My daughter is 30 and her boyfriend is 41. They are both madly in love with each other, however, he doesn't want anymore children (has 1 from previous) Daughter wants kids but not now. This would be a really hard choice to have to make. What would yours be?
If I was your daughter? I would leave. It was a dealbreaker for me. But some people work it out. My brother's wife changed her mind after the wedding and doesn't want kids. My mom screams "DIVORCE!" but he'd rather have no kids with her than have kids with someone else. It is a very personal decision.
What decision are you specifically trying to make? Or are you asking more about what should your daughter decide?
If she wants kids and he doesn't then she's going to have to decide if that's a dealbreaker for her or not...she can't assume he'll change his mind down the road, so she needs to make the best decision for herself
Thanks for all the input. Just wondering what others decisions would be if in the same situation. I am staying OUT OF IT for sure. Just talking to you guys that I don't know.
I can't be positive, but I don't think I would have let myself get to the point of being "madly in love" with someone if I knew they did not want kids and I did.
Post by statlerwaldorf on Aug 2, 2012 16:02:28 GMT -5
It was a deal breaker for me. I dated a man once that had one son and didn't want any more kids. It was hard to walk away, but I knew I wouldn't be happy in the long run.
Post by bananapancakes on Aug 2, 2012 16:45:18 GMT -5
It was and is a deal breaker for me. My husband was always on board with having kids until about 3 or 4 months ago when he told me that he wasn't sure that he wanted kids anymore. He knew this was a deal breaker for me and we came very close to separating. We've been in marriage counseling and luckily we have uncovered some underlying issues and he is now onboard with kids again. We're not rushing into anything and remain in counseling but we are now on the same page which is a relief. Had he not been able to identify and uncover these underlying issues and was certain that he didn't want kids, we would've separated and later divorced.
Post by CheshireGrin on Aug 2, 2012 17:49:38 GMT -5
So, this is pretty much me right now exactly. I'm 30 and the guy I'm seeing(?) is 44. Everything is going really well, but I have hesitated to put a label on things, mostly because I keep getting hung up on the age issue. I'm not sure if I want kids or not. For the most part, I have thought that I didn't, but as I get older I have some hesitations and I'm not ready to say absolutely that I don't. Being with him would mean making that an absolute, and I'm really struggling with what I want. But I like him a lot and we have an incredible friendship, which is absolutely different from any relationship I have been in previously.
Interestingly, my mom and I have had many lengthy conversations about this whole topic, so my first reaction to this post was, "...Mom?"
It's okay, though, because I DO get your screen name and love you a lot for it. Our cats are named George Michael and Maeby.
** jumping in **
My dogs names are Buster and Franklin. When we were thinking about adopting a girl dog, her name would have been Maeby. Arrested Development is wonderful.
I think this is one of those no-doubt dealbreakers. You can't really compromise between kids and no kids. One of the parties will always be giving in, and most likely will end up resentful.
When I had to tell my H that I had changed my mind about kids (we were staunchly on the no-kids train for our entire relationship), I actually CRIED as I said it to him. Because I knew that if he said he hadn't changed his mind- it would be the end of our marriage. No matter how much we loved each other, you can't compromise on kids.
Cheshire Grin...Really I'm not your Mom. That part is too funny. I would never interfere in my daughter's decision but she is exactly where you are right now too. It's really sad becaue when they first started dating he told her he wanted more kids and now since they are really serious he has changed his mind.