And I'm kind of sensitive about not having a lot of friends so if this is stupid, please don't be harsh about it.
I'm in a close group of friends. My best friend is the main person who glues us all together. Her and I are both graduating this semester (in the same ceremony and we've been yapping about it for months so everyone definitely knows) and I just got a "we're throwing Main Person a surprise graduation party! Don't tell her!"
Is is normal that my feelings are hurt because they didn't think of me too?
Post by fuckyourcouch on Apr 26, 2015 22:33:02 GMT -5
Wait, to clarify: Group of friends including both of you (so, I assume, mutual interests, hangouts, etc - you don't only know these other people through other graduating friend). The rest of the group is throwing only best friend a graduation party even though they know you are also graduating? Is that right?
Wait, to clarify: Group of friends including both of you (so, I assume, mutual interests, hangouts, etc - you don't only know these other people through other graduating friend). The rest of the group is throwing only best friend a graduation party even though they know you are also graduating? Is that right?
Yes, my feelings would be hurt in that situation.
We are all friends. We all work together and see each other at least 3 times a week. Main friend is just more social than I am and likes to go drinking with them after work more than I'm able to, but we are definitely all good friends.
Is it possible that they are also planning on doing something for you? If not, that's pretty shitty & my feelings would be hurt too.
No, it's not possible (eta- that they throw me a separate party) and I'm not even going to think of that as an option because then I'm just going to be let down when it doesn't happen.
Main friend is wonderful though. I swear to god she's the kindest person in the world and she knows this is my biggest insecurity. I know that when it happens she is going to be so sad for me and that makes me even sadder about it all- that on her big night she's going to be hurting for me.
If that was the situation, yes, my feelings would be hurt, too.
Then I'd try to tell myself that maybe the surprise party is for both of us...and she got the same "surprise party" invite. Then my feeling would be hurt again if I realized that wasn't the case.
Post by RoxMonster on Apr 26, 2015 22:39:45 GMT -5
Is it possible it is also a surprise party for you too and they are sending you an invitation for your friend so you will be there, thinking it's just for her?
If not, yes, my feelings would be hurt and that would really suck of them to do that.
Is it possible it is also a surprise party for you too and they are sending you an invitation for your friend so you will be there, thinking it's just for her?
If not, yes, my feelings would be hurt and that would really suck of them to do that.
That would be wonderful. I truly hope that's what's happening, but then I don't want to get excited because I know that's probably not the case.
Post by speckledfrog on Apr 26, 2015 22:43:10 GMT -5
I know you guys are trying to help mcmel feel better, but why would they tell each person that it's a surprise party for the other person. That makes no sense.
mcmel, I'm sorry they did this. It's really shitty.
Post by RoxMonster on Apr 26, 2015 22:46:15 GMT -5
I wouldn't want to get my hopes up either; I totally get it.
I don't think it's absolutely not possible. We threw MIL a surprise bday party a couple months ago and it was like hell trying to get her there without giving away the surprise; some of the excuses we had come up with to get her there were really crazy and out there. I don't think it's totally impossible--not saying it's what happening, as like you said, I don't want to get your hopes up. But in response to people saying this would never happen....I don't know. I think it could. Sometimes you say weird things to get people to surprise parties.
I know you guys are trying to help mcmel feel better, but why would they tell each person that it's a surprise party for the other person. That makes no sense.
mcmel, I'm sorry they did this. It's really shitty.
The only thing that would make sense is if Rox's situation was true. They know I would go to Main friend's graduation party in a heartbeat. They know I would not go to a normal "want to have drinks at my house after work" type thing because I come home to my family most nights.
Is it possible that they are also planning on doing something for you? If not, that's pretty shitty & my feelings would be hurt too.
No, it's not possible (eta- that they throw me a separate party) and I'm not even going to think of that as an option because then I'm just going to be let down when it doesn't happen.
Main friend is wonderful though. I swear to god she's the kindest person in the world and she knows this is my biggest insecurity. I know that when it happens she is going to be so sad for me and that makes me even sadder about it all- that on her big night she's going to be hurting for me.
I'm sorry. That's hurtful. They likely are just being forgetful & not malicious, but that doesn't really make it much better.
FWIW, my daughter just loves the pics you post, esp. the eagle stuff. She is fascinated by animals & thought it was so awesome that you were so close & helpful to them. Probably wrong time & place for that info, but I keep forgetting to tell you.
Post by dianecourt on Apr 26, 2015 22:49:01 GMT -5
mcmel - I'm sorry, it does sound really crappy. Is there a second best person in the group that you might go to and say, "look, can we make this a joint thing? I was planning something myself for the whole graduating group, but you all beat me to the punch!" I know this can be really hard.
Yeah that would hurt my feelings. I don't think you are being extra sensitive. I might say something passive aggressive-ish, whatever day/time they are planning the surprise party for, say "oh, we already had plans then to celebrate OUR graduation together, I'll have to see if I can convince her to change our plans". Or something similar. Rub it in that, hello, you are graduating too asswipes.
Post by RoxMonster on Apr 26, 2015 22:50:53 GMT -5
And if it turns out that they ARE actually being really shitty and not throwing you a surprise party too, I'd ask best friend to go out the next weekend and do something really fun just the two of you to celebrate your graduations and screw the rest of them. (As I understand it, best friend would not be acting shitty because she is unaware this is all going down at all, correct?)
No, it's not possible (eta- that they throw me a separate party) and I'm not even going to think of that as an option because then I'm just going to be let down when it doesn't happen.
Main friend is wonderful though. I swear to god she's the kindest person in the world and she knows this is my biggest insecurity. I know that when it happens she is going to be so sad for me and that makes me even sadder about it all- that on her big night she's going to be hurting for me.
I'm sorry. That's hurtful. They likely are just being forgetful & not malicious, but that doesn't really make it much better.
FWIW, my daughter just loves the pics you post, esp. the eagle stuff. She is fascinated by animals & thought it was so awesome that you were so close & helpful to them. Probably wrong time & place for that info, but I keep forgetting to tell you.
No, thanks so much for mentioning it. I'm glad she loves them. The birds are my saving grace these days and I'm glad other people enjoy them.
And if it turns out that they ARE actually being really shitty and not throwing you a surprise party too, I'd ask best friend to go out the next weekend and do something really fun just the two of you to celebrate your graduations and screw the rest of them. (As I understand it, best friend would not be acting shitty because she is unaware this is all going down at all, correct?)
Correct. She's absolutely wonderful and I guarantee you she will make a show of me at the party (if it's just for her). She will go on and on about how much I volunteer and how hard I've worked and how proud she is of me for graduating and this night is for us.
Is it possible it is also a surprise party for you too and they are sending you an invitation for your friend so you will be there, thinking it's just for her?
If not, yes, my feelings would be hurt and that would really suck of them to do that.
I would've just assumed this because I am full of myself. LOL.
If this does not turn out to be the case, then your hurt feelings are 100% justified.
Correct. She's absolutely wonderful and I guarantee you she will make a show of me at the party (if it's just for her). She will go on and on about how much I volunteer and how hard I've worked and how proud she is of me for graduating and this night is for us.
That's a good friend!
She'll turn it into a party that night for both of you, and that's what matters. I guess I would try my best to tell myself it IS a party for both of us...even if my name isn't on the invite. (I'd still be hurt, but I'd try not to let it dampen the celebration.). If it's a gifting thing, you may not get gifts, but you'll get to celebrate anyway. I bet the party planner will feel badly when she really realizes it.
Yeah that would hurt my feelings. I don't think you are being extra sensitive. I might say something passive aggressive-ish, whatever day/time they are planning the surprise party for, say "oh, we already had plans then to celebrate OUR graduation together, I'll have to see if I can convince her to change our plans". Or something similar. Rub it in that, hello, you are graduating too asswipes.