from any one group and imply anything universal. There's always good and bad.