Post by spankswife on Feb 24, 2015 15:30:59 GMT -5
luv2rn4fun It's hard. Sometimes babies just want their mommies. Maybe could DH help by doing other things (dishes/laundry) so at least you can rest when C is resting?
Do you have good night routine? DD like her bath at night, it help soothe her.
luv2rn4fun It's hard. Sometimes babies just want their mommies. Maybe could DH help by doing other things (dishes/laundry) so at least you can rest when C is resting?
Do you have good night routine? DD like her bath at night, it help soothe her.
Just trying to help. :::hugs:::
Thank you! I'll take any help at this point...willing to try anything.
DH does do a lot around the house, mostly outside, but he also is doing quite a bit of cleaning and sometimes grocery shopping. He does his own dishes and laundry...I do mine and C's. I also make sure we have dinner and he has a lunch. Honestly, C only rests when I walk with him so I'm not getting much rest during the day. DH refuses to wear the baby carrier (he'll go with me but not on his own...not helpful).
As for night time, we do baths every 3 days or so and he likes it while he's in it but then screams when he's wet. So I think it works him up even more. Our routine right now is that I feed around 5:30-6 and then DH has him. I come back around 6:45 (although earlier lately because he's been so inconsolible and I don't want him too worked up) and do diaper, swaddle, and then head upstairs to our dark bedroom with white noise.
jjwritergirl I hope you get to feeling better. MrsMB separate blankets are the best. We have always done that. luv2rn4fun so many hugs. There are so many parts of being a SAHM that are 1000xs of times harder then I thought they would be. I'm so sorry that you guys are having trouble. I'm around anytime if you want to talk.
My mom came out today to help me get caught up on housework and give me a chance to shower. She has been a life safer. My grandma even came out to hold G earlier. I know my grandma is getting older and not doing so well so I want her to get as much time with G as possible. It warms my heart to see them together. My grandma has a really special connection with G since G is named after her.
I'm so sorry luv2rn4fun. B's bedtime sounded a like like C's when she was that age. It was basically a nightmare and I started getting anxious and dreading it when it started getting dark because I knew bedtime was coming.
The only way we got through it was H taking a shift from 9-12 at night. I would feed around 8 and then H would try to put her to bed and deal with her until 12, when I was on duty for the rest of the night. I didn't ask my H for help. I told him exactly what I needed. "Here is the baby. She is fed and changed but there is pumped milk in the fridge if you need it. I am going to bed now and will take over at 12." Sometimes I only slept those 3 hours the whole night. What does your H say if you ask specifically for help? Even now when my baby cries at night, my H will lay there and wait for me to deal with it. But, if I specifically ask him to do something, he will do it. I can't tell him go in there. I have to say "please go in and rock her in the chair with her pacifier.". I know I told you before but things for us got a million times better when we did Sleep Sense just before 4 months. So many hugs, friend. I really hope your husband steps up soon.
((luv2rn4fun)) My advice is similar to Blue Moon's. Even when I was nursing, I still pumped extra for H to do a MOTN feeding. Sometimes H would sleep on the couch with DS in the RNP so I could get some sleep. When we're all in our room, I usually wake up before H because he can be a really heavy sleeper. I just gently nudge him and ask him if he can get the baby. I do make sure to ask and say please so he doesn't get pissy. Getting rest is really important for your physical and mental health right now. At 2 weeks I was doing everything and my supply drastically decreased from stress and lack of sleep.
When I first had W, DH came to me for everything. I remember him and my parents constantly waking me up when I was trying to nap to ask me questions about caring for him and if he was okay. DH really used me as a crutch because I was the NICU nurse. I finally told him that clueless first time parents take their babies home everyday and are able to figure it out. So figure it out. He learned how to do all of the care and gained the confidence to stop using me as a crutch. I sort of think your DH might benefit from staying with C for a night, letting you get some rest, and figuring out what works for him.
Honestly, MOTN isn't that bad right now. Once C is down he's sleepig a solid 5-5 1/2 hrs, feeds, usually has one more wakup but it seems that one might go away soon too. DH has refused to do any MOTN from day 1, mostly because he works but also I didn't start pumping until C was 5 wks old. As is I can't pump much at all or it drastically affects my supply (too much) and letdown (too fast) and then feeding C is a nightmare. The LC actually advised me to not pump for right now. I have about 80 oz stored and want to use those for things like date night and other events I have in the upcoming months. My big complaint is getting C to nap and bedtime and having more breaks during the weekend so I can do something for myself instead of my entire life revolving aroud C (or do chores, etc). I do believe DH uses me as a crutch...I've had to figure it out while he's at work and he really hasn't had more than 1.5 hrs alone with him. I have a bridal shower march 29th where he'll have him much longer...can't wait because that will be so good for him and C.
Anyways, he came home and still isn't talking to me (shouldn't it be the other way around!)...he was engaged with C and was there to take him at the scheduled time (although C swtiched it up and I was feeding...and I decided to try later bedtime to avoid the 4 hr drill from the past couple nights, which cut bedtime down to just under 2 hrs) though so that's a step in the right direction.
I also called my OB to follow up on our conversation 6 wks ago about PPD. We had agreed that it was a matter of getting more help so I could have breaks and not PPD. I want to talk to her again and make sure nothing else is going on (I still think this is the case have told DH that I will go insane if this keeps up, it's not sustainable- I really don't know how I've lasted this long).
MrsMB we did separate blankets for a little while until H said it made him feel like we were not connected....lol. Luckily I am the blanket hog not him so if he wants to deal w that fine!
luv2rn4fun ((hugs)). What would happen if you left C w your H to do something? When DS was so fussy I had to just leave him with my H to get a break. I would go to a part of the house where I couldn't hear him so I could get a break.
A later bedtime really may help. It wasn't until DS was 4/5 months that an early bed time worked. Trying to get him to bed before he was ready was a nightmare. I just started doing quiet time for both of us starting around the time I wanted him to go to bed and gradually he got the message.
melsamoony- C's super fussy time starts around 6. DH has him at this time and I shower, eat dinner, get our stuff ready for bed. C was getting super fussy and DH wasn't able to soothe him for days so it slowly morphed to me starting C's bedtime at 6:30 to avoid him screaming for 45 min before bed and being even more difficult to put to sleep.
As I said above, my main complaint is that I do all naps/bedtime (bedtime is fine when it doesn't take 4 hours, I get that I should be the one to put him to sleep since I'm nursing him, etc) and am not getting nearly enough of a break on the weekends. There are days when I have C until 1-2 pm or like Sunday where I didn't have a break all day. To me, it feels like DH's life hasn't really changed and he just continues to do what he thinks he needs to do without any thought of C's schedule or helping me out (in this respect he's doing chores/outside stuff so not like he's goofing off...but some of the stuff doesn't have to be done right now. DH is very Type A and thinks our house is supposed to look emaculate with a 9 wk old). I have told him I feel like we need an agreed on schedule where he has C at certain times (on the weekend) and we have yet to agree on it. Also, when DH has him he doesn't put him down for naps (except the one time I was gone during the day...nice how he can do it when he wants time to himself)...he'll hold him and then put him in the bouncer or on the playmat and then I have to deal with the nap on the next feed cycle. This means I'm the only one walking miles and miles with our kid because it's the only way he gets a decent nap. DH has offered to go with, which is nice...but what would be really nice is him taking C so I could have some peace and quiet. I came home two Sat ago from walking C and found him napping...let's just say I kinda wanted to kick him in the balls- I was livid...must be nice! My mom even commented on how much DH has not adapted and that he has no concept of what it's like to have a baby (I was 10 minutes late for our date because we got to my mom's late, I had to feed C, and I needed a quick shower because my walk/nap for C got me a little stinky and DH was frustrated and being impatient).
I do like your idea of just doing quiet time around 7 and starting bedtime later. I did bedtime 30 minutes later last night and it took 1:45 to have him in his RNP. Maybe I should just feed him in his room at 7 and then read books, rock, sing, etc and then feed again around 8-8:30 for bedtime. Ideally, bedtime will be 7 since we go to bed by 8-9 most nights.
Aw luv2rn4fun I am so sorry. A third party may be a good idea!
I agree w you...H should not be able to refuse to do certain things he is capable of doing for his child ie walk him for naps! You need naptime/you time too you can be in charge of C 24/7 it just isn't fair/sustainable.
melsamoony- Things are still not good. We're not talking at all, outside of him wanting an update after C's appointment this morning. Uh, nope...sorry buddy...if you won't talk to me then I'm definitely not going to give you what you want. This is just bs and I'm sick of it. So on top of having to deal with C's appt and shots I get to spend another day with DH and I fighting again.
Post by melsamoony on Feb 25, 2015 10:08:32 GMT -5
Aw luv2rn4fun I am so sorry. Is he willing to see someone to talk about it?
What time is C's appt? Get yourself in some comfy clothes after C's appt, feed him frequently, do tons of skin to skin, and have Tylenol on hand. The baby carrier worked well for us after 2 mos shots.
Post by luv2rn4fun on Feb 25, 2015 10:16:01 GMT -5
melsamoony- I don't know if he'll talk to anyone...highly doubtful but who knows.
C's appt is at 9...so yay- all day of fussiness! I forgot about Tylenol so thank you for the reminder...we will go by Walmart on the way home. I'm honestly terrified of how today is going to go (and sad because I don't want to see C in any pain). Oh, and of course I'm a crying mess so I feel awesome about having to go to this appointment...