Do none of these people have functioning partners? Yes, I see no difference between a meal train for a first kid or a third, but i always wonder -- where the hell is the other adult in this situation (assuming one is around)?
Well, my husband had just started a new job 3 months before the twins were born and hadn't earned much PTO. He was back at work when the boys were less than a week old. It was nice to have meals taken care of for a couple of weeks so he could focus on other chores and DD when he got home. I seriously parked my butt on the couch and nursed babies all day in the beginning. He took care of everything else, including cooking on days we didn't have meals provided.
No one is saying it's necessary, but it is certainly helpful.
Oh, I agree. I mean, it was nice when people brought food! But I totally have a bias against the trains -- kind of like the mad dash for freezer meals. Ladies aren't the only people who can make a five minute meal!
What's a mad dash?
OMG I'm due in two weeks and I need to make my frezzer meals.
Chillax. No one is going to starve provided your partner is a functioning adult.
Do none of these people have functioning partners? Yes, I see no difference between a meal train for a first kid or a third, but i always wonder -- where the hell is the other adult in this situation (assuming one is around)?
I don't think it's about the inability of the partner to make the meals. When I was on bed rest with Ava we had meals like daily- H is totally able bodied and a pretty good cook to boot, but it was one less thing to worry about since I was basically incapacitated and he had 100% of everything on his shoulders.
I know everyone has a special snowflake story, I get it. But I've got to believe this idea started because people had husbands who didn't cook.
Oh for sure. Meal trains have been around for decades. Now it's more of just a nice gesture. I really don't think it has anything to do with people being unable to cook.
When I'm visiting a new mom I like to bring snacks, especially easy to access snacks for mom who have toddlers/older kids. A little basket of granola bars, fruit, etc was a lifesaver for me when DD was a newborn.
I just commented on the other thread, but to reiterate it was just nice and one less thing to worry about for a few nights when my H went back to work. He cooked every other meal for the first month so it had zero to do w/ abilities or willingness.
I don't see why it's a big deal to take someone up on a kind offer. I'm one of the first people to say when partner needs to grow up & pull their weight, this just has nothing to do with it.
I'm really scratching my head as to why this would be a bad thing.
Sure, maybe it started in the 50s or 60s I have no idea. But growing up in a large church - it was normal to bring food to families for anything - new baby, someone died, parent has an illness, etc. etc. And this was 80s/90s when I assume most men were cooking more. My dad cooked most meals, but when my mom had breast cancer we had a few meals bought to us. It's a way to show someone cares, that's it.
I just commented on the other thread, but to reiterate it was just nice and one less thing to worry about for a few nights when my H went back to work. He cooked every other meal for the first month so it had zero to do w/ abilities or willingness.
I don't see why it's a big deal to take someone up on a kind offer. I'm one of the first people to say when partner needs to grow up & pull their weight, this just has nothing to do with it.
I'm really scratching my head as to why this would be a bad thing.
It's not bad -- I just think the concept behind it is sort of sad. Sure, some people don't think this way -- but I'm betting a hell of a lot more do.
Hell, the MOMS group I joined in the city specifically stated they didn't do night time ladies events because it wasn't fair to moms whose husbands wouldn't watch the kids. Like, that was in actual writing.
I just commented on the other thread, but to reiterate it was just nice and one less thing to worry about for a few nights when my H went back to work. He cooked every other meal for the first month so it had zero to do w/ abilities or willingness.
I don't see why it's a big deal to take someone up on a kind offer. I'm one of the first people to say when partner needs to grow up & pull their weight, this just has nothing to do with it.
I'm really scratching my head as to why this would be a bad thing.
It's not bad -- I just think the concept behind it is sort of sad. Sure, some people don't think this way -- but I'm betting a hell of a lot more do.
Hell, the MOMS group I joined in the city specifically stated they didn't do night time ladies events because it wasn't fair to moms whose husbands wouldn't watch the kids. Like, that was in actual writing.
OMG, that is ridiculous. I'm actually surprised that would happen in a city group vs. farther out suburbs.
I don't even love the MOPS group I'm in and probably won't even join next year - you may be right that some of them look at it that way. Based on some other "oh you know my husband is my 4th kid," comments. That's one of my annoyances, aside from timing/location, I can't identify w/ the "woe is me, I'm home all day w/ the kids" crap. And they want me to fundraise, nope.
But, at least some of us are normal and just look at it as doing a mitzvah for someone. I guess I'm not worried about how it started or what some people think, just an easy way to help someone.
Post by mamaalysson on Mar 19, 2015 11:21:22 GMT -5
I love freezer meals. LOVE them. They save my sanity. Should this be in the UO? I try to have 8-10 ready-to-go meals in the freezer at all times. I know what works well, and I usually just double up when I'm cooking a particular meal for dinner anyway. One gets prepped for the freezer, one gets cooked.
And I don't get how a meal train = unhelpful spouse. DH is awesome, and has been awesome both times we've had tiny humans. But when he was on paternity leave, we were both busy parenting and just loving on our new baby...not having to worry about dinner was fantastic. And then three weeks later, he was back to work - long hours, busy days. Again, if someone else was offering to provide food, I was not about to say no.
Do none of these people have functioning partners? Yes, I see no difference between a meal train for a first kid or a third, but i always wonder -- where the hell is the other adult in this situation (assuming one is around)?
Well we didnt actually have a formal "meal train". I declined because my parents are so close and there were 3 other babies born with in a month of W in the moms club, and none of them have fam close by. BUT, my h, who is perfectly capable of making dinner was able to spend time with G and N so they didn't feel left out. And go to target for me to get maxi pads and stool aoftener.
I love meal trains! For new babies or any family that needs a helping hand. It's so easy to do if you are already cooking dinner, and I remember what a huge relief it was to not have to worry about dinner when you are already stressed and so, so tired. We actually just set one up for our neighbors whose daughter is in the hospital, and it looks like they are covered for the next month. In our community, friends are quick to set one up for a friends who may need it, but I would not waste a side eye on someone setting one up for themselves. I like how thecheshirekat put it.
You know who gets my side eye this morning? The chick in my local FB group who set up a GoFundMe to raise funds so that she can buy the stuff she wants for her baby due in May. She is now arguing with everyone who responds with ideas for places to look for help on used or free items.
It's not bad -- I just think the concept behind it is sort of sad. Sure, some people don't think this way -- but I'm betting a hell of a lot more do.
Hell, the MOMS group I joined in the city specifically stated they didn't do night time ladies events because it wasn't fair to moms whose husbands wouldn't watch the kids. Like, that was in actual writing.
So when did they do events? Just GTG during the days with the kids? No moms who work during the day could come? I don't understand this.
It's not bad -- I just think the concept behind it is sort of sad. Sure, some people don't think this way -- but I'm betting a hell of a lot more do.
Hell, the MOMS group I joined in the city specifically stated they didn't do night time ladies events because it wasn't fair to moms whose husbands wouldn't watch the kids. Like, that was in actual writing.
So when did they do events? Just GTG during the days with the kids? No moms who work during the day could come? I don't understand this.
YES! I seriously never even went to anything -- once I had joined and had access to the calendar and the guidelines I was like "These are not my people."
It's not bad -- I just think the concept behind it is sort of sad. Sure, some people don't think this way -- but I'm betting a hell of a lot more do.
Hell, the MOMS group I joined in the city specifically stated they didn't do night time ladies events because it wasn't fair to moms whose husbands wouldn't watch the kids. Like, that was in actual writing.
So when did they do events? Just GTG during the days with the kids? No moms who work during the day could come? I don't understand this.
If this was a branch of the official MOMS Club you're referring to, it's governed by an international organization and it specifically exists to support stay at home moms, and all of that stuff is written into the bylaws. The no evening/weekend policy is so that the club activities don't cut into "family time," though, not because it's not fair to women whose husbands suck.
Post by iheartthe80s on Mar 19, 2015 16:00:36 GMT -5
I totally posted and ran. Sorry.
The person was just surprised that there was a need. And yes, I did do a casserole but it's always a hit. No cheese involved! Rhodes rolls and salad. Pretty simple. They were very appreciative and I felt like I helped.
Nothing to add since thecheshirekat said what I was thinking.
But seriously, all you casserole haters, feel free to drop off any unwanted pans of noodley goodness at my house. Anything I don't have to cook is always welcome and amazing lol.
I never heard of meal trains until you guys. We had some cookies and enchiladas made for us by some friends but we pretty much winged it with easy meals and take out when DS was born and it was fine. But heck yes I would have loved some prepared stuff. Makes me want to do this going forward.
Post by andrewsgal on Mar 19, 2015 16:55:26 GMT -5
I think I just realized o turn down meals because I don't want to eat food other people cook. I am fine with restaurants but I am not even a fan of dinner parties. Seriously after shit I have seen on here is had become worse. Remember when holy fed fruit fly cupcakes to her sister.
I think I just realized o turn down meals because I don't want to eat food other people cook. I am fine with restaurants but I am not even a fan of dinner parties. Seriously after shit I have seen on here is had become worse. Remember when holy fed fruit fly cupcakes to her sister.
LOL and had a hamper full of dirty underwear for months? I wonder what happened to her...
I think I just realized o turn down meals because I don't want to eat food other people cook. I am fine with restaurants but I am not even a fan of dinner parties. Seriously after shit I have seen on here is had become worse. Remember when holy fed fruit fly cupcakes to her sister.
LOL and had a hamper full of dirty underwear for months? I wonder what happened to her...
Post by Kcthepouchh8r on Mar 19, 2015 18:17:03 GMT -5
So I got pregnant like five minutes after I popped out my first and I can't imagine people doing this. It's a sweet gesture and I certainly wouldn't judge someone wanting and/or needing dinner delivered...but no. I preferred dh cooking what I was in the mood for. I'm not even squeamish over other peoples cooking but I'd get bored of casseroles quick. They're not my favorite.
Post by fancynewbeesly on Mar 19, 2015 21:04:33 GMT -5
When Reese was born, we didn't have real meals brought to us--besides my mom and MIL.
However, last January when we got out of the hospital---we probably went a full month without having to cook dinner. It seriously made me cry how much help we had. I would get a text from a cousin/family member/friend; saying that they were ordering dinner for us. Or bringing it over. They took Reese's allergies into consideration. Yes, we probably could have made food--and we did make a lot, but it was one less thing off our list. (And saved our food bills, because when Reese was in the midst of the 29 days of steroids---she was eating a FULL pizza pie a day. HERSELF. We were ordering a pizza a day just for a two year old)
My family is Jewish though and for as long as can remember--you ALWAYS brought food to someone's house for a new baby, sickness, etc--it was just what we did.
I made freezer meals before M was born and it was AWESOME> My husband is perfectly capable, but it was really, really nice to throw something in the crockpot in the morning and be done with dinner for a few weeks. Amy can mock me all she wants, but those freezer meals were a: fun to make (i had a group of friends we made them together) and b: saved us from eating a lot of Panera that first month
Could we have survived without them? Absolutely. But they were sure nice to have.
I made freezer meals before M was born and it was AWESOME> My husband is perfectly capable, but it was really, really nice to throw something in the crockpot in the morning and be done with dinner for a few weeks. Amy can mock me all she wants, but those freezer meals were a: fun to make (i had a group of friends we made them together) and b: saved us from eating a lot of Panera that first month
Could we have survived without them? Absolutely. But they were sure nice to have.
auroraloo we are going to gtg in August and make us a bunch of freezer meals before we go back to school. Mock away, I heart my freezer like nothing else!