I would personally decide what I want before speaking to him. It's your body and your choice. If and when you tell him is up to you. You have ZERO obligation to let him know if you choose not to share.
YUP Huge stranger hugs, girl. You've got tons of support in whatever you decide. Know it can't be easy, but try not to freak.
As someone who once had an unplanned pregnancy at a really bad time, I wanted to offer my support to you while you process everything and make your decision. (rose)
Post by joshlyman on Sept 12, 2014 14:52:02 GMT -5
((hugs))
I agree with the "only tell if you want to" advice. It's completely your decision on how you move forward, and we will be here to support whatever you decide.
Post by bubblywater on Sept 12, 2014 14:53:44 GMT -5
I have realized lately that I could totally end up here. After over 8 years of infertility from late husband I could possibly get knocked up right now. I admire your ability to keep a sense of humor...sometimes the best things in life happen when unexpected. Take your time to make the best choice for your body and your heart.
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Sept 12, 2014 15:26:21 GMT -5
So, of course it's totally your decision and all of that and I am firmly in that camp. If it were me, I'd tell him, but that's because I would want him there to help take care of me afterward if I decided to terminate, and also so that he would have a heads up if I was dealing with any weird emotional stuff or hormonal stuff. I think I would personally need support or understanding, regardless of whether or not I decided to keep it.
But, what everyone else said - you don't have to decide anything right away, and of course it's totally up to you whether or not you say anything, and there really is no right answer there. You do what's best for you. We are behind you.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
The thing about telling him now - he helped create that pregnancy. He may encourage you to abort, or he may be thrilled at the prospect of being a father and want to keep it. If you decide to terminate and he wants to keep it, then what? Will he be supportive and go along with whatever you choose, or will he pressure you to do what he wants? If he pressures you and you say no, will he drop it?
I told my XH immediately when I got pregnant, and immediately that I wanted to terminate. I thought he'd be like "get that thing out of you! I don't want to be a dad!" but instead he got really weird about wanting to have it. I mean my circumstances were different, so maybe he was just being manipulative because he didn't want our marriage to end and he thought this would be a way to keep me under his control. IDK. But then on top of everything else, I had to deal with being told I was a horrible person and keep putting my foot down and refusing to give into his pleas. In other words, telling him just made it worse. If I needed emotional support or medical care, I should have just involved a friend.
I mean ultimately OP should do whatever she is comfortable with. 100%. But I would encourage anyone to figure out how they feel before involving the father. You can't have a baby because someone else wants you to, it really has to be because it's what you want.
"You. You and your crazy life. You and your geographic anomaly. You and your drunken lesbianic ways and terrible navigational skills." - ProfArt and her holy baby
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Post by gustafngrete on Sept 12, 2014 16:52:29 GMT -5
Sending hugs and support!!! Deep breaths! Also, (if you are the type of person who likes to talk through your problems) is there someone IRL to whom you can safely unload?
Post by PeonyParty on Sept 12, 2014 18:25:06 GMT -5
I know it's silly at this point, but another person signing in to let you know we care about you and support you- no matter what that entails. I also am of the camp that you don't need to tell him or necessarily think you should tell him. Give yourself some time to process this yourself. Once you do that, feel out what you're leaning towards and decide from there whether you want to tell him or not. It's a tough choice to make but it is wholly dependent on you and your relationship. (((BIG HUGS))) You're going to be ok!!!