There are so many great updates in this thread! I'm glad things are coming together for a lot of you.
I also just want to grab a bunch of you and give you giant bear hugs. I hope things get better for those of you that are still struggling.
I love this place and how supportive we are of each other.
I think the only thing I really have to update about is xh. He got out of jail on bond (that I'm fairly certain my xmil paid) in early November after being there since early August. His charge is possession of a weapon with intent. He is staying with xmil and she "knows for sure he hasn't drank since August 7". Quitting because you are forced to is completely different then quitting because you want to. There will be a pre-sentencing investigation done that usually takes 30-45 days so I suspect he will have another court date after the first of the year to receive his sentence. He could get probation, or he could get 5 years in prison. So that's where we are at with that.
I have moments where I get extremely heartbroken at the fact that ds will never know my dad and that my dad will not see either of my kids grow up and get married. I get really sad a lot still and miss him like crazy. I'm still waiting for it to "get better".
Otherwise, life couldn't be better in the styme household. Every day I look at h and am amazed at how different he is then xh and how much better my life is with him in it. He loves dd and ds unconditionally and it melts my heart to watch them with him.
God, I am so emotional right now. I'm so happy for all of you with positive updates, and I am so sorry for all of you who are still suffering or struggling. Big, big group hug.
My only update is about my mom's breast cancer. I never realized how difficult it is to choose a treatment plan because there is no perfect answer, and my mom had a really hard time making that decision. She is like me and just wanted to be told what to do, but ultimately she opted for a lumpectomy which she had just over a month ago. I'm very happy to say that she is now cancer-free and will be starting tamoxifen soon. It is such a huge relief and made for a very, very thankful Thanksgiving.
Wow textbookcase. Sounds like a roller coaster year. I am happy about your brother and nephew and niece.
I hope you find your way through your relationship with your H, it sounds tough. ((Hugs)) Are you taking care of yourself? Are you talking to someone? Sometimes that does more than couples counseling in helping you get strong and assess your relationship in a way that can make you happy.
**butting out now**
Yes, I have been talking to someone on my own, which has been pretty helpful in figuring out what I want out of life. It's been pretty tough but hopefully everything will work out soon, whichever way that may be.
snipsnsnails my heart breaks for your friend. I can't imagine how devastating the anniversary and holidays will be but I am so glad she is surrounded by friends who clearly love her and her family so much.
I meant to thank you yesterday for replying and thinking good thoughts for her. There is an abundance of love for her and we're grateful for that.
Stay strong, friend. I'm certain it's helping and I hope you continue to feel it and see it.
Post by Mrs. ChanandlerBong on Dec 18, 2014 14:07:45 GMT -5
It was quite some time ago, but I confessed in a randoms that we had a significant amount of credit card debit, mostly due to tax circumstances.
One card is just short of being paid off. The other hasn't incurred any new charges since that time, we pay the minimum plus a little extra on that one. We should have the one taken care of by the end of 2015. I am working very part time and my H was given a promotion and a raise this fall. So we're on the right track. This is the first Christmas in a few years that I don't feel like we're drowning.
Thanks CurlyQ284 and TR You two have always been so kind to me! I have learned lately that I need to stop caring about what others think and do what I want. In years past I have always asked what others thought on things like hair cuts, clothes, glasses, or what we are doing. Now I'm telling those people what I'm going to do.
Post by sparkythelawyer on Dec 18, 2014 14:24:38 GMT -5
Still loving my job, Still with the handsome fireman, and our little girl will be here in less than two months! I am always so amazed at this time of year how wonderful my life turned out, when it could have gone so very much the other way. We have our hills to climb, but we still feel like the luckiest people ever :-)
Thanks CurlyQ284 and TR You two have always been so kind to me! I have learned lately that I need to stop caring about what others think and do what I want. In years past I have always asked what others thought on things like hair cuts, clothes, glasses, or what we are doing. Now I'm telling those people what I'm going to do.
I hear you. I still struggle a lot with this, particularly with my mom. And trying to rebel against that notion a little too much led to some pretty shitty behavior on my part, BUT I think it's a good direction to be moving in. My situation has a lot of differences from yours, but the leaving a seemingly perfectly nice guy who still loves you? Yep, I can relate to that. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk things out.
Post by jeekerbeeker on Dec 18, 2014 15:16:20 GMT -5
Hugs for everyone...there are so many wonderful ladies here.
At the end of 2012 my H and I began having problems. We worked on our marriage and I tried to work on getting past the problem but I just couldn't. I was depressed and abusing alcohol. I posted here last October that we were officially separating and after rereading that post I am still happy with the decision that I made.
We were together almost 12 years and would have been married 5 earlier this year. He was my best friend and I never thought that I would get past the hurt he caused me but I feel like a new person these days. I've met someone that is truly great and I'm confident in our relationship. It seems like things have finally fallen into place for me.
I am moving to NOLA this coming summer to be with him.
Yes. We had a trainer come to the house and he couldn't get her to react at all other than to be submissive. He is totally puzzled about the whole thing and suggested that my nephew frightened her or reminded her of someone from her past. My nephew is doing great. He wants to "make her his friend" but that's not going to happen.
Nothing like a little victim blaming. Please don't tell your nephew this. As someone who was bitten by a family member's dog for no known reason, let me tell you that this hurts...a lot. I felt that they blamed me (all I did was walk past the dog, quietly, and it jumped up and bit me). They kept the dog, and never spoke of it to me again. The dog went on to bite three other people, also for no known reason (oh, you must have frightened it/reminded it of something) over the next several years. I feared for their children (they were never bit), and never felt safe in their home again. (They had the dog in the basement when company was over.) Honestly, my relationship with them has never been the same.
Yes. We had a trainer come to the house and he couldn't get her to react at all other than to be submissive. He is totally puzzled about the whole thing and suggested that my nephew frightened her or reminded her of someone from her past. My nephew is doing great. He wants to "make her his friend" but that's not going to happen.
Nothing like a little victim blaming. Please don't tell your nephew this. As someone who was bitten by a family member's dog for no known reason, let me tell you that this hurts...a lot. I felt that they blamed me (all I did was walk past the dog, quietly, and it jumped up and bit me). They kept the dog, and never spoke of it to me again. The dog went on to bite three other people, also for no known reason (oh, you must have frightened it/reminded it of something) over the next several years. I feared for their children (they were never bit), and never felt safe in their home again. (They had the dog in the basement when company was over.) Honestly, my relationship with them has never been the same.
You and I discussed this when it initially happened (your story/victim blaming). No one is blaming my nephew, especially not my husband or me. Just because he may have startled her or whatever, it is not his fault at all. The trainer is not blaming my nephew either, just trying to identify a cause for her behavior, which no matter the cause, was unacceptable.
I really think you are transferring your feelings onto this situation, which I can understand but this situation is not like your situation.
You and I discussed this when it initially happened (your story/victim blaming). No one is blaming my nephew, especially not my husband or me. Just because he may have startled her or whatever, it is not his fault at all. The trainer is not blaming my nephew either, just trying to identify a cause for her behavior, which no matter the cause, was unacceptable.
I really think you are transferring your feelings onto this situation, which I can understand but this situation is not like your situation.
We can agree to disagree on that. I really hope that he's really as understanding and OK with it as you think he is. (And I don't doubt that he's telling you...I'm not implying that you're making it up, at all.)
I tried to save face and play it off like it wasn't a big deal, but how I really felt about the situation was different than how I told the relatives. I wasn't willing to cause a scene, as I knew it was not my choice what they did with their dog, nor would my opinion sway them in the least. (Maybe your reaction would have been different if your nephew voiced discomfort, but this person cares only about herself and wouldn't have taken that into consideration.)
My point is simply to remember that how he really feels about the situation may be different than how he expresses it to you. (It's really a sucky situation, because you know how much they love the dog and how it's a big part of their family...but it still bit you for no known reason.)
ETA: The victim blaming part...I meant your trainer. I know you feel strongly that it wasn't your nephew's fault. And even if the trainer doesn't mean it, hearing "you frightened him" can easily come across as YOU did something TO HIM. Saying "the dog got spooked" carries much less weight.
You and I discussed this when it initially happened (your story/victim blaming). No one is blaming my nephew, especially not my husband or me. Just because he may have startled her or whatever, it is not his fault at all. The trainer is not blaming my nephew either, just trying to identify a cause for her behavior, which no matter the cause, was unacceptable.
I really think you are transferring your feelings onto this situation, which I can understand but this situation is not like your situation.
We can agree to disagree on that. I really hope that he's really as understanding and OK with it as you think he is. (And I don't doubt that he's telling you...I'm not implying that you're making it up, at all.)
I tried to save face and play it off like it wasn't a big deal, but how I really felt about the situation was different than how I told the relatives. I wasn't willing to cause a scene, as I knew it was not my choice what they did with their dog, nor would my opinion sway them in the least. (Maybe your reaction would have been different if your nephew voiced discomfort, but this person cares only about herself and wouldn't have taken that into consideration.)
My point is simply to remember that how he really feels about the situation may be different than how he expresses it to you. (It's really a sucky situation, because you know how much they love the dog and how it's a big part of their family...but it still bit you for no known reason.)
Like I said before, my nephew is determined to make Lucy like him so they can be friends. I have checked with his mom and dad to make sure he is truly okay and if there are any signs of him having issues. We never used any words that would make him feel bad or like it was his fault. All blame has been placed directly on Lucy.
I have gone above and beyond to make sure that my nephew is okay physically and emotionally. There is literally nothing else for me to do to make sure he is okay and quite honestly, he is getting annoyed with me asking. So seriously, you can stop trying to make me feel bad. This is a hard enough situation as it is and I really feel as though we have handled it the best way we could have for everyone involved.
Honestly, I'm not trying to make you feel bad, and I'm sorry if I did. I know it was a hard decision for you, and even though I disagree with you, it's none of my business. Only you and whoever was in the room that day know what happened, your dog's temperament/history, and the way your child and dog are together. I had no way of knowing that you had such in depth conversations with your nephew and his parents. I'm glad that you did, and that his initial response seems to be sincere. I hope that this is a one-time incident and you never have to be in this position again.
Honestly, I'm not trying to make you feel bad, and I'm sorry if I did. I know it was a hard decision for you, and even though I disagree with you, it's none of my business. Only you and whoever was in the room that day know what happened, your dog's temperament/history, and the way your child and dog are together. I had no way of knowing that you had such in depth conversations with your nephew and his parents. I'm glad that you did, and that his initial response seems to be sincere. I hope that this is a one-time incident and you never have to be in this position again.
OK fine - I'm assuming it's ooglie that you are all judging. As someone who stayed with a cheating husband for WAY too long, and truly felt like I had to "fight to save my marriage," I will not judge her. Until you are in the situation, you don't know what you will do. Cheating is a major mindfuck, and looking back on my own situation, in hindsight I would do things a lot differently. So I'm just going to wish her luck and hope for the best.
Instead of judging, we should all introduce the scorned women of the board to some hot side pieces of their very own to enjoy while they figure out what they want out of their marriages.
Post by CajunShrimp on Dec 18, 2014 21:03:43 GMT -5
I want to thank you guys for all the support you gave me when we found out DS #2 has a clubbed foot. Multiple ultrasounds haven't changed that, but I feel better about it than I did the day I posted. Thank you everyone for all your good wishes and stories. It helped more than you ever will know.
This pregnancy has been rough. Besides the diagnosis, I got bronchitis and was sick as a dog for almost 6 weeks. It took me forever to gain any weight, and I lost the five pounds I had gained in a week because I was coughing so hard I was throwing up. Then I failed the gestational diabetes test, and my blood sugars are all over the freaking place. I am losing weight again, and my endocrinologist doesn't seem concerned that at 31 weeks I have gained only 3 pounds. So it has been super stressful, which is one of the reasons I haven't been around much.
Nest year will be better - I just need to get through the next 9 weeks
I've posted asking for advice and just generally venting regarding my miscarriages, and now I have a beautiful almost 6 week old son. He is really challenging, but I wouldn't change a minute of it and am grateful for the support I received here. It really did help to have a sounding board.
I also posted recently about my brother and his girlfriend hiding their pregnancy from my family and planning to show at my baby shower when she was 5ish months along. I was worried about my niece's mother, brother's ex-wife, finding out at the shower as I knew she wouldn't take it well and it is only recently that my brother is back in my niece's life. I did update a short while later saying that ex-SIL didn't come. The update is that my brother's gf is now 7 months pregnant and still not showing. They told my ex-SIL about the pregnancy this week, which was much later than was reasonable and she did not take it well at all. Nobody else in our family has been told, including our grandparents, and the whole thing is just weird. My dad suspects that there is no baby, and I don't think that's true but they are definitely being squirrely about everything.
Post by peachykate on Dec 18, 2014 21:27:52 GMT -5
My grandmother passed last month, she had been battling dementia for it 3.5 years but downhill health swing was very sudden.
My dad is doing well, he had his lymph node check two weeks ago and he was all clear. He had a skin check and head a lot removed so we are just waiting for the biopsy results.
I went off the pill last month and actually got my period. I haven't had my period in so long that I forgot to put in a new pad one day. So we will try until this time next year and see what happens. I'm not overly hopeful but you never know.
I think I'm starting to actually realize that my relationship isn't going to go anywhere. We've been together almost 10 years, we've developed into different people and I don't think we are completely compatible anymore. I know he's depressed, he know's that he's depressed but won't do anything about it. He doesn't pick up after himself, he doesn't help around the house outside of yardwork and is pretty lax about that. I'm feeling like a mother / roommate more than a girlfriend and I've seen evidence that things won't actually change. We've talked about these things before and things change for the remainder of the week but never long term. He has issues with my sex drive, I don't want to have sex every single day. I don't want to be fondled everytime I get in to bed or everytime he gets in bed and I think that the constant pushing to have sex or let him fondle me decreases my desire to do anything, anytime. I know what I need to do but it's hard to destroy a 10 year relationship with someone that is seemingly still in love with me.
I could've written this exactly, except I'm the depressed one. Everything else is exact. We had our second MC appointment last night, but I"m not too optimistic. I'm sorry you're in the same position.
I could've written this exactly, except I'm the depressed one. Everything else is exact. We had our second MC appointment last night, but I"m not too optimistic. I'm sorry you're in the same position.
I'm sorry you're in the boat with me Be kind to yourself. Let me know if you want to chat, I can sympathize, even if I don't know what I'm doing with life lol