When I was 16 I was in a minor car accident with a friend (later turned arch nemesis, but that's beside the point). She was driving. Her name is Cathy.
When the cop arrived she didn't have her drivers license on her, which was fine in our small town, the cop knew she had a license he just had to take down her details.
The cop deduced that Cathy was short for Catherine, so he asked her how she spelled it. She turned to me and asked, "Rita, how do you spell Catherine?".
We. Were. Six. Teen.
I took a crack at how exactly her parents spelled Catherine, which she had not bothered to learn how to spell in her entire life.
Dumbest person I've ever met in my life. Biggest skank hoe bitch, too.
Post by NothingWrongwithOhio on Mar 27, 2015 7:47:26 GMT -5
I'm the stupid one in this story.
On the way home from a date with H (BF at the time), we were driving through the mountains, it was cloudy, and I saw blinking lights in the sky. I asked "Is that a plane or a lighthouse?"
A lighthouse. In the mountains. Really high in the sky. Not near a body of water.
H still teases me about it to this day, nearly 10 years later. I occasionally receive lighthouse themed gifts.
I must also be the dumbest because I even read that as two months ago.
Me too! dumz for the wyn!
If women can be "I didn't know was pregnant" I'd say men get a pass for not knowing shit about pregnancy. Also if this guy was college age or younger, then yeah. I wouldn't expect them to know anything.
I teach kindergarten. I was trying to explain to my students about an upcoming fire drill. My assistant at the time pipes up and says " boys and girls when you hear the alarm it's very important you EVAPORATE the building as quickly as possible."
When she cut her hand she had to go the Dr. and get a TECHNICAL shot.
Post by MixedBerryJam on Mar 27, 2015 8:14:48 GMT -5
I have two, but they go back a long, long time. Two different people, and I was their supervisor. When we got computers one person did not know that the space bar put the space in between words. Shetypedlikethis. OMGandbecauseshehadbeentheresolongshemademoremoneythanIdid.
And the other person, I gave a bunch of index cards (I said they went back a long time, okay?) and asked her to alphabetize them. She alphabetized them ... with Z in the front, and A in the back. I was told if I wanted A in the front, I should have specified that.
My BFF will never live this one down. We say it every time someone does or says something stupid:
'Hey guys, what's in the pizza box?'
This reminds me of another story.
H had a band website, bandname.tripod.com. The girlfriend of the lead singer came in to practice one night and said she tried going to the site. She was having issues figuring out how to get it to work. Her keyboard did not have a tripod button.
On the way home from a date with H (BF at the time), we were driving through the mountains, it was cloudy, and I saw blinking lights in the sky. I asked "Is that a plane or a lighthouse?"
A lighthouse. In the mountains. Really high in the sky. Not near a body of water.
H still teases me about it to this day, nearly 10 years later. I occasionally receive lighthouse themed gifts.
Near where I used to live a business had a large round sign that was lit up at night with a color and glow similar to the moon. Driving along the highway at night there was a spot where we would first see the sign but it was partially obscured, so we just saw a large round edge and I would be be like, "Wow! The moon is huge tonight.", thinking it was just coming up over the horizon. Now a couple times I think that would be understandable, but I thought that sign was the moon and commented on it for an embarrassingly long time despite the fact that we drove by it regularly.
I also used to work with a particularly smrt girl. Some of the best quotes from her.
"Well she's only older than me because she was born before I was!"
"It's my parents anniversary this year."
One day she had a bruise on her face. We asked her what happened and she said that she hit herself in the face with a phone when she was answering it. When the rest of us laughed she looked confused and said, "What, you've never done that before?" She was convinced that this was something everyone does and that we were lying when we said that we had never hit ourselves in the face with a phone. Apparently she has done it a couple times before.
I had a roommate in college, who when seeing a Cardinal sitting on a branch on the tree outside our apartment exclaimed, "Oh look at the beautiful Red Jay!" When I said, oh, you mean the Cardinal? She replied, "yes, the Red Jay." SMH
I knew someone who thought the word "scapegoat" was "escape goat" and could not be convinced otherwise. Because you blame it on the goat and then escape from the situation. He also tried to convince my friend that a breast exam was not a normal part of a gynecologist visit and that she should report her doctor for assault.
The goat story reminds me of Joey Tribbianis "moo point". But at least joey is a tv character and not a real person.
My former boss was 70+ and didn't realize that exit numbers and mile markers on interstates and highways lined up. We live in Kansas, she grew up right off I-70, so no excuses.
I was driving across Nebraska with a classmate to attend a conference. We stopped at a restaurant in the middle of nowhere to eat dinner. It was one of the restaurants where you pay at the register after you eat, so we went to pay our bill. I handed the waitress my bill and credit card. She ran the credit card, didn't work. She ran it again, didn't work. She tried punching in the numbers, didn't work. Other waitress comes by, runs credit card. It works just fine. Other waitress leaves. She hands me the receipt to sign. I ask her for a pen. For some reason they don't keep one at the register, so she goes off to find one. Five minutes later she returns with a pen. I write down a tip, total it up, sign and hand it back to her. She enters the total I have just written at the bottom of the receipt into the cash register, it deducts the original total to show change owed (the amount of the tip). She takes the tip amount in cash out of the register and offers it to me. I look at her blankly and say that it was a tip. She acts like this exchange is not weird at all and puts the money back in the register.
My classmate hands over her bill and credit card. Once again the waitress cannot seem to get the credit card to work after a few attempts. Other waitress comes back, runs the card and leaves. Classmate writes down a tip, totals everything up, signs and hands back the receipt. THE WAITRESS TRIES TO GIVE THE TIP BACK AS CHANGE AGAIN. Classmate indicates AGAIN that this was tip (maybe the fact that it was written on the "Tip" line should have been a clue). Waitress once again acts like this a totally normal and puts the money back in the register. It could have only been more perfect if she had lost the pen between transactions.
To this day am I curious if no one had ever tipped her before and she didn't know what to do about it or if she attempts to give people change every single time.
this wins.
So in this type of restaurant situation, I believe they hand you the tip to go put on the table or hand to waitress.
I went to college in Arkansas, and freshman year, when meeting new people, we would often say where we were from. I got tired of hearing people mangle Massachusetts, so I just started saying I was from New England.
One person responded, "New England? Cool! I've never even been out of the country."
He thought New England was a colony in the South Pacific. He also later told me Massachusetts isn't supposed to have an "s" at the end. We all just spell it wrong.
Where in MA are you from? I am in Mass too southern mass
So in this type of restaurant situation, I believe they hand you the tip to go put on the table or hand to waitress.
I've never been given my tip in cash at any other restaurant to leave on the table and plenty of them have been pay at the register places. Anyway, the waitress ringing us up at the register was the one who served us and why would we take our money back to the table? The register is right next to the door.
Post by deanlicker78 on Mar 27, 2015 9:35:36 GMT -5
When exH and I had just moved to Washington state our new neighbor asked where we were from. When I answered Nebraska, she asked what state that was in.
Then there was my favorite moment ever that my child will never live down. She'd been icing her shin splints after cross country practice. She forgot to throw the bag away until the next day. I walked in the room and asked her why she was holding a bag of water. She said she wasnt, it was a bag of melted ice. I pointed out that its now a bag of water. She argued again, it's not water! It's melted ice!
She's also the child that once asked me, is Monday the 12th a Thursday?
Post by notsocreepylurker on Mar 27, 2015 9:35:45 GMT -5
I was the dummy in the situation.
I work with a lot of people from India. They are always (jokingly) arguing about what is considered North India and what is South India. Like, Oh no - Raj is NORTH Indian - we don't claim him in the South type joking. I was doing Online Dating and was chatting with a guy and he said he was West Indian. So I went to my coworkers and was like HEY! You guys never mention West & East Indian - how come?
Yea, turns out the guy was from the West Indies - not India. I felt so dumb but we all had a good laugh about it.
I had a conversation once during which someone realized for the 1st time that "Chester drawers" was actually 'a chest of drawers.' It was hysterically funny and we still laugh about it 20+ years later.
My H has an acquaintance who thinks the phrase "best case scenario" is "best case in Ontario".
i can't stop laughing at this. you must have died the day this came to light. is there a story??
not really lol, my H just told me it's what this dude says. He's not sure if he's saying it to be funny or something, but I'm like, no, I've met this dude and he really is that dumb.
Post by jennynumbers on Mar 27, 2015 10:14:23 GMT -5
My roommate in college walked into our bedroom after a shower while I was on the phone. She went over to her side and accidentally lit her robe on fire from a candle. She looked at me and said very calmly, "OMG, I'm on fire. I'm on fire." (It was all the way up her arm at this point getting close to her face.) I put my phone down and pulled her robe off and stepped on it. As I was pulling her robe off she was trying to maneuver the towel from her head around her body. Even on fire she was modest.
Same friend caused a grease fire over the stove. She said, "Get the salt!" And started sprinkling the little salt shaker over it. I moved her out of the way and put a lid on the pan.
My FIL. Moved to rural Southern GA, they have armadillos and the dog is going insane chasing them so FIL goes to the hardware/garden store (not a chain) to ask if they have thing to deal with armadillos. The guy at desk suggests lead poisoning. FIL asks where to get lead and how to administer the lead. " You're not from around here are you?"
I had a coworker who was insistant that the U.S. had killed bin laden (years before we had). Turned out she meant saddam Hussein. She thought they were the same person.
My FIL. Moved to rural Southern GA, they have armadillos and the dog is going insane chasing them so FIL goes to the hardware/garden store (not a chain) to ask if they have thing to deal with armadillos. The guy at desk suggests lead poisoning. FIL asks where to get lead and how to administer the lead. " You're not from around here are you?"
This isn't dumb.
If someone suggested I use lead to poison an armadillo not only would I be like WTF, but I'd probably resign myself to living in harmony with the armadillo.