Like, how the fuck am I supposed to learn from this and grow from this if I don't even know what happened?
It's not about you. You didn't do anything wrong.
The thing that you could take from this is that sometimes people will tell you what they think you want to hear. I'm not saying that to be a dick. It sounds harsh, but in reality it should be a comforting thing to know that you didn't do anything wrong to make him suddenly change his mind about you. He was leading you on making you think he was available and open to being with you, but he really wasn't all along. He sucks. I'm sorry you're hurt.
Don't worry, I don't think you're being a dick at all. I think you're absolutely right. It's just unfortunately that part that is hard to reconcile for future dating - how can you tell if someone is telling you what you want to hear vs. being genuine? He truly seemed so genuine. I've definitely gotten "tell me what I want to hear" vibes from other dudes before, but not from him. Oh well. I guess I will cross that bridge when I stumble upon it.
This is on HIM. All him - you don't have to learn anything from this - it's nothing to do with anything you did or need to learn. He's a jerk. I'm sorry you're hurting.
It's just unfortunately that part that is hard to reconcile for future dating - how can you tell if someone is telling you what you want to hear vs. being genuine?
Post by happyholiday on Dec 2, 2014 23:42:30 GMT -5
Ugh, I'm sorry. What a selfish, cowardly person. Please don't lose trust in yourself because you didn't see this coming. Guys like this are masters of lying, because they believe what they're telling you in the moment.
Ugh, I'm sorry. My stbx did this to his girlfriend when he decided that he still loved me. She actually texted me asking me why he would do this to her. Of course he cheated on me with her behind my back for quite awhile(and she knew he was cheating on his wife) before he broke it off with me so I didn't have any empathy for her but the moral of the story is still the same. I have no idea why some people are such douchebags.
And Walterismydog- I'm so sorry this happened but it is his loss. You are so much fun to be around and a truly genuine person. The right guy for you is going to be hard to find because he has to match your amazingness. <3
When I think back on my dating life I now fondly remember the guy who was man enough to say, 3 months in "Jenn, I really like you but something is missing between us. I can't tell what exactly it is and it's nothing you said or did, something just isn't there for me." He was the only guy in the 8 years of dating from my divorce until the time I was with my husband who had the integrity to not lead me on, lie, or just disappear.
Everyone deserves that honesty.
And this guy you were seeing deserves a major dick-punch.
I could see something like this as a reason. Weird!!
As pointless as it is to even try to figure out what happened, I have a hunch that it has something to do with his ex. There were some strange things surrounding that whole situation.
I think ultimately I probably dodged a bullet and a bunch of baggage and drama, soooo good riddance I suppose. Still would have been nice to have been TOLD. Blargh.
A similar thing happened to me years ago. His ex found out he was dating someone he really liked (me) and she popped back into his life. We had been together 3 months, and then he disappeared. I ran into him about 6 months later and he apologized. Guys can be such jerks and immature.
Well, first, he's an ass. And completely immature. 8 weeks is a reeeeally short time to get to know someone well. You asked how you know he is blowing smoke up your ass or is genuine? Pretty sure it's just time. It takes a while to build trust and uncover someone's past. I'm sorry for your loss. And it is a loss; of promises for the future, looking forward to something and someone good.
You say he's not on FB? Are you sure? Have you had a friend search for his name? I'm just wondering if he blocked you early on and told you he didn't have a profile. Because something is shady as fuck.