I didn't read all the replies but some people are so emotional/hormonal/overwhelmed and sleep deprived right after birth. I was more up for visitors about 2 weeks in. Don't push it for a week or two...
Post by curbsideprophet on Nov 27, 2014 13:24:45 GMT -5
Six day old baby and a major holiday, she definitely gets a pass. With me first, there were times during the first two weeks where it took all my energy just to sit up in bed to attempt to feed her. I had no idea it was possible to be that tired.
I know it's been said over and over, but she (they) really deserve a pass. The second day we were home from the hospital I was crying all the time and asked H "what the hell did we just do?!". It's a total mind-f*ck. Add to that the physical changes and pain, the emotional pain and all that. It's a lot to deal with. And the husband is also in the thick of it. If it was anything like my H, he was my rock and dealing with it all plus a hugely emotional wife.
My BFF had her son a few weeks ago and I didn't see them until he was 10 days old. I was seriously impressed that I could see her/them that early and it was such a throwback to what those days were like.
Just text without expectation. Without expectation of a response. Without expectation of an invitation. And do it with understanding, if possible
I'm pretty sure the OP got the message, but I just wanted to add that I was definitely one of those flakey first time moms that was horrible at responding to messages the first few weeks while still posting pictures to FB. I was overwhelmed, overtired and mentally exhausted. I'd see the message and make a note to respond to it later and then something else would come up, or I'd want to respond but couldn't think of a way to say "don't visit me now" without sounding harsh or ungrateful. I knew everyone wanted to see the baby so posting pictures was the easy way to update everyone at once.
Definitely try not to judge too much at this point.
My suggestion for sending another text is because sometimes I would get a text right when I was about to nurse or take a nap and plan on responding later then just totally forget
Ding ding ding! That was me. I am so glad my cousin is talking to me today because i totally forgot to call her back ....from September. Oops.
Before our baby, we had literally zero clue what having a baby means and made a lot of stupid assumptions about our friends with kids. We now realize what d-bags we were.
(note - not calling you names, not trying to start a war here, you were way smarter than me to reach out to new moms and that is a good thing.)
Post by starfish79 on Nov 27, 2014 22:57:17 GMT -5
chiming in as mom to three week old baby to say she needs a major break. the end of pregnancy is exhausting mentally and physically and NOTHING prepares you for the first few weeks of baby's life. it's a total alternate reality. i am experiencing post partum depression and anxiety and i want to see NO ONE except DH. visitors are driving me batty, and they all have good intentions, but they're making me crawl out of my skin.
yes, i'm on FB, it's one of the few things that keeps me awake while i feed my son at 2 am and i have had zero sleep.
drop off a meal on the porch or don't bother them for another few weeks. it may seem like a lot of time to you, but these first few weeks are INSANELY tough.
I give you some kudos for at least asking, but honestly you and your DH have no idea.
She wasn't up for meeting for lunch three weeks before delivery? No shit. I could barely sit in my office chair without being uncomfortable and they paid me to do that. As for asking to see them less than two weeks out for delivery because it's before you go back to work? I'm guessing she hasn't responded because she doesn't know how to just say no for the moment. I always appreciated the well wishes and tried to get back to everyone but trying to commit to seeing someone was a huge effort and the few times I did, I regretted it the day of because: either myself or the baby had slept like shit, I couldn't get the house in order, breast-feeding was going terribly and I didn't like doing it in front of people, I hated trying to keep the baby calm and collected when it felt like I was in a fishbowl and had no idea what I was doing, and/or I didn't have any food to offer them. If you want to be a good friend, offer to swing by with food that's easy to eat with one hand, a coffee and no expectations.
You are both out of line. The newborn phase is the hardest thing I've ever been through and I just could not deal with other people and their feelings. I was in survival mode.
Don't just give her a pass. Reach out with kindness instead with no expectation of it being returned. Leave cookies and wine on her doorstep. Send your H over to rake their leaves or shovel snow. Tell her you're thinking about her and you'll be there to help when she's ready, no rush. Be the bigger person.
Is this a bitch eating crackers scenario? Because it sounds like you were already annoyed with her "using" you to move and then her canceling lunch plans while hugely pregnant and not returning your text just cemented your feelings toward her. Otherwise, I can't comprehend the level of offense.