Well, first, he's an ass. And completely immature. 8 weeks is a reeeeally short time to get to know someone well. You asked how you know he is blowing smoke up your ass or is genuine? Pretty sure it's just time. It takes a while to build trust and uncover someone's past. I'm sorry for your loss. And it is a loss; of promises for the future, looking forward to something and someone good.
You say he's not on FB? Are you sure? Have you had a friend search for his name? I'm just wondering if he blocked you early on and told you he didn't have a profile. Because something is shady as fuck.
You're absolutely right, that is a very short time. And if I have anything to learn from this, it's that I do fall hard and fast so that's something I should be more in tune with in the future. Thank you.
He actually is on facebook, but it's an ancient account that he doesn't use. He's not really a computer/fb type. I looked up his ex also, and they are not mutual friends, but he is mutual friends with his son. Something is definitely shady, but I am not really sure what. He's lucky I'm not some kind of psycho because he told me all his info, where his kid goes to school, his work, etc. I have friends who would have done something crazy with all of that information, so he's lucky that I'm not the type.
I'm so glad you dodged the bullet with this guy because you're right, he is not a MAN yet. Holy cow, what if you had a house with him and the garbage disposal broke? You might find him hiding under the bed!
What I am sad for is your sadness and your pain. I'm so sorry, walter. I know I never liked hearing this from married friends when I was single but the right one will come along and knock your socks off. I hope the time is not long for you to find him.
I'm sorry, that sucks. The same thing happened with the last guy I dates before DH. We dated for a couple of months and everything was going great. I went home for Thanksgiving and tried to call him while I was there - no answer, no return call. I never heard from him again. So freaking weird.
The thing that you could take from this is that sometimes people will tell you what they think you want to hear. I'm not saying that to be a dick. It sounds harsh, but in reality it should be a comforting thing to know that you didn't do anything wrong to make him suddenly change his mind about you. He was leading you on making you think he was available and open to being with you, but he really wasn't all along. He sucks. I'm sorry you're hurt.
Don't worry, I don't think you're being a dick at all. I think you're absolutely right. It's just unfortunately that part that is hard to reconcile for future dating - how can you tell if someone is telling you what you want to hear vs. being genuine? He truly seemed so genuine. I've definitely gotten "tell me what I want to hear" vibes from other dudes before, but not from him. Oh well. I guess I will cross that bridge when I stumble upon it.
It's a leap of faith. It's really hard to know if someone is for real. Honestly, I've been with my BF about 13 months and I still very occasionally worry he is going to someday say "Just kidding! I don't actually want to plan a future with you". But I worry a lot less than I did a year ago It takes time and someone showing you again and again that they are genuine. There are a lot of thoughtless dicks out there, but there are also good guys who are genuine. There is no way to know which way things are going to go, but you have to take the leap of faith that it might work out. Because if you don't, it's over before it started KWIM?
I think the important thing to remember when stuff like this happens is that it says a lot more about him than it does about you. My guess is that you did NOTHING wrong and he got back together with an ex or something similar that has nothing to do with you. And instead of being mature and dealing with it, he ran away. Better to know that's how he deals with things NOW than find out further into a relationship.
But despite all that, I know it sucks and I'm sorry it happened to you. No matter what logic and reason you put behind stuff like this, it hurts and that sucks. Hugs for you.
Ugh, I'm sorry. My stbx did this to his girlfriend when he decided that he still loved me. She actually texted me asking me why he would do this to her. Of course he cheated on me with her behind my back for quite awhile(and she knew he was cheating on his wife) before he broke it off with me so I didn't have any empathy for her but the moral of the story is still the same. I have no idea why some people are such douchebags.
I can't believe the balls some people have. She wanted to know how he could do that to her? And she thought you might have some words of wisdom for her? What a snatch.
walterismydog I'm sorry he turned out to be a dick. I've been there before and it hurts, even though you know it's his deal and not yours.
Yea, but she is a psycho. He made his bed and now has to deal with the consequences of his actions.
There was a douchebag sales rep in my office for about 5 years that would purposely break up with women either before their birthdays or before Christmas JUST so he didn't have to buy them a gift. He actually admitted it out loud to me. Hence his nickname around the office which was Dave the Douchebag.