Jack is 4 and I still can't get him to play in a different room. But he is more than happy to drag his toys out and play by himself in the general area we are in.
Hmmm.... She won't play independently with me in the room. I set up her paint supplies in the kitchen while I cook but she won't paint unless I am sitting and actively painting with her . Same for reading or playing with blocks.........I think I'm doing something wrong.
i think painting on her own, at that age, is probably pretty boring. painting on a wall when you're not looking? fun. but alone at a table with some paper? yawnfest.
can you give her pots and pans and spoons you're not using so she can "cook" like you? my kid is 2.5 and nothing gets her more jazzed than "helping" or mimicing. i also talk with her a ton while i'm doing chores or other stuff and need her out of my face. like, i'll be making lunch but we're making animal sounds and naming all the kids in her class and talking about the differences between helicpoters and airplanes. so we're "together" but not together.
Jack is 4 and I still can't get him to play in a different room. But he is more than happy to drag his toys out and play by himself in the general area we are in.
Hmmm.... She won't play independently with me in the room. I set up her paint supplies in the kitchen while I cook but she won't paint unless I am sitting and actively painting with her . Same for reading or playing with blocks.........I think I'm doing something wrong.
It might not be a bad thing that she doesn't paint without you there. My 5 year old grabbed a balloon, painted it and popped in in a span of 5 minutes while I was emptying the dishwasher. I now have purple flecks a la the 80s on my ceiling and various other places I missed in the cleanup.
Jack is 4 and I still can't get him to play in a different room. But he is more than happy to drag his toys out and play by himself in the general area we are in.
Hmmm.... She won't play independently with me in the room. I set up her paint supplies in the kitchen while I cook but she won't paint unless I am sitting and actively painting with her . Same for reading or playing with blocks.........I think I'm doing something wrong.
Nah. My almost 2 year old is just like this. She's supposedly crazy independent at daycare, but at home she wants attention from mom and dad. I just try to keep talking with her so that I can get stuff done but it doesn't usually work, she'll physically take my hand and bring me to her books or something.
Jack is 4 and I still can't get him to play in a different room. But he is more than happy to drag his toys out and play by himself in the general area we are in.
Hmmm.... She won't play independently with me in the room. I set up her paint supplies in the kitchen while I cook but she won't paint unless I am sitting and actively painting with her . Same for reading or playing with blocks.........I think I'm doing something wrong.
How old is she? I think it can be a phase of sorts.
DD got used to eating snacks at daycare at their little table, so I have her table and chair in the living room and when we get home she eats a snack while watching Nick Jr. - that can help in getting her to settle down and not be clinging. Ofcourse there are plenty of times where she wants me to watch it with her and cuddle on the couch - which is really sweet but not when we are trying to get dinner on the table.
Only other thing that works is to let her go through my purse or destroy a roll of toilet paper. Or lately its my jewelry box.
I wonder if reverse psychology would help? Whenever I put stuff away, that's when she wants to get those toys out and play with them. Or get her to "clean up" her room herself?
Jack is 4 and I still can't get him to play in a different room. But he is more than happy to drag his toys out and play by himself in the general area we are in.
Hmmm.... She won't play independently with me in the room. I set up her paint supplies in the kitchen while I cook but she won't paint unless I am sitting and actively painting with her . Same for reading or playing with blocks.........I think I'm doing something wrong.
Maybe ask her to paint you a picture of something specific? Or if she likes blocks ask her to build you something by herself and surprise you with it. Part of it you can hype up by telling her now that she is becoming a big girl that she doesn't need your help.
So for me it's a juggling act. I want and encourage my boys to be able to play independently, to entertain themselves and each other, and they'll get an earful if "I'm bored" ever passes their lips. I'm not their tour guide of the playroom, the playground, or the backyard. But I also don't want to them to have memories of mom ALWAYS choosing to do dishes or play with the ipad over playing legos.
I SAH w/ my kids and I only play with them a little each day and they have to earn it by 1) being good, 2) letting me get other shit done and 3) by helping me pick up and do household chores. It's a treat. I don't particularly enjoy it all the time - I enjoy some things more than others. For example, I love building Legos with Jackson. We do that a lot. And we play board games and card games at night. Obviously, as he's gotten older, I find more I really enjoy with him. I don't love playing things like Transformers or with his Imaginext stuff. I'm glad he's into Legos now.
Jackson has always been a great independent player, but I swear having a sister, going to school and living in a 'hood with a bunch of other kids has ruined him. He's way more needy now than he was at 2. He was so good about playing independently when he was little.
Scarlett has a different personality than Jackson - she is way more high maintenance and has never developed the independent play skills he had. She does play by herself some, but not for long and is more demanding of me. I think part of that is because she has always had Jackson around. And I do enjoy playing with her more now compared to when she was younger... I can play dolls with her (not my favorite) or do puzzles and stuff. I think we're getting her a dollhouse for her birthday, which I could play with. Maybe it's time for Barbies!
Physical stuff is fun for me too - chasing, going on a walk, playing at the park, etc. It's nice now that Scarlett is a bit older b/c she can go off with Jackson at the park and I don't have to be all up on her. Jackson is really good about including her even if he is playing with older kids. I like to color, but I hate when the kids mess it up. Oh and we read a lot.
But if I'm being honest, I spend most of my day telling them to get lost and go out back (if it's nice) or go to their playroom and leave me alone.
Oh and I do agree it's a balancing act. I'm not much for housekeeping. I do my best and try to get stuff done, but it's not enjoyable. I enjoy building legos more. So I hope the kids will remember that I was usually willing to ditch the boring stuff and have fun with them. At the same time, I hope they know that I am their mother, not their playmate or their constant entertainment.
Post by cookiemdough on Aug 7, 2012 9:47:09 GMT -5
Are people really bothered by the non-parent play they experienced in their childhood? I guess I am having a hard time getting the regret, especially if your parents were involved with other aspects of your life. Ex. went to your games, recitals, school activities, etc.
I had a sibling to play with and we could run free willy nilly in the streets back in the olden days of yore.
DD is an only child and there is no running wild in the streets without parental supervision now.
Sometimes I have to remind myself to play with her. But other times when she is in playing with her barbies alone, I ask if I can play and the light in her eyes is so bright it makes my entire week.
They'll only be young for so long. My laundry can wait, we can get takeout sometimes, and TV is not going to be nearly as rewarding as that light in her eyes.
But yes, sometimes she is out of luck because I have shit to do too.
Are people really bothered by the non-parent play they experienced in their childhood? I guess I am having a hard time getting the regret, especially if your parents were involved with other aspects of your life. Ex. went to your games, recitals, school activities, etc.
It doesn't keep me up nights, but yea it bothered me.
I mean how hard is it to fake enjoying a card game or a board game with your kid occasionally? Even taking into consideration that my mom raised us by herself I can't see not being able to spare ten minutes to have a quick cup of tea or change a dolls diaper.
It sometimes felt like we weren't a priority, but now I know that my mom just isn't maternal sooo there is that
I play with my kids here and there but I refuse to be a primary source of entertainment, REFUSE!
Ugh and it does not get better when they are older. If I let them, p&p would stand at my elbows and watch everything I do while narrating and asking questions. The best example is when I was nearly falling out of my own chair cracking up at the compassion fail thread and they kept asking what was going on.
We go to the park, take walks, visit the library, even watch movies together. They help me cook, I smile and nod when they show me some shit they built, I might even let pete show me some nifty thing he did with his playstation. But play together? Meh, that rarely happens.
As much as I'd like to believe this is a †nurture†thing, my kids show me it's not. The girl requires constant entertainment and attention at 5. The boy, at two, is more than happy by himself, even if I'm around.
Also, siblings are great. It's been rough until about the last six months, but now they keep each other entertained a lot.
On that note, dogs are a source of non-mom entertainment not to be forgotten.
...my two just departed for the space under the back deck, where they dig and explore together while I work. Em... While I GBCN.
yeah Copz I think its about a middle ground. You obviously need quality time, but I'm not going to entertain my kid every waking moment, either. Thats not healthy for either of us. But I agree that quality time is important.
Right now she's playing play-do while I make lunch/check in on here.
I felt like I wasn't the priority either. At some point, you realize that you don't want to have to whine to your parent 15 times just to play a board game with you. You want them to want to play with you, and hey - maybe even initiate it once in a while! But it think those sort of things were more in the spotlight for me as a kid who only saw my dad even other weekend and all we had was quality time, not quantity. And obvs I was older - not 3 years old.
I enjoy board games. I can't wait until Scarlett can play.
And this is probably a parenting no no, but we LOVE playing Mario Kart on the Wii with Jackson. All of us play (well, except Sass) and it's a lot of fun. We used to do it more often, but haven't done it in awhile.
I enjoy board games. I can't wait until Scarlett can play.
And this is probably a parenting no no, but we LOVE playing Mario Kart on the Wii with Jackson. All of us play (well, except Sass) and it's a lot of fun. We used to do it more often, but haven't done it in awhile.
I say family time is family time.
We try to set aside every Friday as movie night. I think things like that are more meaningful than a random playtime together.
I enjoy board games. I can't wait until Scarlett can play.
And this is probably a parenting no no, but we LOVE playing Mario Kart on the Wii with Jackson. All of us play (well, except Sass) and it's a lot of fun. We used to do it more often, but haven't done it in awhile.
I say family time is family time.
We try to set aside every Friday as movie night. I think things like that are more meaningful than a random playtime together.
We have been trying to do that too now that Scarlett will watch movies. She's a little hit or miss right now, but it's only gotten better over the past few months.
The upside of the Mario Kart is that Jackson is pro at trash talk.
I enjoy board games. I can't wait until Scarlett can play.
And this is probably a parenting no no, but we LOVE playing Mario Kart on the Wii with Jackson. All of us play (well, except Sass) and it's a lot of fun. We used to do it more often, but haven't done it in awhile.
I say family time is family time.
We try to set aside every Friday as movie night. I think things like that are more meaningful than a random playtime together.
I think maybe this is a better way to say it. I just think about all the other things we do just the two of us or all together as a family and I can't imagine that he feels neglected for time or attention. We do play board games (but mostly because I like them also) and DH and DS play video games, but I just can't rearrange the Thomas track for the 100th time. Besides I kind of feel like if he will be more creative if I am not there doing it for him.
I am a little both. If he grabs a two player game I will sit with him and play. If he asks me to play puzzle, I will. Somtimes I initiate the first thought if I have some down time. We also cook, clean and do other things together.
Then there are times where he independently plays in his room or his playroom.
I personally don't see an issue with balance it out or just saying "I have shit to do". I think we all do, but 10 minutes can be really important to them. My mom didn't play with us. So I want Z to look back and say "my mom gave me 10 minutes of her busy day all the time".
Oh and we play chase or tag on the playground at times. Most of the times he plays really well by himself or with other kids. He is 2, so I still walk the edge or sit somewhere I can see everything. That is mostly because he is a daring kid with no fear.
Sure I'll play with my kid if no one else is around and they're bored but mostly I bring them there so they can play with other kids.
We just recently moved to a neighborhood with lots of kids. We were at the pool and there were tons of little boys and Ben kept getting out of the pool every two minutes to talk to me. I finally told him that I talk to him all damn day and he needs to go play water guns and leave me alone!
I refuse to have a whole other kid just for a playmate, that's what preschool is for -LOL!
DD @ 4yrs is really good at playing alone, but when she does ask I REFUSE to play imaginary games like house. I hate stuff like that. Daddy us good for it though so it works.
I'm definitely down for real games like Uno or puzzles or more complicated board games.
And I agree with shadowing her at the park. The whole point is for her to play with other kids. I shadowed when she was smaller but now that she can swing and stuff alone, I try to park my ass in a corner somewhere.
What I should do though is try to frequent the same parks so she can make friends there. I tend to switch it up too much because the other moms bore me.
Post by EloiseWeenie on Aug 7, 2012 11:19:48 GMT -5
I feel like living in a small house has helped my kids play independently. They play toys all day long, yet because I'm always 3-5 feet from them it fools them into thinking I'm playing too. I went into parenting with the attitude that I was not a side show, and so I've always done the supervised play (with books, painting, coloring, and things where I'm involved in between). I long for the day we can move into a bigger house and my living room won't look like toy box vomit. Then I can GBCN in quiet!
Yeah, I'm not great at the baby play time thing. It's boring. This is a source of much guilt.
Playmat and bouncy chair (see above post) for the win!!!
I make a point to read him 2-3 books a day. Which of course, takes all of 2 minutes. I make a point to do tummy time for a bit. And honestly, other than that, I talk to him about what going on with GBCN
OMG- my husband is SOOOO much better at playing with my kids- perhaps b/c they are boys... they play super hero all the time and he's like another kid with the imagination for it.
maybe if i had girls and was playing barbies i'd be better at it.
I'm good at doing art projects, reading with them, teaching them... i guess b/c i used to be a teacher.
I feel this is somewhat true. My son loves to play with legos and cars, and that's just not my cup of tea so he'll play with his dad or on his own. But my daughter breaks out the ponies and barbies, and I can sit there and do hair and put on pretty clothes and prance them around. We all color together, though, and that's a fun time.
re the OP - my mom was home all the time with me. She didn't play with me, but she was always there. My H and I both work FT, so my kids are with their care provider all day. I, personally, feel guilty if I come home and don't play with them after I haven't seen them all day. It's just different than it was for my mom.
Post by ladybug2002 on Aug 7, 2012 11:37:24 GMT -5
Legos, puzzles, games, coloring, etc... that I enjoy doing with DD. Imaginative play? No.
I don't remember my parents playing Barbies or house, etc, but they did games, cards and puzzles. My siblings are much older than me, so I entertained myself a lot or played with the neighborhood kids. I read A LOT as a kid, too.
My kid sits in his bouncy chair or under the playmat A LOT. A LOT. to be fair, I think he prefers those sometimes than me talking/playing with him.
Haha this is what we do most of the day. he hangs out in his pack and play too bc he has toys in there he likes. For a while I felt guilty that OMG I WASNT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THIS PRECIOUS TIME and then I realized he much preferred hanging out in the PnP than listening to me ramble at him all damn day. But like a pp said, its about balance.
I do want him to be able to play independently as he gets older but I also want him to have fun with his mommy :-)