Anyone here?

[gardengnome]

Someone tell me not to drink. It's rough right now. Truth? I had two drinks yesterday. And my anxiety is at a 10 right now. I'm confused and sad. About a month ago I asked my husband if he could remove all alcohol from the house. I thought he did. I took the water bottles to the recycling bin this morning and saw this:
I have no clue if my picture uploaded. But there was a handle of vodka empty and 8 or 9 regular bottles empty. I am an alcoholic and didn't even drink that much in a week. I guess I never noticed. But I feel like if I confront him, it's just going to blow up in my face, since I'm the one with the problem.
I honestly don't know about anything anymore.

[arch01]

Where's flex?? @courtneyloves? lexxasaurus? (They're better equipped to respond than I am)

Do you have anyone close to you who knows that you're an alcoholic who can talk to you right now? Any chance of attending an AA meeting? Look them up, there's bound to be one reasonably close to you-and soon.

Do you believe he drank all of it? Focus on you right this second.

[lexxasaurus]

I am here! And she is correct, focus on you.

Do not drink. Don't. Just don't do it, don't romanticize it in your head, remember that it never, ever leads to any good for us. I'm an alcoholic as well, I get the want to drink, but do WHATEVER it takes to not. Drive, run, call someone, go to a meeting, etc.

After you've gotten your head calmed down a bit, think about what you're going to do. Think about it rationally. Blowing up and throwing bottles never works (though that's my first thought). Silent treatment won't fix this. It needs to be discussed, and you know better than we do how to approach your H. You have physical evidence that leads you to think there is a problem so please don't think "I have the problem, I can't approach him about this." I dated an alcoholic/addict for years and neither of our problems were more or less valid because of the other person.

[lexxasaurus]

Also, I remember posting in your thread a couple months ago. How have you been taking care of yourself? Getting rid of the alcohol in the house is a GREAT step. If it means you only had two drinks yesterday, instead of a whole bottle? That sounds good to me. There are very few stressful situations I handle without thinking "Fuck, I need a drink, just one." But that you came here and posted BEFORE you took that first drink? Huge. I am so sorry you're anxious and sad and confused but we're here for you. I know this board isn't quite as busy, but the other girls will surely pop in here in a bit and they are awesome.

[flex]

Well I think it's pretty reasonable to ask him where the bottles came from and why they're there.

Also, back in October you admitted that you haven't gotten involved too much in meetings, getting a sponsor, working the Steps, etc. Are you ready now?? Are you truly ready to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober?

Only you can answer those questions honestly.

[gardengnome]

Thanks guys.
Flexie- I asked him where the bottles came from, he said they were his and he was only buying small bottles so that he could drink them and not have bottles in the house.
I do want to stop, and I was doing really good with meetings, have a sponser and thought I was doing good. Also started with a therapist. I was off work for two weeks, and two days ago I just feel off the wagon.
I think the hardest part for me is that my husband drinks like a fish. I asked him
Not to keep it in the house, so now he buys pints, drinks them at night and throws them away in the morning.
And I'm not sure how to handle it. I know that me drinking is 100% on me, but I think he also has a problem. But if I say anything, I feel like I'm deflecting.

[flex]

Did you not go to meetings when you were off work? Did you stay in contact with your sponsor during that time? FYI: There's nothing wrong with starting again at square one. I fell off the wagon several times before I really got into meetings and working the Steps. Just keep at it.

My ex-h didn't stop drinking when I did. In fact, while we were married he still drank wine, etc., and I stayed sober. Because alcohol no longer had control over me.

BUT...I completely understand why his drinking makes you uncomfortable. He doesn't have to stop because you want him to. So you need to concentrate on "you". You may want to consider Al-Anon meetings to deal with his drinking.

[gardengnome]

I never thought of al-anon. Thats a good idea.
I guess it's the hypocrisy that gets to me the most. I've drank 4 days since the beginning of august. My husband? Every single day. And I get it, he has every right to be mad because I said I wouldn't drink and I did.
And his mom was here about a month ago and I told her what was going on. It was the first person, other than my husband and AA people that I told. She seemed very supportive when she was here. A day after she left she sent me an email telling me she was disappointed in me and I betrayed her all these years. Fast forward to Xmas Eve, I was picking my husband and her up from a friends and she was falling down drunk.
These are the things that make me mad and want to say f u, but I know that I can't control them and I need to focus I me. I wish there was more support here, but there's not.

[flex]

It's time to find a better form of support system besides your H and his family. Actively seek out the people of AA--they'll support you 100%.

[SwimDeep]

I would also suggest al-anon because it really helped me learn to let go of my desire to control my H's drinking. I know of several people who attend both AA and al-anon meetings because they want to stop drinking but are also in relationships with people who still drink.

Also, one thing that my H likes to say to himself when he's tempted to drink is "Alcohol only makes the problem bigger."

(((hugs))) I hope you can get to a supportive meeting soon.

[btay]

I agree that Al Anon is a good idea. There are many alcoholics in my weekly Al Anon meeting who swear by the combo of AA/Al Anon to keep them sober and healthy. You will not be the only one. The main thing right now is to put the focus on you, do what you need to do to stay sober. You H may or may not have a problem but there is nothing you can do about it, so focus on what you can do, and that is reach out to your sponsor and AA community.