Yes. Belt, wooden spoon, heavy rubber spoon, hands. Not often because I was a pretty good kid but it happened more to my siblings. Both parents did it. The level of anger and anxiety in my house growing up made for an extremely tense childhood. It was all what I would call abuse but they never left marks until one day when I was in college. I was home for break and at the movies and got a frantic message from my mom. She said my dad had lost it and didn't know what to do. I went home immediately. He had hit my brother with his open hand on his back and he had hand prints all over his back. He was probably 11 or 12. He was in pain but I could tell he was fine. I took pictures with my Polaroid camera, hid them, and say both of my parents down and said that I had pictures and if either of them laid a hand on any of us again, no matter what the reason, I would call the police and CPS and drop out of college to take care of my sister if need be. My dad was furious at me and upset at himself but I kept calm and said this was not up for debate. I was only 19.
I will never spank my children. I will never go after them with a belt or a spoon. I will never call them every curse word in the book. My parents have both been told that we don't spank and they are not to ever even consider it. My dad started to bring up "what if" scenarios and I made it clear that if I ever get wind of them physically disciplining my kids they will no longer be left alone with them. And honestly, they are amazing grandparents who are loving and doting and have an endless amount of patience that I never saw growing up. Sometimes I get jealous of my kids for getting to grow up with such supportive and loving grandparents when I didn't see that from them.
Yes. I had the "wait until your father gets home" spankings. I remember waiting out this afternoons in fear. Eventually I learned how to wedge myself behind my bedroom door so he couldn't open it. My father was, and is, an abusive asshole. He got worse over the years. He shut my arm in a revolving door once because he said I was walking too slow. As an adult, I eventually filed for a RO.
In the area where I grew up, kids were still paddled by the principal at school. My pre school did the whole soap in the mouth thing.
Yes, by my dad, with an open hand, sometimes a flip flop. I never got it as frequently, nor did it last last as long during my childhood as my brothers.
I never really considered my dad abusive but I did grew up in fear of him and quickly learned as a young kid what not to do so I didn't get hit.
Post by gibbinator on Sept 17, 2014 1:11:46 GMT -5
My mom spanked me once when I was 2 or 3, and has felt bad about it since. Dad swatted me with a newspaper a couple times that I remember, but not really in ernest. I didn't hurt, just surprising!
Yes. Just a few times, and only with a hand. It never hurt for more than a few seconds. I don't feel traumatized by it, but we don't plan to spank our kids.
Some of my cousins believe that spanking their kids is like a mandate from God or something. :-$
Yes. Just a few times, and only with a hand. It never hurt for more than a few seconds. I don't feel traumatized by it, but we don't plan to spank our kids.
Same.
ETA: my DH is definitely not as anti-spanking as I am, but we have discussed it and he is fine not spanking. Maybe it's because she is so little but I truly cannot imagine hitting DD.
There have been a few times that I have been so mad at DH that my instinct is to hit him and that scares me, so I refuse to even open the door to spanking in my brain.
Yes, there was a ping pong paddel on the top of the frigde for spanking. If I remember it was only for when we were really bad. Otherwise, it was a quick swat on the butt.
I do remember my father kicking my brother when he was a teenager. Total abuse imo. Needless to say none of is kids talk to our father (parents got divorced when I was 20, I am the oldest).
Yes, quite regularly. We were spanked with a scrap piece of wood (usually a 2x4), used on the drill press, and it left bruises every time. The worst times were the ones where it hurt to sit for a couple days.
Yes. Spanked by my dad for being "sassy" and other transgressions. My mom slapped me a few times. Last time when I was 15 maybe? MH was never spanked and we don't spank our kids. Though it scares me sometimes how my first reaction is to spank or react physically when my toddler does something like spit on me. I have been able to control myself but I'm angry that my parents instilled that in me. It's frustrating to be the one who has to break the cycle. Whereas MH doesn't have the same impulse.
I have had these same thoughts about the first impulse to spank. I went through a tough time discipline-wise with DS at about 16 or so months. He was deliberately grabbing hair and pulling, would tighten his grip on things when you said no, and it was damn near impossible to break that grip. On more than one occasion I smacked his hand-the shock of it made him let go. DH and I had a LONG discussion about it, he found himself with similar feelings. It was an impulse reaction, and one I learned worked, and it was tough breaking myself of it.
There are times now where that initial reaction comes back-but I've gotten better at controlling it. It's tough when that's what you knew growing up.
Post by Velar Fricative on Sept 17, 2014 6:28:07 GMT -5
Yes, with hands and occasionally a belt. I don't hate them for it (well, I'm estranged from my father but for other reasons), but even though I understand it was cultural I will not adopt that practice.
I got swatted on the butt a few times for sassing my parents or if I did something scary like run into the street without looking or hide from them in public places.
My dad is one of the most even tempered people you'll meet (it's where I get it from) but if you push him to his limit, watch out. If I was being particularly lippy then he'd wrap his hand in my hair and walk me by it over to my mom or brother to apologize. It scared the bejesus out of me every time because I knew I had gone too far. The last time that happened I was 15 and had called my mom a bitch. I still stand by my assessment, lol.
Yes, on a few occasions. I also remember my father slapping me across the face when I was maybe 14/15. This was not an effective form of discipline for either my sister or myself.
I do have to pause when we discipline, not only because we don't spank, but we also don't use time outs like my parents did either. We use a completely different way of discipline aka positive discipline so many of my instincts in the heat of the moment aren't "right". It takes a lot of work sometimes to retrain my way of thinking, to offer choices, time in etc.
What I find most interesting right now though is that since my mother is our nanny she is learning and using the positive discipline too. I think she just disciplined us the way she was (with less spanking since it was only a handful of times and I believe her father used a belt). She is more than open and willing to using our techniques with the kids and eagerly asks questions and reads about it. So she is following in our footsteps now and often comments about how much more effective it is.
Post by Stingyshark on Sept 17, 2014 7:05:20 GMT -5
My mom beat that azz with anything she could get her hands on.
Hairbrush? Yep. Wooden spoon? Yep.
Never spanked by my dad. He spoiled us to death.
PDQ
I was a hellion from age 3-13 for my mom. Spanking was not effective, but nothing was. I was a terror for my mom. An angel for my dad ( parents divorced when I was 5.
I always feared my dad wouldn't let us come over anymore if we were bad, so we were always really good at his house). that has actually transferred into my adult life. I adore my dad & do anything he asks and get really really upset when he yells (even if it's not at me). I'm afraid if I upset him he will stop talking to me. He doesn't talk to anyone in his family for one reason or another.
I have actually voiced this concern to him bc of a big fight he & DH got into. He has said he would never stop speaking to me.
I should probably get some therapy for that.. But I just koko.
Open hand, occasionally. In general , spanking was extremely rare and only happened if we pushed mom past the point of swearing. And if mom started dropping f-bombs or the like, that was the sign you were in BIG TROUBLE and needed to make yourself scarce or else. (because my mom did NOT cuss when my sisters and I were kids unless she was really mad) So if you kept pushing after she'd hit that point...well let's just say a spanking didnt come as a huge surprise.
Post by jeaniebueller on Sept 17, 2014 7:38:36 GMT -5
Yes, spanked and slapped. My mom mostly did it when she was angry/frustrated and is the least consistent parent ever, so to say it was completely ineffective is an understatement. I will not be spanking my kids.
Yes I was spanked as a kid and also hit with a wooden spoon. Children are the most innocent members of society and we spank/hit them but if we were to hit another adult, we'd go to jail.
I do have to pause when we discipline, not only because we don't spank, but we also don't use time outs like my parents did either. We use a completely different way of discipline aka positive discipline so many of my instincts in the heat of the moment aren't "right". It takes a lot of work sometimes to retrain my way of thinking, to offer choices, time in etc.
We do positive discipline too, and this is the hardest thing about it. It's so completely different from how I was raised that some days I feel like it takes a mountain of self-control not to say "because I said so" or to threaten, bribe, punish, reward. So many of my parenting instincts are "wrong."
I am getting so much better in time though, and my parents (while skeptical) are curious and interested in PD. They don't interact with our kids too much (opposite coast), but it is really heartening to hear how your mom is coming around.