We split it with my BIL and his wife. Well, actually, we haven't sent them a check yet, so they paid for it, but we will pay for half of whatever it cost.
Post by orangeblossom on Sept 16, 2014 19:12:25 GMT -5
The gift part was very rude. I mean give the cookies away of something.
I know you said you felt bad about going, and How she went about expressing her disappointment was a bit much, but I have to say I side with her on that. I would have been very disappointed too.
WTH to asking you not to tell your DH something. Who does that.
The gift part was very rude. I mean give the cookies away of something.
I know you said you felt bad about going, and How she went about expressing her disappointment was a bit much, but I have to say I side with her on that. I would have been very disappointed too.
WTH to asking you not to tell your DH something. Who does that.
I agree. As difficult as she is, I think she's right to be hurt, especially since your H would have had a good deal of control over the scheduling of that deposition.
But WTF to the rest of it. It's ridiculous that she told you how hurt she was, then said not to tell your H. She should not have involved you in that.
Please tell her you prayed about the right gift, and that's what message you received. Oh, and you also prayed for a healthy baby, but that didn't happen, either.
Sorry you have to deal with that. I still can't believe any adult actually does those things!
The gift part was very rude. I mean give the cookies away of something.
I know you said you felt bad about going, and How she went about expressing her disappointment was a bit much, but I have to say I side with her on that. I would have been very disappointed too.
WTH to asking you not to tell your DH something. Who does that.
I agree. As difficult as she is, I think she's right to be hurt, especially since your H would have had a good deal of control over the scheduling of that deposition.
But WTF to the rest of it. It's ridiculous that she told you how hurt she was, then said not to tell your H. She should not have involved you in that.
And the remark about the cookies was horrible.
I said it was a hearing, not a deposition, in front of three judges on the Federal Appeals court which had been scheduled for a good amount of time. I do not think the client would have been happy to postpone as the issue has been going for a loooong time.
I think if you expect someone to pay thousands of dollars for a party that they have no say over, before the $1,000 plus the tickets, hotel and car would have cost us to get to MN, you should ask them if the date works for them. Invitations were sent saying we were hosting before we even knew a party was taking place.
I agree. As difficult as she is, I think she's right to be hurt, especially since your H would have had a good deal of control over the scheduling of that deposition.
But WTF to the rest of it. It's ridiculous that she told you how hurt she was, then said not to tell your H. She should not have involved you in that.
And the remark about the cookies was horrible.
I said it was a hearing, not a deposition, in front of three judges on the Federal Appeals court which had been scheduled for a good amount of time. I do not think the client would have been happy to postpone as the issue has been going for a loooong time.
I think if you expect someone to pay thousands of dollars for a party that they have no say over, before the $1,000 plus the tickets, hotel and car would have cost us to get to MN, you should ask them if the date works for them. Invitations were sent saying we were hosting before we even knew a party was taking place.
Sorry, I misread it, and I was not aware that the date was chosen without consulting him. I'm confused because a couple weeks ago, it sounded like you were all planning on attending. Maybe I misread that post, and if so, I apologize.
Given that the date has never been a good date for your husband, at any point, did he say, "hey mom, that date is really bad for me, so if you proceed to have the party at that time, I will not be able to attend?" If that happened, then yes, she's crazy cakes.
If he let her know in the last week or two that he would not be attending due to a conflict he's known of for ages, long after the date was chosen and it was too late to change it, then I do think she's justified in being hurt.
I don't know when and where the party was, or when and where the hearing was, but given that there was extensive advanced notice, I'm surprised he couldn't swing both. Obviously, I don't know what was involved with either, but I doubt she understood either, so on that one issue, I do feel bad for her.
I'm not saying she's not completely BSC or that it was at all appropriate of her to throw a party for herself and demand you pay for it, or otherwise endorsing any of her other hijinks. Just that I can understand why a parent would be hurt when their child backs out of attending a long-planned, milestone birthday party, at the last minute (if that is indeed what happened. Again, I apologize if you have previously said he had never intended to attend and had communicated that to her ages ago.)
We never told her we would attend one way or another. He told her he had a hearing (are oral arguments a hearing?) in NYC the day after her party in Minneapolis and that it was not convenient, but we would try to be there. The invitations were already sent so it would not have worked to change the date of the party. He became increasingly concerned about a canceled flight causing issues, etc, and we told her a week before that it was not going to work. I even offered to fly with the baby, but she said she preferred in that case we not come at all.
It wasn't really a long planned event. I think we got the invite 20ish days ago, which was when we first learned of it. She had talked about it before, but only in broad terms, without ever a date, plan, so forth.
I have gone back and forth. For a minute I was like "people are right. They should have gone. Glamma is understandably hurt about that." But if the party was truly the day before an oral argument in federal court (was the party on a Sunday night?) in another state, then I think missing it was reasonable. Oral arguments are not easily rescheduled and not the kind of thing you would want to risk missing by having to fly in right before it starts.
But your H absolutely should have said "mom, there is absolutely no way I can make the 14th work. I have an oral argument the next morning" from the moment this date was mentioned. I am not sure how he ever thought he might be able to go.
Clearly, she is quite concerned about your spiritual health, have you prayed about this? ;-) This reminds me of my one client who has an email signature line of "prayer changes things". At least she's not local??
Post by UnderProtest on Sept 17, 2014 7:25:22 GMT -5
Yeah, your husband needs to find a way to get you off her email list. You should not be dealing with her crazy behavior, especially not now. You don't need the stress.
I can't believe she was so rude about it all. Although she sounds like my IL's where you know how they are and yet you are still shocked when they act crazy.
I also think you dodged a bullet. I DO think your DH should have been more upfront about "That's a bad date for us" from the start - but my DH is the same way, so I feel you on that.
But past that??? She can be hurt all she wants- she demanded this party, planned it herself, picked the date w/o consulting you, and THEN (basically) handed you the bill for it.
I'm not so concerned about her feelings here because I get the sense that she doesn't really care about other people's feelings all that much.
We never told her we would attend one way or another. He told her he had a hearing (are oral arguments a hearing?) in NYC the day after her party in Minneapolis and that it was not convenient, but we would try to be there. The invitations were already sent so it would not have worked to change the date of the party. He became increasingly concerned about a canceled flight causing issues, etc, and we told her a week before that it was not going to work. I even offered to fly with the baby, but she said she preferred in that case we not come at all.
It wasn't really a long planned event. I think we got the invite 20ish days ago, which was when we first learned of it. She had talked about it before, but only in broad terms, without ever a date, plan, so forth.
OK, now that I know the details, then I do think she put you guys in a really shitty position. I could see why she'd be hurt, but it sounds like she certainly needs to own up to the fact that she was the one who screwed up.
I do think your husband needs to step in and manage Glamma better, because it's really not fair that she puts all this shit on you. She's probably not going to change, but maybe there's a way you guys can change how you interact with her so it's less stressful on you.
I do think your husband needs to step in and manage Glamma better, because it's really not fair that she puts all this shit on you.
After reading through this whole post, this is my thought too. Why has this all fallen on you? She needs to be his problem from now on. This is really unfair to you, and kind of shitty of your DH to continually let it happen.