I had something similar happen to me when we were on vaca in Hawaii. (Not the rape of course). She was the daughter of a good friend of mine. She proceeded to post an invite on FB for the St Patty's Day party. I immediately contacted her telling her this was absolutely a bad idea. She ignored me. I contacted her mom and she blew me off saying it wasn't a big deal. At the time we had a unpredictable psycho aggressive adopted dog. I was on pins and needles not knowing what I was coming home to. It completely ruined my vacation. A few weeks later there were a few pics on FB. I was livid. I still am and it was 6 years ago. Thankfully everything in the house was ok. But it felt so violating to know perfect strangers were in my house when I wasn't there. I feel your pain. In your case, I hope the girl will be ok and they will prosecute the guy.
Oh my goodness here too...could you have (I know hindsight is 20/20) call a neighbor and have her call the police to break it up?
I tried to call the police station to get more information about what happened but they told me they can't tell me any details. I understand why, but still. I just want to know how many people were here, how long were they here, were they just drinking alcohol or were any other known illegal drugs involved. They told me I need to call the victim. Yeah, I'm going to call her and ask her those questions right now. He also asked me why I didn't talk to the police officer about all of this last night. Um, I had *no* idea what was going on and it was the middle of the night.
I don't know if I should file my own police report given that I can tell someone went through some of our stuff. I don't want to seem like I'm overreacting but I do want to cover all of my bases.
Our apartment complex is charging us $40 for new locks. I understand why they need to charge us this but it is just annoying. Today is my day off because I'm working 10 days in a row after this, and I have to stay home because the police might need to come back out here again.
Post by orangeblossom on Sept 30, 2014 14:42:06 GMT -5
Please don't feel as if you can't complain. You have a right to complain, feel angry and upset, while at the same time feeling empathy and sympathy for the young woman.
As it is, you don't know who was in your house or what went down, asides from the horrific rape. That would make me very uneasy, and you're not just going to get over this in a day. On top of that, you're now having to pay money out of your pocket to right things and protect yourself, so yeah, you have a right to complain.
I think once you go through everything and you see missing things, I would probably file a report, though if there attitude is what you described "re why didn't you ask everything last night", I'm not sure what will come of it. That's not helpful in the least, and of course you're going to have more questions in the light of day.
You have every right to complain and worry about your dogs. It's a sad situation and I feel absolutely sick about the dog sitter but you have every right to feel the way you do.
Ugh, what an awful situation. I don't know how I'd feel in your shoes but I am guessing I'd be pissed and all the feelings you're feeling too.
Honestly, as bad as I feel for the dog sitter, I would probably not have further contact with her. Absolutely don't hire her again (which I'm sure you wouldn't do anyway) and I don't think you need to say anything sympathetic to her. If she apologizes to you, that's one thing, but I'd probably just try to let this go since she's already had horrible consequences and there is nothing that can be done to change things now anyway.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I can't imagine how it feels to have your trust violated like that.
Post by teatimefor2 on Sept 30, 2014 17:43:15 GMT -5
I am so so sorry. You have every right to feel all those emotions. Honestly, I'm stunned the police wouldn't tell you more. I would file a police report myself just to cover all the bases.
I would not use her again, and frankly avoid all contact.
I would also take my dogs to the vet, get a new mattress, change the locks and maybe hire someone to do a deep clean. I'm so so sorry. What a horrible situation.
So after thinking about it and talking to my H, we decided that we don't want to talk to the girl about what happened. I had to ask her mom to ask her about a few things for the police and from her responses to these questions, I think she is lying to us. I'm sure she is freaking out right now but if there is a police investigation going on then now is the time to be honest. So that actually makes me not want to talk to her at all, ever.
Someone came this afternoon to change the locks. We have lived here for over 3 years with no problem, so the maintenance guy told me they aren't going to charge us.
I was feeling a little better about things this evening but in the past hour, I have found dried vomit in several different places. It is so disgusting. I went in the guest bathroom and realized someone had thrown up down the side of the bathroom cabinets. There were balled up towels that also had vomit in them. I want to throw them away but these are nice monogrammed towels from our wedding registry! Assholes. I will definitely be scheduling a deep cleaning sometime soon.
Not sure if I mentioned this earlier but we can tell someone went through the linen closet in the master bedroom. We have a box of medication in there, and it looks like half of my percocets are missing. We have medication in our kitchen and in our guest bathroom, so I feel like someone must have really been going through our things to go into the master bedroom closet. Since there was a party here, I wouldn't be surprised if someone had sex in our bed, too... and we have been sleeping in it for the past 2 nights. Gross. I'm going to be doing lots of laundry tonight.
I know this is trivial compared to everything else that has happened, but my H and I have been talking about separating and *just* yesterday, we decided I would take the bedroom furniture out of that guest bedroom when I move out. I already feel like I'm on the edge of a mental breakdown, and now I'm going to have to add buying a mattress to all of the other crap I'm dealing with.
Post by babsbunny on Sept 30, 2014 18:47:24 GMT -5
I'd keep track of expenses (including vet bills) and then sue her. I feel bad for her, but am focusing on just the party and the damage from the party. I would be livid.
Though not worth suing if it just adds stress to your life.
Post by wanderlustmom on Sept 30, 2014 20:00:34 GMT -5
This situation is so upsetting. I am so sorry you went through this. I feel awful about her being raped but I think you should sue her OR completely never have contact with her again. I would get advice about both of those options. Yes she was a victim and that's terrible but before that; she broke the law and violated your trust and rights.
I had something similar happen to me when we were on vaca in Hawaii. (Not the rape of course). She was the daughter of a good friend of mine. She proceeded to post an invite on FB for the St Patty's Day party. I immediately contacted her telling her this was absolutely a bad idea. She ignored me. I contacted her mom and she blew me off saying it wasn't a big deal. At the time we had a unpredictable psycho aggressive adopted dog. I was on pins and needles not knowing what I was coming home to. It completely ruined my vacation. A few weeks later there were a few pics on FB. I was livid. I still am and it was 6 years ago. Thankfully everything in the house was ok. But it felt so violating to know perfect strangers were in my house when I wasn't there. I feel your pain. In your case, I hope the girl will be ok and they will prosecute the guy.
Huh? You found out she was planning a party at your house, you contact her and her mother and told them they could not do that, and they told you she was going to party at your house anyway?
Yeah, pretty much. Thankfully, it was just a bunch of her and her girlfriends. That's how her mom tried to justify it. After writing my first post I went back and checked my pm to her. It wasn't nearly as direct and authoritative with her as I should've been. I didn't have any contact info for any of my neighbors to put a stop to it.
So my husband called the police to file a report and they just left. Here is what the police said:
- We can't prove that anyone took our medication, and even if we could, they couldn't prove it was ours if they did find it in the possession of someone who was at the party (because my pill bottle is still in the closet)
- We should try to just forget that a rape happened in our apartment because if the police had not come here then we never would have even known
- Technically, we gave the girl permission to come into our residence. When we did that, we assumed risk for whatever she did or whoever she brought in. From now on, the police suggested that we consider boarding our dogs instead of having someone come stay at our apartment.
They said there is nothing to file a report about but I'm glad they gave me such amazing advice.
Post by imojoebunny on Sept 30, 2014 21:12:27 GMT -5
I am sorry, but you feel bad? Why? She invited someone to your house that raped/assaulted her, even though she new that you did not want people in your house.
It is terrible, the rape/assault, but she had a responsibility and she didn't just ignore it, she completely violated it. I would like to use her youth as an excuse, but she is 20, not 17, 15, or 12. She is an adult both legally and in reality.
I used to have a friend who was a pet sitter. She would sometimes take me with her on her rounds to walk with her late at night, but never once did she take me in her clients homes. I was always left outside while she got the pets.
Post by explorer2001 on Sept 30, 2014 21:18:43 GMT -5
I'm so sorry you are going through all this. It is crazy situation. Please take care of yourself. Document anything you can. The police response to your situation was deplorable. Hugs.
11pm update: the police officer called back and said he wanted to come back by and ask a few more questions. Just to note, this is the 3rd time the police have been at our apartment today and the 6th time I have talked to someone.
He ended up getting an official statement from me about the missing medication and pill found on the floor. This is going to become part of the police report given that there is a question of whether the girl was drugged.
He said he is going to do a write-up about everything we told him about people going through our things and the vomit everywhere. This isn't really significant to the case but he says it will come up in the computer if we ever call again about something else at our residence.
So maybe my faith in the PD is restored just a little.
Post by bostonmichelle on Oct 1, 2014 7:08:17 GMT -5
I am so sorry you are going thru all of this. I really hope the PD turn things around and are actually helpful. I would be livid if I was in your place. Mixed emotions are 100% fine at this point, yes it sucks what happened to the girl but she violated your trust before hand.