Post by stephm0188 on Dec 20, 2014 10:47:27 GMT -5
I say this as someone who cut off my own family... the check isn't about a kind gesture or love. It's an effort to get a response from you. It's been nearly 10 years from me, and I still get random FB messages, emails, letters, and phone calls. I don't respond. That's what they're looking for- a response of any kind. And I'm sure to them, it'll always be "Oh well, I tried, what more does she want from me?" They've never ever acknowledged what I said when I cut them off.
I don't want anything. They will never be the people I need them to be, and I've accepted that.
Rip up the check and don't mention it again. It's not a gesture of love. It's a way for them to see how you'll respond without ever having to address the letter.
If I see them make effort to try to treat everyone fairly, I'd be thrilled to have them in our lives again. I just don't want to have the conversation in a few years when the kids ask why their Great Grandparents only sent a card, and no gift. Thats why I thought it might be easier to say "they loved you very much, and mom and dad have put their gift towards you're college education:. I think that might be easier than saying 'mommy sent the gift back every year since we don't get along". I don't want to seem like the bad guy, because I know thats how I felt towards my parents years ago. I don't *think* they would use that as a way to manipulate me. I think regardless, they will always send cards (as they still do my mother) to show that they do still love us despite the conflict.
Well, if you do accept it, you should write a thank you note. Just tell them you put it away for your kids.
If definitely send a thank you, and a small life update. I feel better when I feel I'm in 'control' of the relationship, and not giving them chances to hurt me.