I had to make a wierd choice today. I had to either defend myself as a woman or pretend I didn't care so I wouldn't feel singled out in the boys club I work for.
I ended up defending myself and it went well but I know it could have gone either way.
I hope whatever happens in the future what happened today will be accurately portrayed and it doesn't come back to bite me.
I found out the day after my dad's funeral that my godfather, dad's best friend, has esophageal cancer:( It's bad b/c he's needing chemo/radiation and then surgery. He's a pathologist, so I know he knows how bad it is:(
My dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer just before my son was born (about 18 months ago). He had his entire esophagus removed, but no chemo or radiation and he's now cancer free. Its my understanding that the outcomes with chemo/radiation are better than just surgery so I'm sending good vibes that your godfather quickly beats this!
My dad had heart surgery today. It seems to have gone well, but he still has a long recovery ahead of him and I am almost more worried about him now than I was before the surgery.
My dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer just before my son was born (about 18 months ago). He had his entire esophagus removed, but no chemo or radiation and he's now cancer free. Its my understanding that the outcomes with chemo/radiation are better than just surgery so I'm sending good vibes that your godfather quickly beats this!
I know it's in his lymph nodes already, so that's why he needs the chemo, I think.
ETA: Thanks, I hope your dad continues to do well.
I read a lot about this when my dad was first diagnosed, and they have come a really long way in their ability to treat this type of cancer and the outcomes in the past several years. The tough thing is that there aren't usually symptoms until later stages, but I think the fact that they are doing treatment and not palliative care is a good sign. Hugs.
Post by Alwaysabridesmaidf on Jan 26, 2015 21:02:22 GMT -5
Hugs to all. My dad's doctor sent him to the local cancer center for blood work because his white blood cell counties high. I am so terrified its cancer. He is such an amazing dad and new grandpa and I can't imagine him being sick or not with us.
My marriage is in a really bad place right now. We keep having the same fight over and over and dH promises to change and never does. Tonight we had a huge fight and my temper scared me. I am turning into someone I do not want to be but making the decision to leave is tough.
My ex is already talking to somebody. It stings, a lot. But I will move on.
My bosses friends grandchild ( did you get that?) figured out how to unlock the house door and went out at night ( she was only 3 or so) she got hit by a car and died. I don't even know any of these people but it's weighing on me heavy. I can't even think about it.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
While I wanted to post an update, I didn't want to make a whole new thread for it, so I'm putting it here.
I called my doc for my blood results today. There was some hcg in my system, but not enough to be "pregnant." I knew that would be the answer, but it feels weird now that it's final.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
It's my first night in the apartment since my boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up a couple weeks ago. I'd been staying with my mom who I love more than anything but at 65, she is alone, retired, has the TV on in the background, and plays bingo on her iPad all day. I am sitting here not thinking about being single and the loss of a relationship but about not wanting to end up like her. Makes me sad for her.
All this (waves arms around) makes mine seem so miniscule.
Xh's sentemcing was today and I am on pins and needles waiting to hear the outcome. It could potentially have a pretty big impact on dd and I'm already dreading having to give her bad news. It's really weighing on me and will until I hear the outcome.
Mine is that I'm a new teacher barely making my way with my established routine, always seeing great new opportunities to improve but having to finesse my schedule to fit in implementation on any of them. I try to come to real peace about where I am now and how much I can improve if I'm just patient with myself.
Today I got a bit of wrench thrown in. I'm nervous I won't be able to actually impart any science or assess anyone's learning accurately and that the whole school is going to chase me away with torches and pitchforks when they see how badly I relied on my own routine/can't adapt.
We have a broken elevator which makes it necessary for me to haul all my things up and down a floor multiple times a day - and plan to have everything I need. And predict what students will need to have with them....and maintain an environment of learning with a class that is all ready hand-holdy and that was SO hard to break of the habit "can I leave class to go....(insert inopportune excuse to have a bit of a private exchange with me followed by a tour of the hallways)".
Today was a fries-band-aid kind of day. I didn't cry but I probably will when I pull out my lesson stuff for tomorrow and try to fool proof it.
OK you go.
I can't really figure out from your post what happened, but is there any way the teachers here could help you? What do you think are your weaknesses?
Weighing heavily on me? Still, my boobs. I can't make myself schedule a meeting with a surgeon, but I know that I need to.
My BFF's mom is dying of cancer and I don't know how to help her. I've let her know I'm there for her, she can call any time day or night but I feel helpless.
I need someone to hold me. That sounds so needy and cheesy. But I do. The person who would always do that is dead, and I don't know how to ask some other person to let me cry on their shoulder.
I'm in this stage where I'm angry at everyone even though they haven't done anything to me. It's just, Why does everyone else get to go home to their husbands and their normal lives? My life will never be "normal" again. Why did this happen to him / me / my children?
I haven't slept in my bed since October 8th.
I am losing.it.
I am so, so sorry for your loss and can't even begin to imagine what you are going through.
I wish there was something more I could do for you. I know I don't "know" you, but I'm more than willing to be your "shoulder"
My ex is already talking to somebody. It stings, a lot. But I will move on.
My bosses friends grandchild ( did you get that?) figured out how to unlock the house door and went out at night ( she was only 3 or so) she got hit by a car and died. I don't even know any of these people but it's weighing on me heavy. I can't even think about it.
Oh, wow. How awful. That is something that will definitely stick with you. What a terrible freak accident. Prayers to the family.
I need someone to hold me. That sounds so needy and cheesy. But I do. The person who would always do that is dead, and I don't know how to ask some other person to let me cry on their shoulder.
I'm in this stage where I'm angry at everyone even though they haven't done anything to me. It's just, Why does everyone else get to go home to their husbands and their normal lives? My life will never be "normal" again. Why did this happen to him / me / my children?
I haven't slept in my bed since October 8th.
I am losing.it.
Do you have any close friends you can tell that you are losing it and need support? Can you call your therapist for an emergency appointment? Don't be afraid to ask for help - someone will give it.
Post by bernergirl on Jan 27, 2015 13:02:06 GMT -5
Zombie internet hugs to everyone...
Everything is weighing heavy on my mind lately. I feel like I'm failing everyone in my life, myself included. work, home, family, money, you name it, it's weighing on me.