Post by misshark122 on May 15, 2012 16:09:12 GMT -5
So my husband is supposed to come home from the 'stan soon. I really need the day before to get ready, get the house in order, bake homemade muffins, make sure the grocery shopping is done, get a pedicure... etc. My friend asked me if I can watch her kids that afternoon starting at 3 until she doesn't know when yet. I feel bad because she just moved here, her husband is away, she is in the military and needs to work, and her live in nanny has something she has to go to that day. So, she asked me.... and I feel like I SHOULD and I WANT to help but seriously what happens IF my husband comes home earlier?! I mean ya never know! I know that would be pretty darn rare with the military..... but, I don't know. I work full time so I don't have any other time to do the things I need to do. Like, I needed that day. But she is a good friend and I don't want to leave her hanging. what do you guys think?
Post by misshark122 on May 15, 2012 17:13:49 GMT -5
I'm not looking for permission but more of a what would you do? Grocery shopping/house cleaning/etc. can't necessarily be done in advance. I work full time and by the time I sit down every night it's seriously around 8pm! I need to sleep by 930 to function the next day. And let's just say I'm kind of on a time crunch.
So, I COULD do it for sure.... but it'd be an extremely busy day running around like crazy. And I don't know when I would have time to bake the muffins. BTW my friend lives like 40 minutes from me so factor in the travel time too. The kids are like 8 months old and 2. There would be no baking of the muffins. lol. I'd be at her house.
I think I'm going to find out if she has any other options and if not I'll do it. Like I said I want to help. I just wish it wasn't the night before he's supposed to come home. What if he comes home early??? !!!
I don't think you're being a jerk and I don't know if I would do it either. However, you can also maybe tell her that you can watch her child from 3-5 or 6 and after that you can't?
I can't imagine caring that much about homemade muffins that I'd prioritize them over helping a friend. Nor can I imagine h being proud that I did so.
I don't think that's fair. People are not required to babysit for free any time their friends want them to. She can hire someone.
while true, the op made it seem like this was a legitimate bind for her friend, and that she felt bad for her. If I feel bad for a friend I help them if I can. And I could if my only conflict was cleaning and baking. Those things simply don't matter all that much.
Post by misshark122 on May 15, 2012 19:21:32 GMT -5
The muffins are the least important thing I listed. Thats what you took out of that? Lol. It's more like everything else. I essentially have one day to do everything and that is the day. Luckily my friend called me this evening and told me she is working on finding a sitter. I offered to ask around too and told her if she can't find anyone I will definitely watch them.
Post by drunkpeggy on May 15, 2012 19:24:14 GMT -5
Don't do it. My H actually did land three hours earlier than what the unit had told us. It was a mad scramble to get dressed and get everyone on the phone and tell them their spouses were at the chapel waiting on us instead of the other way around.
She's in the military she'll understand why you can't but do offer to help her find someone...maybe a friend of yours is willing to help out.
Post by basilosaurus on May 15, 2012 19:36:47 GMT -5
A pedicure is more important than muffins? Ok.
I don'tcare what you do. You asked for advice, and I replied. I'm obviously in the minority. I just can't imagine that I can't help a friend bc I need my toenails painted. I wouldn't think you're a jerk for saying no, but if you were my friend, and I found out that a pedicure, baking, and a grocery trip were the reasons, I would probably think you weren't much of a friend.
Have her call the CYSS office on post. If her children aren't registered with CYSS, she will need to register them (it's a quick process). Then, she can call Hourly Care or an FCC provider (Family Child Care). The FCC provider would probably be the best bet, if she's going to be out past normal working hours. It would be $4/hr per kid, unless her husband is deployed/on deployment orders. It would be $2/hr per child in that case.
I'm with Sibil on this one. I'd do one of the other things each night (pedicure, cleaning, etc), do the groceries that morning and have the kids help with the muffins.
And really, out of everything you listed, I feel like I could get all of that done between 9am and 3pm on that day if I really had to. I get that it's not ideal, but you help your friends.
The muffins are the least important thing I listed. Thats what you took out of that? Lol. It's more like everything else. I essentially have one day to do everything and that is the day. Luckily my friend called me this evening and told me she is working on finding a sitter. I offered to ask around too and told her if she can't find anyone I will definitely watch them.
You said 'I could do it, but I don't know when I'd bake the muffins" I imagine that's what Sibil is referring to in her post.
I'd help her find a different option, but that's because I'm a selfish dependasaurus and would want time to do all the cleaning I hadn't done while he was gone. If you can do it, and you want to help her, then do it. If you don't, don't. You have a valid reason not to, she'll understand.
I'm with Sibil on this one. I'd do one of the other things each night (pedicure, cleaning, etc), do the groceries that morning and have the kids help with the muffins.
And really, out of everything you listed, I feel like I could get all of that done between 9am and 3pm on that day if I really had to. I get that it's not ideal, but you help your friends.
I agree with this. I've been in the boat where I have a million and one things to do and I can get them all done between 9 and 3 or even 2 if that was the case of having to drive to be some place at 3.
Do your pedicure tonight. Throw your muffin mix together tonight and pop the muffins in before you go get in the shower in the morning. 2 things done. Go shopping the morning of homecoming, after you have cleaned and then go help your friend out. There are ways to do this over the course of several days.
I'm with Sibil on this one. I'd do one of the other things each night (pedicure, cleaning, etc), do the groceries that morning and have the kids help with the muffins.
And really, out of everything you listed, I feel like I could get all of that done between 9am and 3pm on that day if I really had to. I get that it's not ideal, but you help your friends.
::clap clap:: if you dont have kids and want them some day, you will be an awesome mom with that multi-tasking!! (and thats not a sarcastic comment!!) I agree with this. I've been in the boat where I have a million and one things to do and I can get them all done between 9 and 3 or even 2 if that was the case of having to drive to be some place at 3.
Do your pedicure tonight. Throw your muffin mix together tonight and pop the muffins in before you go get in the shower in the morning. 2 things done. Go shopping the morning of homecoming, after you have cleaned and then go help your friend out. There are ways to do this over the course of several days.
Post by misshark122 on May 15, 2012 21:37:06 GMT -5
No, I only get 30 minutes and I'm going to use tomorrow to run one of my errands... the post office... haha. I'm thinking maybe I'll just do the pedicure myself one night after work. I actually don't even like getting pedicures... I get the heebie jeebies One of the biggest reasons that I didn't even mention to you guys is that I'm working on part of DH's birthday present... it's a big photo album in Iphoto from all our travels when we lived in China. It's really time intensive and I've been doing it on HIS laptop! I was going to use that free afternoon to try to finish it up. Maybe that night I'll be able to. And on pedicure night too.
Post by basilosaurus on May 16, 2012 3:41:01 GMT -5
H's advice: Make sure you have pizza and a six pack. After you give him a bj, he'll fall asleep anyway, so you can do all your errands after that. lol I guess next time I don't have to prep a nice meal
Honestly, homecoming dates/times can change enough that I'd tell the friend I wouldn't be able to watch her kids. I'd do what I could to help her make alternate arrangements (even including paying for it myself, if I know she's asking me because she's tight on cash), but for a homecoming, I wouldn't want to rush around trying to get everything done in a hurry.
And, ick to the person that posted about making muffin batter one night, and baking them the next morning. Muffin batter should be mixed (to barely blended) immediately prior to baking. I won't even let it sit for more than 5-10 minutes before putting in the oven. You end up with nasty, tough muffins if you wait too long or overmix...
That being said, a pedicure isn't part of my normal homecoming stuff, so I'd probably not bother with that if it were me.
Post by iluvmytxrgr on May 16, 2012 7:47:45 GMT -5
If it were me, I wouldn't do it. You'll have nearly 2 hours of driving total. You will be babysitting for an undetermined amount of time. You have no idea when you'll be home that night. When my H comes home, I wash a bunch of his clothes so they smell fresh. I wash the sheets so he has clean sheets. You have to shave your legs. I wouldn't be able to do all those things if I was babysitting all that time the night before. If she's a good friend, she'll understand. Maybe you could help her find someone else to watch the kiddos for her.
I wasn't being condescending. I really do feel like a slacker that all MH has ever gotten was a ride from the airport. This is the first we've been married for a HC so maybe I can use that as an excuse?
Post by misshark122 on May 16, 2012 12:39:42 GMT -5
Haha, thanks, Stan.
I actually didn't realize wanting to do any of these things was out of the ordinary. In my mind, he is going to be tired & hungry and the least I can do is have good food in the house, a clean house, etc. I thought this was normal. It's how I grew up anyway... my mom is the same way. It's what I would appreciate if I were coming home after a long time. As far as the pedicure and the muffins, no it's not a big deal, it's not the end of the world if I don't get it done. If my friend is really in a bind, I'll definitely help her out, and she knows that - she called me about a month or two randomly one night when she was driving down and asked me if I could watch her dog that night - dropped him off at midnight on a worknight - and the day or two turned into a week! And you know what, I didn't mind one bit because I AM a good friend. I'm always there for my friends if I can be.
Anyway, it's really not a big deal, apparently everyone does homecoming differently.
MH has only ever gotten a ride home from the airport. I must be a jerk.
Hey, at least I usually have wine and champagne at home. Even if he gets in for an early flight.
I'll plan a nice meal, too, but not immediately since when he's tired after flying, his groggy ass won't appreciate my efforts.
stan, I don't care if people want to do their fluffy getting ready stuff. It just seems a little bit shitty to prioritize that over helping a friend. It's not a big deal to me what people do, but also not worth gnashing teeth and wailing about all the stuff you have to do, and it can only be done in that one time slot.
If anything, my house is ten times cleaner when he's not here because his piles of work papers aren't scattered on every flat surface.
Truth. We've been home for 3 days since our vacation, and our house was spotless when we walked in. Wanna guess how many minutes before papers and pocket vomit covered all surfaces?