if your parents/inlaws live close by

[kdogg]

How often do they see or visit your kids?

My parents live 5 minutes away and take DS every week for a few hours. My inlaws also live 5 minutes away and will go weeks without seeing him. It annoys us because their commutes run pretty much by us and I don't see why they can't at least stop by for 10-15 min.


ETA inlaws used to see him weekly, the older he gets they see him less and less.

[winemaker06]

Not that close but we are 30 mins away from our families. It has been frustrating for me lately because we get lots of 'We don't get to see the baby enough' comments but my in-laws Never invite us over or ask to do anything. They just make the comments and it's up to us to make plans with them. We see family about once a month, not always both sides that often. A lot more with birthdays and summer holidays in April-July though.

I think once every couple of weeks would be nice, so DS gets to know his grandparents. But not if we have to make all of the effort all the time. It's exhausting and we do things with friends as well.

[noodleskooze]

My mom and my in-laws see DS once a week--mom comes here for dinner one night, and my ILs watch DS on Wednesdays. My dad and stepmom probably see DS at least twice a month.

[jackie011]

Within walking distance and I'd say 5 out of 7 days a week. They watch DS 2 days a week and usually stop by a few other times. MIL is really good at saying "you all need family time, too, so just let us know." Frankly, it's been a change, considering DH & I lived on our own for over 10 years before his parents moved here. It's been a transition, but it's also very nice to have them close by and ready to help anytime it gets too crazy!

I do think as DS (and future children) get older, we will work out more of a schedule.

[ssmjlm]

Sister lived 10mins away and sees E weekly.

FIL lives 10mins away and sees E probably every other month.

MIL and her husband are about 45mins away and see her 1x a month average.

On the flip side my parents live 3.5 hours away and rarely go more than 3 weeks without visiting.

[mae141]

My parents live 20 minutes away and see DD at least once a week. Usually I bring her to their house, but if not they they come visit here. My ma and I did weekly shopping trips before DD came along anyway though.

ILs live a little farther, more like 35 minutes, but they only see her maybe once or twice a month. They go visit SIL, who lives down the street, at least once a week. They go to their cabin in the mountains often, and get annoyed that we don't want to drive 2+ hours to bring DD there. They don't invite us to weekly Sunday dinners anymore because we have to leave by 6:30 or 7 to get DD home for bed and they don't like to eat that early. We have suggested lunch. MIL doesn't like it when we come over earlier in the day- she complains the whole time that it's too early to have a drink. Then they complain that they don't get to see her and we obviously don't love them enough. Needless to say, they are BEC for me.

[bk1]

So far, MIL sees her 1-2 a week and my mom has been helping me so 4-5 times a week. FIL will probably see her once a month.

We are 15 minutes from in laws and my mom.

[sillygoosegirl]

My mom, probably 1-2x per week. My dad, maybe once every week or two. My mom is retired and I'm working part time, so she visits a lot during working hours. I hope we see more of my dad after he retires in April, though I think they intend to spend a lot of time traveling, so I'm sure it will come in spurts.

[Velar Fricative]

We are 30 minutes from the ILs and 1 hour from my mom. Plus most of our siblings are within an hour from us. We aim to see everyone at least once a month.

ETA: no one is retired and some family work weekends so getting together more often is tricky.

[osulori]

My parents are roughly 20 mins away, we see them at least once a week sometimes more. FIL and SMIL are also 20 mins away (they live near my parents actually) but we see them every couple of months. It's annoying.

[AllieHound]

My parents are 10 min away and see DS a few times a week as my sister watches him for us a few days a week and still lives at home. When H works nights (every 3rd night) we usually hang out there til it's almost DS' s bedtime.

My IL's are 20 min away and we try to see the once a week. Sometimes it's hard with work schedules and the fact that they don't initiate much (but definitely notice when it's been "too long") but we do our best.

[sewf]

My mom is 15 minutes away, and she's here 4 days a week because she watches DS.

My in-laws are 8ish hours away, but we see them about 4x a year, plus facetime.

[ilikedonuts]

We see my mom almost every day at least 5 days a week. I SAHM and she's 1.9 miles away. We used to see my ILs every 1-2 months but now its a couple times a month bc they've been last minute baby sitting for us. They are 15-20 minutes away.

[GotWine]

Inlaws are both retired so we see them a few times a week. They live 15 mins away and watch the kids whenever we need them. If I don't need them to watch the kids at all during the week they come to my house to play with the kids for a few hours while I get house stuff done. Unless we are traveling they haven't let a week go by since DD was born without seeing the kids.

My mom lives 2 doors down but still works. She usually comes over Sunday to see DS for a bit, then brings DD back to her house for a few hours. Even though she lives so close we don't see her as often as the inlaws.

My dad still works and lives 15 mins away. We see him like once a month for a few hours. He is not as family oriented as the rest of us. I'm a tad bitter about his lack of interest in my kids.

[antoniamarchette]

My mom is about 45 minutes away and she sees him probably 1-2 times a month. More when the weather is nicer.

My in laws are about 30 minutes and see him every few months. My h isn't super close with them.

[sent]

My parents live 1 hour away and my mom has been SAH since I was born. DD and I go and stay with them Mon - Thurs so grandma can babysit her and I can work late. Last year when they lived in a small townhouse and DD was a teeny tiny, my mom would come and stay with us but that made all of us uncomfortable and tense so this way is much better.

[anaps28]

For the first 2 yrs of DS1's life we lived 1.5 hrs away from my in laws and my MIL watched him 1 day a week for us. She would drive up early in the AM and then sleep over my SILs and watch her kids the next day.
My parents lived 30 min away and my mom watched DS1 twice a week.

[Deleted]

My parents used to live 10 minutes away, we saw them 2x a week. My dad is retired so we had lunch with him regularly. My mom often ran errands or went to the park with us. It was great! I have a great relationship with my parents.

They very recently moved 30 minutes away. Mostly highway driving which is kinda scary, especially at night with all the semi-trucks. Now we see them every 7-10 days. I miss them I wish they hadn't moved. Their new town is also smaller and less walkable, which sucks.

[kermit]

SO's parents are 15 minutes away and see her about once every 2-3 weeks. Usually they'll just stop by for an hour or so on a weekday evening. They say they want to see her more but don't usually make the effort. His dad stopped by unannounced yesterday and woke DD up from a nap. I told him they could take her this afternoon but I haven't heard anything so I'm guessing they have other plans.

[cherry1111]

Parents and inlaws live about 20 mins away. My parents make an effort to see DS if they realize they haven't seen him for a bit. In-laws do not.

[pugz]

my parents are about 30-40 minutes away and we strive for once a month but we are both busy. My dad still works and my mom is disabled and can't drive so we usually go to visit them since their house is accessible. They are coming here today though and next weekend we are going to go stay the night so they can have more time with DD and we can go out on a date.

I hope to spend more time with them when my dad retires.

[auntie]

My parents used to be 15 minutes away. They saw DS a couple times a month before they retired and moved. They had him overnight a couple times so DH and I could travel- 2 vacations and 2 funerals in 7 years. In contrast, they had my nieces every weekend when they were younger (before they retired/moved) and took them on vacation yearly.

[SJ]

My parents are about 30 minutes away. My mom sees her at least once a week, and my dad at least every 2 weeks (because sometimes my mom comes here without him)

Sometimes they take her overnight at our place (if we are gone) or at theirs- probably twice a month?

If I know they haven't seen her during the week, I will try to arrange something on Saturday or Sunday.

I wish they were even closer.

[ladygrey]

My parents live 10 minutes away and see DD all the time. My mom takes her two afternoons a week; we have Sunday dinner with them frequently; and they also babysit for us whenever we want to go out.

In contrast, my ILs don't live that far away (30 minutes), but we hardly ever see them.

[gibbinator]

My in laws have us over every Sunday for dinner, they live 20 mins away.
My mom lives 45 mins away and drive up to see us weekly.
My dad also lives 45 mins away and we only see him a couple times a year

[JayhawkGirl]

All are within 15 min of us

My parents: together, weekly if not more. My dad recently retired and comes by solo during the day about weekly. He was here for two and a half weeks straight when I had bronchitis/pneumonia/sinus infection and DD had the pukes. His help was invaluable. We meet my mom solo for lunch near her work about every two weeks.

MIL: monthly maybe. She never reaches out or invites us over, but lays it on thick that she hasn't seen the kids in ages. I used to invite her along often, especially in the months following FIL's death. My own mental health really took a toll so DH is in charge of making plans with her when he is here. I had become her punching bag then she'd tell DH she was fine. It doesn't happen often but not being with her on my own has made everything much more palatable. She offers to babysit and while I would love to take her up on it, the last time she forgot to feed the kids (11-4) and while we were all together before that, that she gave my EBF, still dairy free 9 month old a Shirley temple with whipped cream. I don't trust her judgement and DH has not disagreed.

[kdogg]

Sounds like most in-laws could step up their game. Having a son I will keep that in mind for the future!

In regards to asking them, I could for sure ask more. I know half the problem is my expectations and the fact that I have them. lol

[Deleted]

My inlaws live in my backyard and they see the kids about every other day-ish. Every day now that's it's nice out. MIL always opens the window to chat with the kids etc. if they're outside. She'll come play too/walk out to see what's new. DD wanders in and out of their house a few times a week to play for a half hour or so/have a snack. Same with FIL. He doesn't really "play" with them but he'll chat or they'll follow him around the barn. She watches DS for me once a week while I take DD to ECFE classes or swim lessons. She takes them both for the day/long afternoon every other week or so. 

She's pretty great. We have our differences but she does mean well and she LOVES my kids so I shut up about it.  

My parents are two hours away and we seem them probably twice a month in some way shape or form.

[turtlegirl]

Both sets of parents live 15 mins away. They are our childcare. My mom watches the kids 2-3 days a week and MIL does 1 day a week.

We see my parents outside of childcare at least once a week. And my IL's probably once every two weeks. My IL's take the kids overnight once a month.

My dad lives 3 hours away and sees the kids once a month or every 6 weeks. He's going to retire about a year and plans to move closer, probably within 30 mins.

[ECB]

Mar 15, 2015 9:22:51 GMT -5 kdogg said:

Sounds like most in-laws could step up their game. Having a son I will keep that in mind for the future!

In regards to asking them, I could for sure ask more. I know half the problem is my expectations and the fact that I have them. lol

So, a few thoughts on this.

You even admit it- some of this is about YOUR expectations.  And as you say "most in-laws could step up their game".  I think for anyone who is upset about their ILs involvement or lack thereof need to actually look at their own behavior and expectations of their ILs.  MANY women seem to have one set of expectations for their own parents vs their ILs.  And I feel that this puts the ILs at a really unfair disadvantage (and trust me, I'm guilty of this myself).  

Beyond that, beyond the "IL" issue - some of this is also about realizing that our having kids isn't going to make our parents - any of them - into the ideal grandparents.  They are who they are.  And some simply aren't going to have a super big interest in their grandkids.  Does it suck?  Sure.  But it's not our place to dictate how our parents must feel or must be involved w/ their grandkids.