This is one of the most heartbreaking things about parenting. I've never seen it at school but I've seen it at the park, usually from older kids. I really think it hurts me more than him but watching him walk away sad and defeated is the worst. I cannot show that it makes me sad because he'll get even more upset so I just give him a hug and say "you don't want to play with mean kids like that anyway" or something. It sucks, for sure.
The thing about being confident and outgoing is they normally let this shit run off of them.
I don't know if boys are truly different but Jack has always been lucky to be a.....very confident lol. Even when he is being excluded he just brushes it off and is all "haters gonna hate" and just moves along to something else.
Also the outgoing child is always the one everyone wants to be around. Jack can be very obnoxious, but he always has a gaggle of kids running behind him.
I also worried because he put himself "out there" so much but so far so good. I really had to remind myself that he will handle all of this so much different than me who is more quiet and meek.
This is one of the most heartbreaking things about parenting. I've never seen it at school but I've seen it at the park, usually from older kids. I really think it hurts me more than him but watching him walk away sad and defeated is the worst. I cannot show that it makes me sad because he'll get even more upset so I just give him a hug and say "you don't want to play with mean kids like that anyway" or something. It sucks, for sure.
Oh this hurts me and he's not even mine! I drove by an elementary school during recess one day and was overwhelmed with thoughts and worries about what if my kid doesn't have friends, what if other kids don't like him, what if they're mean to him, etc. I'm convinced parenting never gets easier, the worries just change.
Tamb I'm sure J will do great! Her personality sounds awesome and she will attract the best friends she deserves to have
K is very similar to your J in that she is very outgoing and wants to be friends with everybody. I have the same worries because I don't want to see her spirit crushed. She just started preschool and is making friends and the teacher told me that it is because she is so open to playing with everyone. I can't tell you not to worry but I'll tell you that her personality is a plus, an awesome thing. Hugs. Being a parent is so stressful.
I have one in 4th grade one in 2nd and a baby. I worry that my son won't fit in but he seems to be doing great. I worry that the cute little girls DD hangs out with in second grade will turn on her someday. Girls can be bitches.
My son had a few kids be shitty to him at camp this summer. It hurt my heart so much.
This is one of the most heartbreaking things about parenting. I've never seen it at school but I've seen it at the park, usually from older kids. I really think it hurts me more than him but watching him walk away sad and defeated is the worst. I cannot show that it makes me sad because he'll get even more upset so I just give him a hug and say "you don't want to play with mean kids like that anyway" or something. It sucks, for sure.
Same here. We haven't seen it at preschool. Just at the park. And it's always kids with siblings. Our poor only children. But they're learning to be strong right? That's what I tell myself.
So, my kids are a little older than yours, and I feel like I can confidently say that this doesn't happen in preschool.
I do worry about this a lot, though. Neither of my kids fit neatly into what is "normal" for their gender. I am equal parts proud of them, and worried that they will feel like they need to change themselves to fit in.
I was never popular, but I was pretty confident in myself and was blissfully ignorant of social dynamics. So far, my son seems to be exactly like me, which I consider a blessing.
Post by maggiemoo on Sept 17, 2014 12:30:15 GMT -5
I worry about that a lot too. Nobody wants their kids to have hurt feelings. Mine are in K and pre-K. I was bullied some, but I also have a great group of friends. A lot of which I have known from pre-K. It sucks, but I think most people have to experience both. I just try to teach my kids to be kind. My hands are tied on the other kids.
On the flip side, I am weirdly obsessed with making sure my kid has empathy towards others. I don't ever want him to grow into a personality where he sees/thinks of other kids as lesser than.
So far so good. We are told by his teachers that when other kids cry, Andy usually swoops in with a "no no sad" and a hug for his friends.
But yeah, stuff like this worries me for sure. I am so heartbroken to think about my happy little boy ever being hurt by others
This is one of the most heartbreaking things about parenting. I've never seen it at school but I've seen it at the park, usually from older kids. I really think it hurts me more than him but watching him walk away sad and defeated is the worst. I cannot show that it makes me sad because he'll get even more upset so I just give him a hug and say "you don't want to play with mean kids like that anyway" or something. It sucks, for sure.
Oh this hurts me and he's not even mine! I drove by an elementary school during recess one day and was overwhelmed with thoughts and worries about what if my kid doesn't have friends, what if other kids don't like him, what if they're mean to him, etc. I'm convinced parenting never gets easier, the worries just change.
Tamb I'm sure J will do great! Her personality sounds awesome and she will attract the best friends she deserves to have
Yeah, I feel like I should clarify that it's always been older boys that are mean to him. David always wants to make friends with everyone and at school it's great because he sees the same kids every day. But at a park or public play area he always gravitates towards the older kids who don't always want to play with him and it's *really* painful to watch!
This is one of the most heartbreaking things about parenting. I've never seen it at school but I've seen it at the park, usually from older kids. I really think it hurts me more than him but watching him walk away sad and defeated is the worst. I cannot show that it makes me sad because he'll get even more upset so I just give him a hug and say "you don't want to play with mean kids like that anyway" or something. It sucks, for sure.
Same here. We haven't seen it at preschool. Just at the park. And it's always kids with siblings. Our poor only children. But they're learning to be strong right? That's what I tell myself.
Haha, yes. I really think being an only plays into it. He is very eager to make friends because of it.
I worried about that too. DD1 had gross motor delays, so I thought her little pre-K classmates would single her out for not being able to jump or swing on the swing set. She's also not at all assertive. But in her 2s class, the kids were playing in their own little worlds. I really didn't see socialization start until the 3s class. Then the 3 year olds seemed to be naturally kind. I saw SO many sweet things when I was the helping parent, and I never once saw any kid be purposefully mean. I agree that it's the older kids who learn to be nasty.
It's hard to watch when DD1 gets railroaded by the more aggressive kids. She always wants to make other people happy. I don't think I can control this. Because I have a bad perfectionistic streak, I have to remind myself not to goad her or shame her for the things she doesn't do "perfectly." I think the number one thing you can do for your kid is to show her that you believe in her and give her opportunities to build confidence and pride.
I worry because mine is like I was - very reserved and prone to bullying. Although I can't say that I'm not a little glad she's not the sensitive type. Since I can relate to her personality, I'm not too concerned about how I'll help her navigate things as she gets older. Emotions and feelings and stuff? That would really throw me.
No issues in preschool, but we had an issue at camp this summer. DS is a nice kid and kind of to what you said - I don't think it even occurs to him that someone WON'T like him. But he met a boy who he says wasn't nice to him. And it really upset him. I tried to use it as a learning moment (not everyone will like you, you won't like everyone), but man... it sucked.
until one day, when I mentioned in passing to the counselor as DS was sobbing, that he said X was mean to him - after that day, X was nice to him and now DS was calling him his friend. Fickle little things!
But... I do expect this to continue. Now that he's in K w/ a HUGE class, I'm seeing that he's making friends w/ some kids but not with others. I know it's going to come down the pike that someone doesn't like him/ he doesn't get along w/ someone.
I just pray that MOST kids like him and that he goes through school w/ a good group of friends. I feel like if he has that, it's a win.
Post by cinderbella on Sept 17, 2014 12:59:47 GMT -5
Oh, Tamb. I totally get this. TOTALLY.
My oldest is the brightest little light I've ever met. She's smart and outgoing and fun and friends with everyone. And then she was bullied. It started on the soccer team when she was in Kindergarten and carried over to her class in 1st grade. Her teacher put an end to it FAST and it's been great ever since - but for those few months, my heart was broken.
Girls can be so, so mean and I never EVER would have expected it to happen to Molly. Like I said, she's friends with everyone and fun to be around. I'm so happy to say that it didn't squash her spirit and a lot of the bullying didn't faze her much - she finds the positive in EVERYONE (including these two little bitches) and it broke my heart because she just has no idea that there are people in the world that thrive on being mean. She would make excuses for their behavior and all I wanted to do was tell her what shits they were.
She's settled in with a great group of little girls and I am so thrilled at how her year has started off - I'm sure there will be more rough patches ahead but for right now, no permanent damage done and she's happier than ever.
cinderbella. Poor girl. I'm glad it didn't seem to have a lasting effect on her, but I know that must have been so hard for you to watch.
It was hard at the time - one of the bullies moved to a different school over Thanksgiving break last year and it was such a relief. Molly was sad (friends with everyone!) but I was jumping for joy.
We saw her a few weeks ago at a mutual friend's birthday party and I totally ignored her.