Oh hell no. My parents never let H spend the night and I wont allow it either unless there is a special circumstance. I did spend the night at H's parents a few times but my parents didnt know.
College and then it better be a fairly stable relationship. My parents let us sleep with our college bfs when we brought them home, which honestly astounded me but they were a-ok with it.
Fun story about this: Hs parents are great but ridiculously conservative and very very devoutly religious. I moved in with H and his parents (which I'm surprised they were even ok with, but his mom told me personally it was good) two months before our wedding while our house was being finished. His mom put me in the guestroom on the opposite side of the upstairs from Hs room. Then kept the stairwell door open at night in case she heard things. H would come lay by me at bit at bedtime just talk about our day/say good night or we'd hang out and finalize wedding stuff and she'd all be walking by every 8 minutes checking up on us. It was so weird and hilarious at once. They were out of town at least quite a few weekends that summer.
Post by purplecow0206 on Jan 21, 2015 10:44:59 GMT -5
I really think it depends on the circumstance.
~High school BF that is absolutely not going to last and lives 15 minutes away, HELL NO!
~Early/mid 20s in a committed relationship that is likely heading towards engagement and marriage, maybe but not a given.
I don't feel like I know what A would do in this situation yet, so I don't want to make a blanket statement until I know what her reaction to this would be. H thought it was strange that my parents wouldn't let us stay in the same room, but I felt weirded out when his parents let us stay together in their home after dating for 4 months or so.
not in high school, but college is fine. i don't really understand how i could possibly feel disrespected by my daughter sharing a bed with her significant other (man or woman) in my house. it doesn't offend me at all.
Post by londoncalling on Jan 22, 2015 10:35:47 GMT -5
My parents only allowed us to share a room once DH and I were engaged.
I had a lot less sex under those circumstances than I had with other BFs during other times in their house that weren't "sleepovers."
So I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. I'm not going to rule it out completely because I want to make sure my girls feel comfortable about sex and talking with me about it. I know that my mother avoiding the topic with me did me a big disservice in associating sex with love (i.e. you only have sex when you're married and love someone). Franker discussions with her about sex, the emotional ramifications etc. would have been a lot more useful and I wouldn't have had to sneak around to get BC to stay safe.
Probably college-ish. I can't remember what my parents rules were when I was in college. I think we slept separately. I had the same BF for most of my college years, so it's fuzzy.
Funny anecdote, DH's first time meeting my parents was basically a Christmas Eve booty call. He drove up that night, spent the night (in my room), and left Christmas morning. My parents were fine with it.
Probably in college, especially in the scenario of a boyfriend/girlfriend visiting from out of town.
Post-college? Sure, honestly I can't think of a reason why not. They are adults. Unless they're still living at home. Then I might disallow it just to incent them to move out, LOL.
I won't lay down a specific age because I think it depends on my kids' personalities and their relationships.
At some point though, especially when we're talking about someone visiting from college, to me it's more important to communicate that I trust my daughters' judgment than it is to communicate some sort of no sex under my roof message.
Post by galaxy8227 on Jan 22, 2015 13:16:56 GMT -5
My college boyfriend would sometimes spend the night at our house during the summer but he slept in the basement on our pullout. Never had to deal with this with my husband since we all live in the same town and I had my own apartment when I met DH.
Post by rootbeerfloat on Jan 22, 2015 13:26:19 GMT -5
I can't see allowing it in high school, but certainly in college.
I didn't bring anyone home until I was in my 20s, but my sister and BIL started dating when they were in college, and he practically lived there during the summers, lol.
Sorry that the double standard part is tripping people up.
I think requiring two adults, who sleep next to each on a regular basis, who may or may not even be having sex, to sleep in separate rooms and/or beds is ridiculous and I just don't understand it. It makes no sense to me.
But there are plenty of things adults do every day that I don't want them doing in my house.
My kids may get shitfaced drunk when they're adults. I don't want them doing it in my house. My kids may do drugs when they're adults, I don't want them doing it in my house. My kids may have sex before they're married. I don't want them doing it in my house.
I feel like this comes up all the time on this board, where OOT family is coming to visit, but want to dictate where they sleep/what they do/who they bring/etc., and the response is always, "If they want to do that, they need to get a hotel." My kids will always be welcome in my home, but if they want to insist on a sleeping arrangement I don't agree with, they can get a hotel. Because they're adults.
Sorry that the double standard part is tripping people up.
I think requiring two adults, who sleep next to each on a regular basis, who may or may not even be having sex, to sleep in separate rooms and/or beds is ridiculous and I just don't understand it. It makes no sense to me.
But there are plenty of things adults do every day that I don't want them doing in my house.
My kids may get shitfaced drunk when they're adults. I don't want them doing it in my house. My kids may do drugs when they're adults, I don't want them doing it in my house. My kids may have sex before they're married. I don't want them doing it in my house.
I feel like this comes up all the time on this board, where OOT family is coming to visit, but want to dictate where they sleep/what they do/who they bring/etc., and the response is always, "If they want to do that, they need to get a hotel." My kids will always be welcome in my home, but if they want to insist on a sleeping arrangement I don't agree with, they can get a hotel. Because they're adults.
I still think it is an odd thing to get worked up about as a parent. Drugs are illegal it is reasonable to expect they won't be brought into someone's house. I can see limiting alcohol. Making two people,who usually sleep together, sleep apart is just mean and petty and it makes no sense to me.
Sorry that the double standard part is tripping people up.
I think requiring two adults, who sleep next to each on a regular basis, who may or may not even be having sex, to sleep in separate rooms and/or beds is ridiculous and I just don't understand it. It makes no sense to me.
But there are plenty of things adults do every day that I don't want them doing in my house.
My kids may get shitfaced drunk when they're adults. I don't want them doing it in my house. My kids may do drugs when they're adults, I don't want them doing it in my house. My kids may have sex before they're married. I don't want them doing it in my house.
I feel like this comes up all the time on this board, where OOT family is coming to visit, but want to dictate where they sleep/what they do/who they bring/etc., and the response is always, "If they want to do that, they need to get a hotel." My kids will always be welcome in my home, but if they want to insist on a sleeping arrangement I don't agree with, they can get a hotel. Because they're adults.
I get the point you're making, but in my experience, letting your kid sleep with his or her significant other in your house is not an indicator of whether or not they are having sex in your house. I've had sex in my parents' house as well as my in-laws' house many, many times, the vast majority occurring before we were allowed to sleep in the same room.