Post by CajunShrimp on Sept 17, 2014 8:35:29 GMT -5
Of course they should have cakes and bouncy houses and fun. I am sure DS will go to tons of parties like that, and probably have them himself. My son really won't do well at one right now. Just because we can't make it doesn't mean everyone else won't have a blast. But for some kids, events like these can be huge triggers and things can get out of control quickly. You know that mom who is always chasing their kid around because they are running around like a maniac? That is me.
DS is having a hard time right now with the adjustment to school. I met with his teacher yesterday because he is having problems with impulse control. Boys tend to have more problems in this area, and he is the youngest in his class, but I am so scared that it is something else going on. We wound up not being able to go anyway, but there was a welcome to school picnic last week that I was going to skip anyway because I knew he would be running around like crazy. It is so hard when 'that kid' is yours, and I hate that he might miss things like the party in the future.
Sorry this went way of track. I haven't talked to anyone else about what is going on with DS, and I am a bit raw and feeling like a failure right now, which is where all thus is coming from.
I'm not trying to convince you to go. I just don't understand your logic. He naps from 2 - 5. So... you could go from, oh, 5 - 7. If I wanted to go (which I realize you just don't want to, and that's fine), but if I was concerned about bedtime,etc, that's what I'd do. just go for a couple hours in the middle of it.
This is probably why they made it such a long party - so that people w/ late nappers can come later or people w/ early bedtimes can come early and leave early. You know- trying to be accommodating. But instead, you're actually using that as a reason to be pissy about the party.
The fact that no one knows who this party is for is odd and THAT is a reason I wouldn't go. But bounce house and cake? If those are also reasons you won't take your child, then your kid is going to be missing out on a LOT of parties in his life.
And are you never, ever going to let your child go to a bounce party where there is cake? Because if not, your kid will be missing out on a LOT of parties.
I'm not trying to convince you to go. I just don't understand your logic. He naps from 2 - 5. So... you could go from, oh, 5 - 7. If I wanted to go (which I realize you just don't want to, and that's fine), but if I was concerned about bedtime,etc, that's what I'd do. just go for a couple hours in the middle of it.
This is probably why they made it such a long party - so that people w/ late nappers can come later or people w/ early bedtimes can come early and leave early. You know- trying to be accommodating. But instead, you're actually using that as a reason to be pissy about the party.
The fact that no one knows who this party is for is odd and THAT is a reason I wouldn't go. But bounce house and cake? If those are also reasons you won't take your child, then your kid is going to be missing out on a LOT of parties in his life.
And are you never, ever going to let your child go to a bounce party where there is cake? Because if not, your kid will be missing out on a LOT of parties.
Please read my latest post. I don't want my kid to miss these things. But if your childd gets overstimulated and can't sit still for more than a minute, it makes things a million times harder.
Post by pegasuskat on Sept 17, 2014 8:45:00 GMT -5
I'm in the group that thinks this sounds like a good kids party. I think waiting until 3 is perfect, I always hate the 1 and 2 pm parties, that's what I consider "nap time". I don't think they expect you to stay the whole time either. I agree it was an error to forget the names, but no biggie.... I don't see anything else wrong with the concept.
Please read my latest post. I don't want my kid to miss these things. But if your childd gets overstimulated and can't sit still for more than a minute, it makes things a million times harder.
Post by CajunShrimp on Sept 17, 2014 9:07:08 GMT -5
If we go after his nap, it will be for the movie part, not the bouncy house part. He can't sit still for 1.5 hours. I wish he would sit still for 10 minutes.
I am sorry this is coming across as strange. I am having a really hard time with DS's behavior. I keep hoping things will get better, and they are not. You know when you are at a nice playgroup and all the kids are playing nicely and there is one kid that is playing with lights, running out of the room, and touching everything he shouldn't? Yep, that is mine. I know it is hard to understand, but when that kid is yours, it is so hard.
I am sorry you are struggling. i do think that nobody will expect him to sit still at that age. We had a princess party for Sophia and while most of the kids sat in a circle with the princesses, my nephew and my goddaughter ran around like crazy and had a blast. I think you are stressed about your kid and are overthinking the whole party thing.
Post by sparkythelawyer on Sept 17, 2014 9:10:47 GMT -5
Reading this reminds me of the first grade teacher I met this weekend, who wholeheartedly stated that first grade should not be fun. Ever. They are there to work, not have fun. This was in resposne to her teacher aide wanting to make Thanksgiving arts and crafts the previous year on the Wednesday afternoon before Thanksgiving.
OP sounds like she's terrified to bring him anywhere.
Umm, I never said I would tell them he was napping. A simple "I am sorry we are unable to attend" works.
Um I think she was just being nice to you in her reply. You sound like such a fun person!
CajunShrimp....... I just said that as an aside....not meaning you would really tell them that!!! ( that's one thing hard about writing what you mean and SAYING what you mean....you cant get the inflection of the voice and sometimes you read it wrong)
Post by speckledfrog on Sept 17, 2014 10:10:58 GMT -5
I agree that it sounds like your feelings about his behavior are keeping you from bringing him. I know some children's schedules need to be really regimented, but keep in mind for future parties that you can always go and leave early. Everyone's kid acts like a jackass sometimes and it's okay to be the one dragging your kid kicking and screaming out the door. We've all been there. It's also important to note that birthday parties allow for greater leeway in behaviors. Wild man at the library? No, thank you. Wild man at the birthday party? Perfectly understandable. Of course, you know his limits and capabilities, but going to parties will help him learn how to go to parties, KWIM?
Also, I love how irritated @smace is with people being overly offended. It makes me miss stellas less. Really, though, sometimes this place makes it seem like everyone IRL gets offended over everything and it just isn't true. Everything is amplified here.
If we go after his nap, it will be for the movie part, not the bouncy house part. He can't sit still for 1.5 hours. I wish he would sit still for 10 minutes.
I am sorry this is coming across as strange. I am having a really hard time with DS's behavior. I keep hoping things will get better, and they are not. You know when you are at a nice playgroup and all the kids are playing nicely and there is one kid that is playing with lights, running out of the room, and touching everything he shouldn't? Yep, that is mine. I know it is hard to understand, but when that kid is yours, it is so hard.
If you were at all interested in going (and honestly, if nobody knows who the party is for, I don't blame you), would it be possible to do nap time after the party? You could go when it starts, and leave early...
I don't have kids, so I really don't know how nap time works. But our godchildren take naps around 4pm. One of them is exactly how you described your son. We had the two over to spend the night once. He touched everything. Had to put everything out of reach, locked the computer room simply because we don't want things broken, and I honestly felt like pulling my hair out before we even got them to the house, during the car ride.
The bouncey house sort of thing is perfect for our god son though. He can run around like crazy, eat some cake and spend that energy! And yeah, the move and magician wouldn't be enough to keep him still either.
Anyway, I just wanted to say kudos, because if he's anything like our's is, I know I'd need it.
If we go after his nap, it will be for the movie part, not the bouncy house part. He can't sit still for 1.5 hours. I wish he would sit still for 10 minutes.
I am sorry this is coming across as strange. I am having a really hard time with DS's behavior. I keep hoping things will get better, and they are not. You know when you are at a nice playgroup and all the kids are playing nicely and there is one kid that is playing with lights, running out of the room, and touching everything he shouldn't? Yep, that is mine. I know it is hard to understand, but when that kid is yours, it is so hard.
What? I can't think of a single kids' party (at someone's home) where they have had limited bouncy house time. That's the beauty of a bounce house - it's always there for the kids who don't want to sit still.
If we go after his nap, it will be for the movie part, not the bouncy house part. He can't sit still for 1.5 hours. I wish he would sit still for 10 minutes.
I am sorry this is coming across as strange. I am having a really hard time with DS's behavior. I keep hoping things will get better, and they are not. You know when you are at a nice playgroup and all the kids are playing nicely and there is one kid that is playing with lights, running out of the room, and touching everything he shouldn't? Yep, that is mine. I know it is hard to understand, but when that kid is yours, it is so hard.
What? I can't think of a single kids' party (at someone's home) where they have had limited bouncy house time. That's the beauty of a bounce house - it's always there for the kids who don't want to sit still.
I think this is because they will be having an outdoor movie once it gets dark. The invite makes it seem like the day is pretty structured - one event, then the next, then the next, etc. I am sure it will be a great time, but we just can't do it right now.
I don't understand why you wouldn't want to go, it could be fun.
Yeah, I would go to. We have been to like 15 daycare parties and they have all been a blast. DS has so much fun and I have formed really great bonds with the parents. People on this site are always complaining about how they find it hard to make mom friends IRL then no one ever wants to do anything to actually do it (I have no clue if OP actually complained about this, just speaking in generalities).
I'd reply " thank you for the invite, but we have other plans that day"
You don't need to mention that your plans are giving your kid a nap!!!
Umm, I never said I would tell them he was napping. A simple "I am sorry we are unable to attend" works.
OKay, I realize you don't want to go. But you could just email and ask if it is okay if you show up late. That is typically what I do for those types of parties if DS is napping. Hosts have always said yes. I don't know, I guess i would say your kid might surprise you. But you know him better than me.
What? I can't think of a single kids' party (at someone's home) where they have had limited bouncy house time. That's the beauty of a bounce house - it's always there for the kids who don't want to sit still.
I think this is because they will be having an outdoor movie once it gets dark. The invite makes it seem like the day is pretty structured - one event, then the next, then the next, etc. I am sure it will be a great time, but we just can't do it right now.
I recently went to a neighbor who had an outdoor movie night. nothing else was involved - the party started about a 1/2 hour before the movie. Here's the thing- some of the kids sat and watched and then some of the kids ran around playing the whole time. it was a mix and no one cared one way or the other. The parents all stood off together and talked and had a couple drinks. It was actually a really, REALLY nice time. And I would suspect that if they had a bounce house too - kids would have been going back and forth between the bounce house and the movie.
Who knows with these people - but if they really expect to have a STRUCTURED party w/ specific events ONLY at certain times, they are in for a world for hurt. But as this seems to be a party they throw on an annual basis - I suspect they have a basic outline of events set up but fully anticipate that not every kid is going to follow the set schedule.
And again, this might also be a "run the kids around, they'll get tired, then most will want to sit and watch a movie" kind of thing, but they know that not all kids will do this. And/or they have a schedule so that parents who can only come for part of the time have a basic idea of what the main event will be at that time.
Post by dexteroni on Sept 17, 2014 11:14:58 GMT -5
((((hugs)))) CajunShrimp. After your updates, your reaction makes so much more sense. My youngest nephew was "that kid" at that age and some of your comments echo things my sister said repeatedly during that time. They didn't go to a sit-down restaurant as a family for I swear two years, lol.
However - one thing she found over time is that her son was rarely the only "that kid," and was rarely the worst of them. I completely understand if you just don't have the energy to deal with the worst case scenario as far as your son's behavior goes, regardless of what any other kid does. I do. But I mean, I can't think of another place where lack of impulse control is expected and tolerated *more* than at a three year old's birthday party. (Maybe Chuck E Cheese.) You don't really think every other three year old is going to sit perfectly still for 1.5 hours, do you? Come on.
Anyway. I'm not trying to get you to go either, just saying I understand. And I agree with @smace that exposure seemed to help my nephew, so hopefully you can go to some stuff sometime.
From another mom of "that kid," I get you. It's not only physically exhausting but mentally as well, because I am constantly running through all the potential shit he could do or get into or "what if he does xyz..." Sometimes I would just rather say "Fuck this, we're staying home."
Us too. It's tiring. But with constantly exposing him to these situations, he's gotten *so* much better. Now, i have wesley getting into shit. damn. lol. But I have to believe he'll follow in X's footsteps. Some of it is maturity, absolutely. Some of it is learned behavior/modeling after other children/etc.
But it is tiring. There are some things I won't do unless another adult can go with me, like this big stupid halloween farm. I need two adults at all times if I dare bring both boys.
Yeah, I am hoping nursery school will help with this. His teacher and I have both been asking him to look around and see what the other kids are doing, in the hope he will model his behavior after theirs. Like "K, why aren't you sitting down for circle time? What are your friends doing? Are they sitting down?". No quiet time or calls from the teacher the last two days, so that is a plus. It doesn't help that he is the youngest kid in the class, but is the tallest. People look at him and expect him to behave like a 4 or 5 year old, because he looks like one. But he just turned 3 last month. Luckily his teacher is great. She thinks he is a really sweet, funny kid, but he is just lacking in impulse control. And that makes it so hard. I have lots of social activities for him, and always have, because I want him exposed to other kids and see their behavior. But there are some things we just can't do now, because it ends with me near tears and begging him to calm down. As for meeting other moms, it is hard because I am trying to contain him all the time.
Posts like this are why I don't like other parents. It's the worst part of parenting. I wonder what people say about me. Sugar! Bad! Party! Bad! Too much activity! Bad bad badddddddd.
you know parties should not have cake. Or bouncy houses. Or FUN. Not during nap...nooooo.
lol, parents must have hated me when DD was little then. We had all that,.,.. and.... gasp.... ALCOHOL for the parents!!! I am horrible!!!
I have three who have September birthdays. One of my boys was 7 on Saturday and my twins are 9 today. I invited my 7 year old's entire class just because he was new to the school this year and I felt it would be good to make friends with some kids for him. Granted I included my name...we have had about 10 kids RSVP put of his 17 classmates. Don't feel obligated but think of it as an opportunity to make friends,
Yep, K is 8/7. My H, FIL and my dad are all 6'4". Between H and I, we have 4 uncles that are 6'4" - 6'6". MIL is 5'8". We both have sisters that are 5'11". K was 42.5 inches at his 3 year checkup.
Thanks for giving me a light at the end of the tunnel. It is just hard to see sometimes.
Post by CajunShrimp on Sept 17, 2014 12:49:49 GMT -5
So I got the scoop on the party, and holy shit. I was talking to a few moms at pickup. one of which has an older child the same age as one of the party kids.
None of the 3 kids are in K's class. One is a year older, and the two older ones are in K and 2nd grade. The mom throws this party every year, and it is a shit show. From what we can guess, she invited every nursery, pre-K, K, 1st grade and 2nd grade kid - 225+ kids. The party is at her house, and the mom I spoke with went last year and said it was crazy. Close to 100 kids running around like maniacs, no real supervision. One kid broke his elbow after being pushed out of the bouncy house. Another little one actually took off, and was found two blocks away. The mom said it was the most stressful thing she has ever been to, because it was so chaotic and she kept losing track of her kid. And while they are doing Toys for Tots this year, in past years they have expected gifts (from all those kids!). The mom never got a thank you note for the gift they brought. And the host mom is really pushy for "volunteers" to help her for the party. The mom I spoke with was asked to come 4 hours early to help decorate.
I am speechless, And I don't feel guilty at all for not going.
Us too. It's tiring. But with constantly exposing him to these situations, he's gotten *so* much better. Now, i have wesley getting into shit. damn. lol. But I have to believe he'll follow in X's footsteps. Some of it is maturity, absolutely. Some of it is learned behavior/modeling after other children/etc.
But it is tiring. There are some things I won't do unless another adult can go with me, like this big stupid halloween farm. I need two adults at all times if I dare bring both boys.
Yeah, I am hoping nursery school will help with this. His teacher and I have both been asking him to look around and see what the other kids are doing, in the hope he will model his behavior after theirs. Like "K, why aren't you sitting down for circle time? What are your friends doing? Are they sitting down?". No quiet time or calls from the teacher the last two days, so that is a plus. It doesn't help that he is the youngest kid in the class, but is the tallest. People look at him and expect him to behave like a 4 or 5 year old, because he looks like one. But he just turned 3 last month. Luckily his teacher is great. She thinks he is a really sweet, funny kid, but he is just lacking in impulse control. And that makes it so hard. I have lots of social activities for him, and always have, because I want him exposed to other kids and see their behavior. But there are some things we just can't do now, because it ends with me near tears and begging him to calm down. As for meeting other moms, it is hard because I am trying to contain him all the time.
My son is like this. Stop trying to get him to sit down and be like everyone else and find tons of opportunities for him to run around. Right around 3 was the absolute worst. I was ALWAYS the only one chasing my child. We had him evaluated for speech when he was about 20 months and I was terrified of what else they were going to tell me. But they said he was extremely high energy but not abnormally so - diagnosis was that I would be exhausted. I am! But at 4 he is getting much more control and while he still runs constantly he doesn't head straight for traffic and he doesn't just keep going. But if he doesn't get a ridiculous amount of exercise he is very difficult. We had a rough winter last year and when he went days without recess I can tell you he was a whole lot less interested in sitting on a circle at school and sharing his feelings. I took it way too seriously and you are too. He's a 3 year old boy - he isn't always going to sit on the circle. I'm sure it would be really easy for the teacher if she had a classroom full of quiet girls but they don't call it work for nothing!
I'm not trying to convince you to go and sometimes it was definitely easier to just stay home. But when my husband came with me places it was so much easier to have another pair of eyes and to be able to head him off and keep him safe. Just don't think that everyone at the party will be judging you. It sounds like there will be kids of all age ranges there so I guarantee someone there will have or have had a child that's just as high energy. And it does not sound like they are going to have a rigidly structured party - they didn't even put names on the invites! Really - it sounds like the perfect free for all for crazy boy. A bounce house and hiking uphill in the woods are the only things that come close to tiring my son out.
Haha - saw your update! No thank you to that party. But everything else I said still counts. See if there is some kind of BounceU place near you. If they have a preschool open bounce get there as often as you can!
Um, wha? I actually was a little "huh" about the volunteer thing, and now to know all that? Good grief. It's ridiculous to invite ALL the classes. But i guess they see this as some awesome huge bash that people are clamoring to come to. But broken bones, kids disappearing, and needing volunteers? Sounds like the party is too big for itself.
Post by CajunShrimp on Sept 17, 2014 14:47:09 GMT -5
The other mom thinks she is inviting all the other classes to keep the numbers up since so many people won't be returning because of last year's debacle. She fancies herself the Social Queen of the neighborhood.