Lily is having a lot of emotional issues recently, and I'm afraid there are bigger problems that what I'll be able to help on my own. During/After the divorce, we did speak as a family (the three of us...Ava, Lily, and I) with a counselor at their school/daycare and things were going really well.
Fast forward to now, and of course some of the dynamics have changed. Their Dad is decreasingly involved in their lives (he has them on the weekends...his choice due to his work schedule) and I am not certain about the amount of time he is spending with them. I think he might be "sending" them to his Mom and Grandma a lot. Plus, the whole other Lily (ex's GF's daughter is also named Lily) thing...
So I think it might be time to involve someone a little more seriously for Lily. Ava is not struggling at this time, but I am watching for that as well.
Yes. DS1 was in therapy on and off after I divorced my ex. I think it helped him somewhat, but I can't say for sure how much, but I do think it helped at least SOME.
Post by ThirdandLong on Aug 1, 2012 11:13:01 GMT -5
I've not been in your shoes, but I think you need to go with your gut. If you observe that she's struggling, then this may help her. Your mom-instinct knows.
I'm going to say this as an adult who needed child therapy, send her. She needs a neutral person to talk to. I think it's so terrific that you are even considering it.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Aug 1, 2012 11:16:37 GMT -5
We don't have kids yet, but when my parents went through their divorce when I was 12 and my sister was 9, we both were in counseling. It did help a lot.
I'm so sorry. Kids are resilient, though, and I think having someone to talk to who isn't directly involved in the situation will be good for her.
Post by kellbell191 on Aug 1, 2012 11:16:51 GMT -5
My parents put me in therapy as a teenager (I know your kids are younger than that). Hands down one of the best decisions they ever made for me, I am so grateful to them for it.
DH went post his parents divorce when he was 6ish and didn't like it, but I think it was therapist specific. I'd make sure to find someone she can connect with and emphasize it as something fun and cool, not "you have to go because Mommy and Daddy got divorced".
Saying this as an adult who had minimal therapy as a child, send her. I went into therapy as part of ex's therapy with the hospitalization after his second suicide attempt and there was so much inside that needed to come out that the therapist continued to see me individually as well, and it was such a relief to have someone to simply talk to. I had my son put in counseling for anger management and ADHD management when he was younger and it helped relieve the tensions bottled up inside him which managed the outbursts.
When I had the girls placed with me, I demanded that they be sent to counseling and followed through. It's one of things that I know I did right for the girls.
It's so important that she has someone "safe" that she can talk with and express her emotions and concerns to. You're doing the right thing in considering it, and I think it's the right thing to do it for her.
Thank you, everyone. I guess I just needed the reassurance. The stories of those of you that have went as a child or wished they would have really helped. I don't want her to feel like I think there is something "wrong" with her.
Ugh.
Thanks again, I've already put a call in to the intake person. Hope to hear back soon.
Thank you, everyone. I guess I just needed the reassurance. The stories of those of you that have went as a child or wished they would have really helped. I don't want her to feel like I think there is something "wrong" with her.
Ugh.
Thanks again, I've already put a call in to the intake person. Hope to hear back soon.
That was the first thing the therapist told me, that there was nothing wrong with me. I cannot describe to you what a relief that was.
I know nothing is wrong with her. I don't want *her* to feel like I think there is.
I know, sorry if it came out differently than that. I just meant if you find the right therapist and present it the right way to her too, she'll know too.
I got about 12 years of therapy as a child, mostly after my mom left my abusive father. I'm not 100 percent perfect as an adult - I have a lot of anxiety issues, which is a family-wide issue - but have had several therapists say that I'm as well-adjusted as could be expected with everything I went through. I escaped any daddy issues and have a solid marriage. I will not repeat the same cycles of abuse with my child. And I learned coping mechanisms that helped me with everything I was going through as a kid that I've been able to apply to other hard times in my life. I'm thumbs up, but so sorry your little ones and you are going through this.
I asked my mom if I could see a therapist after my grandfather died, and she told me I was an ungrateful brat and there was nothing wrong with my life. So obviously, I think you're awesome for sending your daughter. I honestly can't see a downside.
I went to a counselor at school when I was little. My dad hasn't been around since I was six, and the counselor would talk to me about it. Sometimes we did group stuff with a bunch of my friends whose dads also weren't in the picture. I enjoyed it, and it got me over a lot of my anger issues.
I've sent Hayden, it was really great for him to understand all of the changes we went through as a family. He seems to still be doing fine, but I wouldn't hesitate to put him back in if I felt he were regressing. Nora is so young that she hasn't been other than all of us going together, but I will send her as well if I feel that she is developing any emotional issues stemming from the divorce.
I agree with pp's, you are an amazing mom, and I know you will do what's best for your daughters. Good luck!
I asked my mom if I could see a therapist after my grandfather died, and she told me I was an ungrateful brat and there was nothing wrong with my life. So obviously, I think you're awesome for sending your daughter. I honestly can't see a downside.
I didn't realize we had the same mother.
OP, you're a great mom for being so concerned for your daughters wellbeing.
I asked my mom if I could see a therapist after my grandfather died, and she told me I was an ungrateful brat and there was nothing wrong with my life. So obviously, I think you're awesome for sending your daughter. I honestly can't see a downside.
I think you know Lily best, and what she needs. Spending some time with a neutral third party who can help her work through her feelings has no downside, in my opinion.
I will only say, find someone that she really likes and feels comfortable with. I HATED the woman I had to go see when I was little. I remember feeling embarrassed by what I was feeling and then having to share them with some stranger.