I had been questioning my beliefs (or lack there of) for years. Years. A few years ago I was reading a lot about evolution and homosapians because I grew up in a Christian school and was never taught evolution. So I realized that Adam and Eve couldn't be real, they weren't the first people because you cannot trace start of the human race to two people. I don't know. I never thought about it before and it blew my mind and it's been quite a journey ever since.
Hmm. Well, I don't think there was any particular point where I had to "come out". My parents are FAR more religious now than they were when I was growing up, but we did go to church and they have always believed in God. I think I told them I didn't want to go to church regularly anymore after my confirmation (so 8th grade?) and have kind of been wishy washy about church related stuff since then.
My mom does say religious things to me from time to time, and I know I've been gifted a bible in the past. I have also indicated I was open to becoming religious in the past, though. It just has never clicked. I'm probably more agnostic than athiest, which I think would be harder for my parents to swallow. But overall, they have been respectful of the fact that I don't really want to engage in much religion talk and that I bow out of attending church. My BF is even less interested in religion than I am (I'm not sure he'd call himself athiest, but I think that's basically it) and my sister and her H are in the same boat, so I have been able to "blame" them for getting out of church the last couple of Christmas's. Honestly, I'd go to church on Christmas and be fine with it too. I just don't really care either way.
I am very supportive of their religion and love that it's given them so much joy and support over the years. I think they know that, and that helps make it a non-issue that I don't participate. I know they would love to see us in heaven but while we're here on earth, they have been pretty respectful that we can have different views/interests and it's ok.
Grew up in a very religious family. Both parents work in religious non-profit health care. My brother now works in college ministry. So, they're very enmeshed with their principles and their religious practices. (Grew up Catholic, then we converted to Lutheran. Now I'm...not religious, but still believe in something bigger.)
I never said I didn't believe what they believed anymore, but they knew I no longer went to church. After many initial talks, and even a sit-down with my brother in which he explained that the wounds from my abusive marriage would heal if I believed in Jesus, they have settled down and no longer bring it up. Maybe once/twice a year at most, and it's off-hand remarks.
It took a long time for me, personally, to be comfortable with my position when in their presence. Now I give no fucks. Several years ago, it was torture and I didn't know how to stand up for myself.
Post by snipsnsnails on Mar 27, 2015 11:51:17 GMT -5
Just coming from the opposite side to chime in, I was raised by two staunch atheists and have two, firmly atheistic brothers, but I'm the religious one.
I told them when I was first starting to investigate and then when I made a firm decision. They've accepted that, but it hasn't changed their beliefs at all.
no, and the thought of doing it to my dad & step mom scares me. my dad & step mom are evangelical christians and very, very conservative. i need to say something because of L though i think. they keep buying her religious gifts and it is making me uncomfortable. we have said something to h's family, and if they cared they didn't say anything.
my mother is a native american and very, very spiritual but not religious. we don't really discuss religion, but we do discuss ethics. i have mentioned to her that i don't believe in anything, but she didn't even react. i think she might secretly be relieved
for my dad and i, we just know better than to discuss religion or politics. i think he must have an idea of where i stand knowing that i begged him to let me stop going to church at 17 (and he made me continue going until i was 18), and that he once called me a socialist lol i stay completely silent when he discusses religion.
Lurker chiming in. H and I both grew up in a conservative religious area and de-converted in the last 3 years, on our own separate paths. It's been really tough to figure out how, when, or if we should share this with our families as they will be immensely hurt and disappointed. Avoidance has been our strategy so far.
My parents will likely be moving to our town in a few months after living in another area of the country for many years, and I am really nervous about how that will all go as I'm sure they will ask us about finding a church, etc. We are TTC so it will definitely come up when we don't baptize our child. So far we've just been pretending that we are still churchgoers, but it will be even harder to keep up the charade when my parents will be living so close.
Figuring out how to deal with this issue in the future is one of my biggest stressors, actually.
Post by NothingWrongwithOhio on Mar 27, 2015 12:25:06 GMT -5
I "came out" about my atheism officially around when my uncle (closer in age to me than my mother) "came out" about his religion, which I don't remember what he called it and feel like a huge asshole for that. It's something to do with auras and angels and quartz. But my family was giving him grief about it at a family meal and someone looked to me for back up on how Catholicism was where it's at and I said "Don't ask me, I'm an atheist." Honestly, they should have known something was up because I declined going to church all the time, my daughter wasn't baptized, and we did not get married in the church.
No one in my family really talks about it except my not Catholic uncle who tried to convert me to his religion until he decided H and I have "dead auras."
However, I did have an in depth conversation with my grandmother about it shortly after my grandfather died. It was more of "so what do YOU think happens when people die" thing and she was genuinely more interested in what I thought than trying to press her religion on me.
MIL does not know that all three of her sons are agnostic/atheist and she's heavily involved in the Presbyterian church. It's just kind of not talked about.
I was raised catholic but my family isn't very religious. My mom is gay and a recovering drug addict so I think she is more spiritual now than a catholic. I'm an atheist and I'm very open with my family, but I'm that way about everything. I don't really know how to keep quiet about things. My family and my in laws were a little disappointed to find out we weren't baptizing ds. I'm not sure why they thought we might.
Post by mrsukyankee on Mar 30, 2015 13:58:45 GMT -5
When I visit, I choose not to go to church. Plus I married a non-practicing Hindu. Those two things definitely 'told' my parents that I'm no longer religious. I too am not sure exactly what my beliefs are, but I don't feel a need for church.
DH is agnostic and was raised in the Mormon church. His dad and stepmother are very active in the church and his mom was up until she died. DH has come out and it doesn't sit well with his dad at all. His dad still tries to talk him into going back and constantly asks why he left and what would make him go back to the church. Unfortunately family time with his dad is not very fun for DH because the convo always turns to religion and only religion. His dad feels like he failed. DH's mom didn't push the issue too much. She was worried for him but didn't push it like his dad. His dad also gave the church DH's # so now DH gets phone calls asking him to go back.
Some of his family members accused me and his sisters of being witches. None of us follow that religion (I'm an atheist). Witch SIL had a party at her house and two of our other SIL's, who are devout Mormons, refused to go because the house was evil. :?
I remember when I started dating an atheist (and I was in my 30's, mind you), my father decided to snoop and figured this out, to which I replied "well, so am I". So I guess that was me coming out? I had been an open atheist for years but we had never had a conversation about religion. He tried to tell me that I wasn't really an atheist. FFS, don't try to tell me what I do or don't believe!
My mom told me the same thing. She knows I have always questioned religion and she's not religious either so when she said I'm not an atheist I was taken aback.
I've never sat down and really talked to them about it, and I probably never will (unless we have kids). They have figured out I'm less religious , but not to what extent. It bothers my dad a lot that I don't attend church and he sees it as his personal failing. He thinks I still believe, but am just really bad about going to church Being agnostic/atheist is not really accepted well where I live and could have a bit of a harmful effect on my career, so I just kind of mind my own business about it. Same with H.
I am an atheist. My parents are not particularly religious so I'm very open with them about it. My in-laws are EXTREMELY religious and I have never come out to them about it, nor has my husband ever been honest with them about it (we've been dating since we were 19 and while I was baptized Catholic, I haven't been to church since I was like 6). I'm not happy about the situation, honestly -- I get a ton of emails from my mother-in-law asking me to sign Catholic League petitions that I absolutely disagree with (re: abortion, church in schools, funding for Catholic schools, etc.). Similarly, they ask us to donate to causes that I absolutely would not donate to. They made a huge fuss that our wedding was a Catholic ceremony instead of a full mass (while I would say that I was dragged kicking and screaming into a church wedding in the first place). Discussion at their home centers around their activities at church.
They're nice people, and I think at this point they'd be able to wrap their heads around the truth, but it is kind of awkward to bring up at this point. One of these days! I do think it is something that my husband should reveal instead of me, though. And by "should reveal," I mean "should have told them 16 years ago," but... you know...
I told my parents I wasn't Catholic anymore in college (they're very, very strict Catholic). My mom told me Church was a family activity and if I didn't go, they were going to stop paying my tuition. That was a pretty good hourly rate, so I attended whenever I visited them, but only then, until graduation. After that, I was done, which my dad had a few tantrums over.
They're mostly done with the tantrums now, 20 years later, but they're still pretty passive aggressive about it. Hasn't done them any good.