share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
Jesus. One would have to be a really small, mean person inside to hand out that kind of sucker-punch to the people you supposedly love.
I'm so sorry, Sally. It has to be so exhausting and disheartening to be on the receiving end of those kind of comments on the regular. You deserve so much better. You are lovely inside and out, and it makes me to angry on your behalf that your mom has made you think anything less than that of yourself.
I'm sorry your mom said that.1. Dude you are not fat. And 1. you look like a freaking disney princess. Your mom is blind as a bat.
Personal story time - My mom is a wonderful person in a lot of ways but she has always told me I don't look good or I'm too fat or I'm not as pretty as specific girls in my class or my teeth are yellow or I'm too hairy.. the list goes on. I called her out (screamed at her) a few years ago but that didn't change shit because she said the same "I'm just being truthful".
Recently, when I had some control over my emotions, I spoke to her and asked her for a few things.
1. I told her how beauty is a perception and there is no "truth" about someone's appearance.
2. I also told her that my appearance is something out of my control and something that she and the partner she chose passed on to me, so it's on her.
3. I also told her that her "truth telling" in situations (in my case rubbing it in that I'm SAHW) causes more damage than help and if this is a rat race and I'm her rat, then I would do so much better with encouragement instead of shaming. Esp on issues I'm already sensitive about and need no reminding.
I don't know how much of this will help you but I encourage you to talk to your mom and ask her for support and a lot of tact. If you think she loves you, this is not a hard thing to do for her. Talking and frankly asking has helped me a lot. There are still moments where my mom slips up (she recently started saying how she hopes the baby has H's features but at least she realised that she was saying something really stupid) but her overall attitude is a lot better and easier for me to bear.
And it's ok to believe it when other people say that you are beautiful. Your mom is not the only judge in the world. ((hugs))
Post by Monica Geller on Feb 1, 2015 12:38:55 GMT -5
I'm so sorry that she's so messed up herself that she doesn't see how hurtful her words/actions/beliefs about beauty and image are. Don't listen to her and find some way of distancing yourself from her.
This is not right. It's not right, it's inaccurate, and it's downright cruel.
I don't care if she's funny or tells you she loves you or is the life of the party or totally stayed up with you all night to help with your 10th grade diorama project that one time. She's mean. She's small-minded and mean. That her meanness is likely caused by her own issues with weight and with, you know, apparently understanding NORMAL FUCKING HUMAN INTERACTION doesn't make it any less unkind.
She WORKS IN A HIGH SCHOOL, ffs, it's not like girls having issues with weight and with INCORRECT social perceptions of a) their weight; b) normal body image; or c) a woman's overall worth as TOO TIED TO WEIGHT AND LOOKS should be foreign concepts to her. Andplusalso, you're her CHILD. She's supposed to be kind to you.
Truth-telling is important for things like "in response to your question seeking my opinion about whether you should buy that car, I think it's a poor financial choice." Not "I have bought into the bullshit that thinnest = worthiest and therefor would like to tell you that I've noticed every ounce gained or lost in my presence and am going to regale you AND RANDOM PASSERBY, FFS with how I feel about how you're doing vis a vis my own fucked up internal perceptions of the universe."
I'm HEATED. My grandparents did this to me. They had other good qualities. They loved me. And they so fucked me up about food and body image it took years for me to get over it (over it enough not to let it consume me). FUCK THAT.
You very likely feel this way because your Mom had been saying this to you, and herself, your whole life. Her body issues are now your issues. Have you ever told her that she is hurting you and to keep this shit to herself?
I told her yesterday that she shouldn't say that and she said she was just telling the truth! If she isn't going to tell me who will?
The same crap that people said above.
That is just complete and utter bullshit.
I hope you replied "mom, you're being a real bitch. I mean, I'm just telling you the truth, and if I don't tell you, who will? I'm just being helpful!"
and eta - you are a beautiful person, inside and out. You deserve better than that, especially from your mother. ((((hugs))))
I'm absolutely appalled. And so very sorry. No mom should tear down their child like that. I don't get it. Hugs to you and hope you find a constructive way to communicate how she is hurting you and that she will listen and react.
I'm sorry, Sally. I would be so, so hurt to hear comments like that from my mom.
I didn't get to comment when you posted it, but that photo you posted the other day of you and your DD with the big white bow? I was like, wow, she is so pretty. You, I mean. And your daughter too, obv. lol. Please don't let your mom bring you down. That's on her, not you.
1. I told her how beauty is a perception and there is no "truth" about someone's appearance.
This is so true, and it is sad the number of people on here who have parents/husbands/friends who are so stuck in their own shit that they can't perceive the absolute beauty around them.
Because really, who can look at their own kid or wife and see so much ugliness? What they see is their own inner ugliness and it's a shame we can't just sew their mouths shut so they can't continue hurting lovely, beautiful people, conventionally attractive or otherwise.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you can someday realize that this is about HER and zero to do with you.
You are very beautiful and Mom's are supposed to be our biggest cheerleaders. Your story makes me sad because you come across so sweet and nice on here and this is just so weird that someone so close to you would say such mean spirited things that are clearly untrue.
PDQ - poof
So, just a little side note. You do not want your mom to say this things in front of your daughter, or worse TO your daughter. Please stop this cycle. Perhaps distance yourself and get into therapy. I can't stress enough how therapy changed my life.
That was super shitty of your mom to say to someone. Super shitty of her to not realize how hurtful that is and relay to you that she said such a thing. Shitty all around. You are beautiful. Don't listen to your mom.