Post by UnderProtest on Feb 5, 2015 10:49:48 GMT -5
So I have twin (boy/girl) three year olds who are in preschool 4 hours a day, 5 days a week. There was an incident the other day and I am trying to figure out if my reaction was abnormal or not. My daughter took a book from another boy and that boy then pinched her cheek. She bit her cheek and then cried. She was requested to apologize to the boy for taking the book. She refused and wouldn't talk so they brought my son into the situation in order to get her to apologize to the other kid. What do you think of this?
WTF Did they make the boy apologize for pinching her? It doesn't make sense for them to bring her brother into it at all. How does a 3 year old convince another 3 year old to apologize?
Post by electricmayhem on Feb 5, 2015 11:01:22 GMT -5
What? No. Sorry--I'm going to internalize here, but my sister and I are very close in age (although not twins) and we did a lot of things together from birth until we were in high school. People did crap like this to us ALL OF THE TIME, like we were interchangeable or something. I don't think you would be out of line to communicate to the school that this is unacceptable.
Edit: comp fail. I thought your post said they brought your son in to apologize for his sister. Whoops! But even on reread--no. That's not his job and should be handled by an adult. Just like they would do with any other kid who doesn't have a sibling in the room.
Post by dancingirl21 on Feb 5, 2015 11:20:42 GMT -5
No way. Your son was not involved. He should have been treated like any other kid in the class. They wouldn't have brought in a random kid to help so they shouldn't have done that with your son. I'd absolutely address it.
Post by UnderProtest on Feb 5, 2015 11:38:53 GMT -5
Okay, glad to see my opinion of the situation was on target. I really like the three teachers, but I am not a fan of the headmistress AT ALL. I think she is rude and mean to the kids and this situation just highlighted my distrust of her. Supposedly she has 13 years experience with preschool, but this incident doesn't show it. Why should a three year old be able to get her to do something that the teachers can't. I don't want my kids to be dependent on each other or responsible for each other's actions. My daughter is stubborn as hell and we often have 15 minutes of crying before she will use words to ask for what she wants, whereas my son will say the appropriate sentence right away (at home). She is shyer than her brother and won't talk when she doesn't know people. I also think she doesn't like the headmistress. She will not say good morning if the headmistress opens the door, but will say it to the other teachers.
So the next question is what I should do about it. I already mentioned to one of the teachers (that I really like) that I don't want my son brought into situations like that anymore. I am contemplating e-mailing the headmistress, e-mailing the headmistress and her boss (the head of the nursery program, it's a collection of several small locations of this school), and/or switching them to another location of the school for next term. While I feel like the third option is a bit extreme, this isn't the first or only reason I dislike the headmistress and most of their friends will be switching to other schools in the fall.
I'd email the headmistress and copy her boss telling them that while your son may be able to get her to speak, that you prefer it be done on her terms and not by utilizing her brother. Developmentally, she needs to do this on her own. Add in the part about being dependent on each other or responsible for each other's actions, especially since they won't always be together.
See what the response is and go from there. You have nothing to lose, especially if you're even slightly considering switching.
I wouldn't fight the fight over the apology piece, but bringing your son into it is something worth complaining about. If it's a first offense on the headmistress for that particular issue Id address it to her alone first. But if your gut says move them for other reasons then by all means follow it.
I wouldn't fight the fight over the apology piece, but bringing your son into it is something worth complaining about. If it's a first offense on the headmistress for that particular issue Id address it to her alone first. But if your gut says move them for other reasons then by all means follow it.
Oh, I completely agree that my daughter should have apologized. She stole a book from another kid, period. Although I do think it's funny that my son said that the boy stole the book from another kid (oh, and I completely believe my son, his tales are quite accurate and he can remember stuff from AGES ago, but that is beside the point).
The reason I am hesitant to try to switch them to another location is that I do really like the three teachers.
Love of my life baby boy born 11/11. One and done not by choice; 3 years of TTC yielded 4 MMC and 2 CPs, through 4 IUIs and 2 IVFs. Focusing on making the world a better place instead...and running.
Post by Ashley&Scott on Feb 5, 2015 12:16:25 GMT -5
I would email/call/talk to the headmistress & her boss first. If something like this happens again then maybe I would consider switching.
Do you have examples of when the head mistress is rude & mean to the kids? I wouldn't hesitate to bring these things up with her boss now. Give specific examples - tell her you feel that is inappropriate & needs to be remedied.
I would email/call/talk to the headmistress & her boss first. If something like this happens again then maybe I would consider switching.
Do you have examples of when the head mistress is rude & mean to the kids? I wouldn't hesitate to bring these things up with her boss now. Give specific examples - tell her you feel that is inappropriate & needs to be remedied.
The schools here (UK) are a bit odd so the only time I see anyone is drop off. But the kids (mine and some others) actively avoid her at the door. They will race to the door if the other teachers open the door (the kids have to shake the door openers hand and say good afternoon/morning), but if the headmistress answers, they hold back. My daughter won't look at her and refuses to talk to her at the door. I've seen her kind of pull my daughter along because my daughter won't look at her or speak. The tone she uses with the children definitely isn't as warm and friendly as one would hope.
I can't tell what part of it is her and what part is just a stuffy English school.
Post by Ashley&Scott on Feb 5, 2015 12:28:38 GMT -5
UnderProtest - I always forget you're in the UK. I would still raise my concerns with her boss but they may handle things differently there than they do here in the states.
UnderProtest - I always forget you're in the UK. I would still raise my concerns with her boss but they may handle things differently there than they do here in the states.
Yeah, that's part of what is making me question my reaction to the incident. I know they do things vastly different here. I really don't know how to go about getting things done here.
I would be pretty pissed. I know my trips are about the same age as your twins and no way would one of them be able to be the peace maker between a sibling and another kid at this age...well maybe my one daughter.
Just know that you will become 'that American' when you complain. I always found that me being outspoken and complaining in the UK brought eye rolls and comments of how American I was.
Totally uncalled for, by the way, and I would complain regardless.
I would complain, that's absurd. Who cares if they make snide remarks about you being American. This is your child and THEY handled a situation wrongly and they should be called out for it.
I would email/call/talk to the headmistress & her boss first. If something like this happens again then maybe I would consider switching.
Do you have examples of when the head mistress is rude & mean to the kids? I wouldn't hesitate to bring these things up with her boss now. Give specific examples - tell her you feel that is inappropriate & needs to be remedied.
This would be my course of action, as well. Sorry you're dealing with this. So bizarre she thought this was a good idea.
I would complain, that's absurd. Who cares if they make snide remarks about you being American. This is your child and THEY handled a situation wrongly and they should be called out for it.
If you read my post I said I would complain regardless
The schools here (UK) are a bit odd so the only time I see anyone is drop off. But the kids (mine and some others) actively avoid her at the door. They will race to the door if the other teachers open the door (the kids have to shake the door openers hand and say good afternoon/morning), but if the headmistress answers, they hold back. My daughter won't look at her and refuses to talk to her at the door. I've seen her kind of pull my daughter along because my daughter won't look at her or speak. The tone she uses with the children definitely isn't as warm and friendly as one would hope.
I can't tell what part of it is her and what part is just a stuffy English school.
My uncle was a uk primary school headmaster and i have several friends and family members who teach in UK schools, as well as knowing loads of kids who attend nurseries etc in the uk. That style of an unapproachable/cold headmistress has gone out of fashion and shouldn't be around anymore. She sounds like a cow.
I would be pretty pissed. I know my trips are about the same age as your twins and no way would one of them be able to be the peace maker between a sibling and another kid at this age...well maybe my one daughter.
My son generally is the more logical one. He understands consequences, whereas she is as stubborn as a mule (must get it from her father) if she doesn't want to do something. Although I don't like that he was brought into the situation, I'm impressed that he actually got her to apologize. I can't usually.
For the record, I'm okay with them telling her she needs to apologize to the other kid. I make my kids do it to each other.
Just know that you will become 'that American' when you complain. I always found that me being outspoken and complaining in the UK brought eye rolls and comments of how American I was.
Totally uncalled for, by the way, and I would complain regardless.
I think I'm actually the only parent who has NOT complained yet. And for what it's worth, the overall school has a LOT of Americans in it, although their particular location does not. Hell, there is even a PTA at the school (apparently a completely American concept).