OK, first of all, my marriage is fine. LOL. I love my H and we are all good.
However, recently I have found myself day-dreaming about being single/living alone. Not dating or anything, but buying a house that I want, decorating it the way I want, doing activities that only I want to do etc... (with the kids, I am not wishing the kids away).
It's weird. But I always wanted to live in this super hipster part of town and H would never want to live there. I want to decorate the house in much more color and weird furniture pieces - H would hate it. I dunno, I don't actually "want" to be single - but I daydream about those parts of being single. I imagine what it would feel like to leave my bedroom in the morning and return that evening and everything be in the same spot as it was when I left. Between kids and H I don't think I have ever had this happen.
I am guessing that some of this has to do with getting married super young and never living truly "alone" (roommates to living with H) or maybe this is normal.
Not alone, Serenity's apartment posts have had me daydreaming about my own little apartment that's all mine, mine, mine. My daydream apartment is in a cute neighborhood with fun shops, cafes, parks, etc. I also think about what my daily routine would be like without anyone else's needs to consider.
I do this. I met DH when I was 19, moved in together at 21, married at 25.
He travels so I know what its like to live alone for short time periods and it is CLEAN! And smells like fall Yankee candles instead of man farts. And no TV so its quiet.
Not for decorating purposes. But I always sort of regret that I never got to take an assignment working internationally. And now with DH's line of work (and the fact that he's the breadwinner so he can't just quit his job), it would be impossible now.
There are times that I feel things would be soo much easier with just my cat, we don't have kids yet. I could go more places I want, live where I want, not vacuum every other day (his allergies + my cat = me doing most of the vacuuming). Not that I want to be without DH ever. But sometimes being alone really is nice. I do enjoy the first few days he is on a guy's trip, then I miss him like crazy. Though I always thought it was because I was so used to living alone, I have lived alone more in my adult life than I have with someone else.
I am sure most of my girl friends also feel the same way about their H's, we don't want to ship them off but it's ok, I think, to fantazie a bit.
Yes, I think it's totally normal to feel this way and to day dream about "what if's". Unless you have any definitive plans to enact any of it, don't worry about it.
In one of my fantasies (and I am normally daydreaming whren I am running/jogging)I even have H come over and we have sex on my new aztec rug (that he would hate).
If we did not have kids I could totally be a bi-coastal couple.
My H and I are not living together at present (working on stuff), but I swear to dog, I love living alone. Like, LOVE it. It's been going on two years in January and I don't know that I want to give it up. Ideally, we could both have an apartment in the same complex, but I know he'd never, EVER, EVER go for that.
No, I go all the way in my fantasies, man. I never lived in Manhattan alone and I really wish I had so that's my #1 fantasy. I live in the West Village. I have fun friends. I go out drinking. I sleep until noon on Saturday, get up, have an omelette and an espresso, go for a walk, spend money on some wrist cuffs or other random shit. My studio apartment is decorated all funky with mismatched furniture I refinished myself. It is also a REAL studio for me on the side since I have all that time to paint (LOL). I have amazing sex with a variety of fun partners. HA.
I totally fantasize about this. In my whole life, I've only lived alone for one month and it was kind of magical in that apartment for those weeks.
I think about how I'd cook myself spaghetti or nachos every night for dinner and veg out on the couch with a computer and HGTV. The towel hanging on the hook right outside the shower would always be dry. And yes, I could decorate however I want.
Then I get mad about having to pay someone to mow my lawn.
Post by captainobvious on Aug 27, 2014 11:24:27 GMT -5
Yes. I sometimes wish I just picked up and moved back east when I was single. I married an east coaster and he flat out refuses to entertain the thought if leaving SD. I often dream of a place in NYC from that million dollar listing show, so you know, completely realistic.
Oh yeah. Not really about decorating, because I've finally worn DH down to just smiling and nodding at how I want to decorate (the man was against Christmas trees!), but just general evenings. I HATE having background TV, but DH feels like it always needs to be on. Oh, the books I could read if I weren't constantly bothered by the TV.
Lucky for me, I could decorate our house like a circus tent and H would be like "Looks good."
My fantasies are more about living alone so I didn't have to do shit or talk to anyone. My favorite days are when H takes the kids to his mom's house in the morning and lets me sleep in and hangs out with her all day. Having the house to myself for the day with no screaming kids is the best drug ever.
Yes, but it mainly has to do with decorating. Every once in a while I'll have a sex dream with someone else other then my H but then I get sidetracked thinking "well, what happened to him?" and I rule out divorce because that seems shitty to dream about if we don't have any issues, so then I decide he died somehow tragically, but not TOO tragically, and then the dream turns into me fucking figuring out carpooling as a working single parent.
I used to think about this a lot when h worked in town. He is a very minimal guy when it comes to decorating. Never mind that he is a collector of the most ridiculous shit and it was taking over my life (empty boxes, anyone? 50 years worth of aftershave? Lifetime supply of spare lumber?). He always had something to say when I would suggest furniture or whatever. He's a lot like his dad when it comes to that. "Why do we need that? Just more stuff to take care of. Why do we have 15 plates? Why do we need all these baking dishes).
Post by starburst604 on Aug 27, 2014 11:41:09 GMT -5
Oh yes. I've been married less than a year, but a part of me will always miss my single girl apartment I lived in for years and the life I led there. No mortgage and spending my money all on me on whatever I wanted and not having to consider anyone else in my finances or schedule. Of course back then I used to fantasize about what it would be like to have a husband and a home together.
The weird thing is a friend of mine now lives in my old apartment. I spent the night there recently after a night out and woke up in my old bedroom. I was still kinda drunk so for a few disoriented moments I was like WHY AM I BACK HERE???!!! I actually couldn't wait to get back home to my real life.