WWYD re: DS?

[arch01]

DH talked to DS for the first time yesterday (DH called during the day for my birthday). DH has been gone for 2 weeks as of tomorrow.

DS will be 3 in December. DH told him that he was going to be gone for awhile at work and he was going on a big airplane (MIL and DS took him to the airport). DS, as expected, has been acting out more than normal since DH left. We finally turned a corner late this past week. Ever since the phone call yesterday, DS has spiraled back down, acting out more than normal again, screaming at me that he wants only DH, hitting me, etc. DH is the preferred parent since I'm the disciplinarian between the two of us. He told me last night that I wasn't telling him right when I said that DH's phone was broken and that's why we couldn't call him-he told me that it's not broken because he talked to DH earlier that day.

I'm trying to figure out what to do about future calls. Every day when we see an airplane he asks if DH is on that plane coming home and when we pull into the driveway he screams with excitement that "dada's home because the car AND the truck are at home!". We've finally gotten over the tantrums when I break the news to him that DH is still at work.

I know DH misses DS, and he hasn't asked to speak to him until yesterday (mainly because DS goes to bed at 815, call time starts at 830). I'm willing to keep DS up-but now I'm wondering if we're just causing more problems and confusing DS more. DS has pretty high verbal skills and can tell me he misses dada and it makes him sad, but I don't want to confuse the poor kid more. 

We've got 4 weeks to go (I think)-suggestions on how to handle this? 

[arch01]

Nevermind, I talked to DH tonight and he was the first one who said that he will just wait until he gets home and just continue to mail letters. So-problem solved I guess.

[arch01]

Oct 13, 2014 6:25:08 GMT -5 @evelynrichards said:

Hugs. I'm sorry your DS is acting out.

Thanks-I expected it, so at least I prepared myself mentally. It's exhausting, but I'm trying my best to not lose my patience with him as he acts out. This too shall pass.

[btay]

Is there any way to do like a countdown until daddy is home so he has a visual of how long. Like a paper chain where every day he gets to remove one link?

[SwimDeep]

I don't have kids, but I've got a lot of younger brothers and sisters. Honestly, it sounds to me like your DS is extremely perceptive. He knows Dad isn't at work because both of the cars are home. Maybe he's acting out because he senses he's not being told the truth?

Why not just tell him that Dad is sick and that he'll be home soon, but he has to get better first? I like btay's idea about the paper chain. I think most young kids don't necessarily get the concept of time passing, so it might help him to have a physical, tangible way to count down the days.

Again, these are just my thoughts. I don't have kids, and even if I did I wouldn't say "I know" how to resolve issues like this. I'm just throwing out ideas and sending creepy Internet stranger hugs

[pinkdutchtulips]

Oct 13, 2014 12:31:01 GMT -5 SwimDeep said:

I don't have kids, but I've got a lot of younger brothers and sisters. Honestly, it sounds to me like your DS is extremely perceptive. He knows Dad isn't at work because both of the cars are home. Maybe he's acting out because he senses he's not being told the truth?

Why not just tell him that Dad is sick and that he'll be home soon, but he has to get better first? I like btay's idea about the paper chain. I think most young kids don't necessarily get the concept of time passing, so it might help him to have a physical, tangible way to count down the days.

Again, these are just my thoughts. I don't have kids, and even if I did I wouldn't say "I know" how to resolve issues like this. I'm just throwing out ideas and sending creepy Internet stranger hugs

dd was 4 when her dad went to rehab ... I told her that her papa was sick and getting better at a special hospital. even though we had been separated for 4 months, she still would ask about him and she'd hear me talk about him w/ his brothers so she was curious about what was going on.

[arch01]

Oct 13, 2014 12:31:01 GMT -5 SwimDeep said:

I don't have kids, but I've got a lot of younger brothers and sisters. Honestly, it sounds to me like your DS is extremely perceptive. He knows Dad isn't at work because both of the cars are home. Maybe he's acting out because he senses he's not being told the truth?

Why not just tell him that Dad is sick and that he'll be home soon, but he has to get better first? I like btay's idea about the paper chain. I think most young kids don't necessarily get the concept of time passing, so it might help him to have a physical, tangible way to count down the days.

Again, these are just my thoughts. I don't have kids, and even if I did I wouldn't say "I know" how to resolve issues like this. I'm just throwing out ideas and sending creepy Internet stranger hugs

You know, it could be that he senses he's not being told the truth. I didn't think about that much given his age, but that could be the case. I've been hesitant to say that he's sick because he has a fear of doctors-and he "knows" that people who are sick go to the doctor. We've tried explaining that doctors help people get better, but he still thinks doctors are only good for shots I've told him that the cars are there because DH went on the big airplane but it doesn't stick. 

If I can get a date for his return, I'll definitely do the paper chain btay. He definitely doesn't understand the concept of time (he still says we went on the airplane to visit Grandma last week when it was 6 months ago).

SwimDeep thanks for the ideas and hugs-I appreciate it!