For those with an SO

[Deleted]

Do you ever feel like a total drag and like your SO might leave when he gets fed up enough? I was in so much pain last night, and it's really stressing my H out seeing me like that. Sometimes I feel like I'd do him a favor if I left.  I know he loves me, but I do think everyone has a limit.

I don't have a support network - my mom is the opposite of helpful, MIL a blabbermouth, sister doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself. I have no friends and am in no position to go out and try to make some. The doctor has been of little help. My H is pretty much my only support system, and I know it's not fair that he has to been the one I vent to. I try to hide it, try to pretend I'm happy, try to cry when he's not there. But I just feel like, one of these days it will be too much, and he will be done with me for good.

He reminisces about times when I was healthier. I don't know if or when I'll feel better. I have nothing to look forward to. I want to be cheerful and happy for him, but sometimes I just can't work up the effort. His patience is starting to wear thin and he snaps at me sometimes in his frustration because he feels like he can't do anything to help.

I'm so depressed, my sex drive is nonexistent. It used to be high. I'm filled with so much guilt. I know I look exhausted and frankly, pretty shitty. How do you deal with this?

[keyslover]

I am a SO/caregiver. Yep, I have my breaking point, but it leads to a pity party and a breakdown. As a SO, I need a good support system, especially because we have 2 small kids. I am lucky, I can lean on my family.

DH has been very depressed at times and thinks my life would be easier without him around. I disagree. There are challenges, but I love him and want him around for a long time.

He really just has me as a support, he has been seeing a therapist and I think that has helped. I think it has allowed him to open up to me more and feel comfortable doing so.

We try to not focus on the past, it is hard though. We look forward. I try to look at the things we can do and not the things we cannot.

It is difficult to see someone you love hurting and not being able to do anything about it. I distinctly recall DH saying after I had DD1, the he didn't want another baby if it meant seeing me in that much pain. He felt helpless.

Have you gone to therapy? Maybe you need an outlet. Support groups can be helpful too. Have a heart to heart with him, talk about the things that bother you and how you feel.

[panicked]

I do. There are days when I have zero energy and I feel like I don't give him enough attention. He's always there for me, but the constant doctors appointments, diet changes, medications, and symptoms take their toll on both of us.

[katespade]

This is a huge stress point for me. I was already sick when we started dating so he knew what he was getting into when he made a lifelong commitment to me, but sometimes it's really hard to shake the thought of wondering if he will ever reach his breaking point. He gives me so much all the time and I feel like I don't give him anything back. I just wish I could be better for him.

[Deleted]

Thank you for your replies. keyslover I appreciate your perspective as the partner in the care-giving role.  I know a big source of stress for my H is the frustration he feels at being unable to help.  I haven't pursued therapy for this but am strongly considering it. panicked and katespade I hope things get easier for both of you.  That nagging fear that eventually it might be too much for him causes me a lot of anxiety.  Sometimes I feel like he gives me more than I give him, but he doesn't seem to feel that way, so I think my guilt over that is irrational.  I also believe relationships have "seasons," where sometimes one gives more, and later on the other gives more. 

[puggaho]

I am worried about this myself for future relationships. I don't have any (serious) physical conditions but have pretty severe depression and anxiety and worry if anyone will ever be willing to put up with it. I'm glad you guys seem to have found people that love you and don't mind dealing with extra issues, it gives me a little ray of hope for myself :] Have you expressed this concern of being too much of a hassle to your husbands? I bet they wouldn't want you to feel that way.