As I approach the final week or so as a mom to just one, I find myself sad. I am worried Elijah will not get as much attention or that I won't have as much love for him. I am worried he will resent his little brother or not easily adjust. We have such a good thing going as a family of 3-- what if it doesn't feel the same with 4? I feel spread thin already. I barely manage to get everything done now. I feel like i just want to protect him. He's still so little. I keep crying. Tell me these are normal fears and thoughts. Obviously I'm so excited for the new baby, but I didn't anticipate I'd have all these other feelings.
Post by rootbeerfloat on Apr 28, 2015 16:21:06 GMT -5
This is normal, but it really works itself out. My friend, who is sappier than I am, told me my heart would grow, and though I rolled my eyes when she said it, it turned out to be true. E will adjust, and so will you.
And yes, seeing your two kids interact is the best.
Post by turtlegirl on Apr 28, 2015 16:22:17 GMT -5
Yes! And it's TOTALLY normal. I think most second/third/whatever time mom's all go through this. I remember not even really being that excited or "connected" to DS2 when I was in the hospital about to be induced! But literally the second he was born I started sobbing like a stereotypical "OMG - I LOVE MY BABY SO MUCH!" kinda way. DS1 was only 20 months when DS2 was born. and I remember crying at the dinner table the night before I was first going to be alone all day with both kids and telling DH there was no way I could take care of them both and DS1 was going to be miserable since I needed to give so much time/attention to the baby.
But of course we all survived and adjusted and DS1 and DS2 are so close and best friends now. It's amazing!
But even having gone through it before, I'm still worried about how our family dynamic will change in 4 months when I give birth to DD. I worry about DS2 and how he'll adjust from being "the baby" to being the middle child, even though he'll be 3 when she's born. I know we'll adjust and get through it just like last time, but I think it's still totally normal to think about/stress/cry/be emotional over changing family dynamics.
I've only got one kid so no help there, but I just had to say HOLY CRAP HOW ARE YOU IN THE LAST WEEK OF YOUR PREGNANCY ALREADY?! Didn't you just announce you were pregnant?
It's so normal. In retrospect, a bonus of P coming so early was that I didn't work myself into too much of a tizzy over this, because I know I would have.
It is stressful sometimes, and I do feel stretched thin, but I try to think of it in terms of what I'm giving C--a sibling, a friend, a playmate, a best man someday. It is still possible to do one-on-one time with him, and there's room in your lap for two! Your heart really does just explode with even more love. It's really incredible.
Totally normal! I cried in the hospital when I was in labor with DS because of these feelings.
It will be different but it will still be good! It will be hard at first but you will find your new groove! Your son is going to love his little sibling and you will love them both so much!
It's completely normal. I remember sobbing in the hospital after DD2 was born, thinking that I would miss out on so much with DD1 now that there was a new baby. Things have a way of working out, especially if you have a supportive partner and family.
I've only got one kid so no help there, but I just had to say HOLY CRAP HOW ARE YOU IN THE LAST WEEK OF YOUR PREGNANCY ALREADY?! Didn't you just announce you were pregnant?
Announced in September. Although other than the past few weeks (so darn uncomfy) it does seem like it flew by. We have nothing ready. Nesting needs to kick in ASAP!
Also, I found that I bonded immediately with P, whereas with C it took me several weeks to really feel that mom love. That helped a lot.
Thanks for sharing this. There was a definite period with E where I was more "how did this child get here and what do I do with him" than instant love. Maybe it will be different this time.
When Jude turned two last week, we reminisced about feeling this way as we watched our boys, who adore each other, play blocks. Giving them each other is the best thing we ever did for them.
Normal.. I cried the last night I put DS1 to bed before my induction. I had a hard time at first with this. I cried bc I missed DS1 while he was off doing fun stuff with my mom or MIL. After a few weeks when we fell into a routine it made me feel so much better. Hang in there!
Absolutely! I cried and fretted that I was ruining my oldest's life. (Coincidentally my oldest shares a name with your little guy and my youngest shares his birthday!)
Instead of ruining his life, I think I improved it more than I could have ever imagined. They are absolutely best friends. Driving home from the hospital, I had an immediate rush of "this is it! Our family is finally complete." He fit into the family seamlessly (though not without the typical sleeplessness and newborn crying!)
The first 6 months were tough, but I felt a more immediate bond with him, and I was a MUCH more confident mom. Taking both kids out when DS2 was a newborn was much less scary than just taking newborn DS1 out alone!
As you can see, though, you're not alone. I snuggled with DS1 and cried and cried several nights before DS2 was born...and even as we left for the hospital. I felt like I owed him an apology. Oh, pregnancy hormones...and how absolutely wrong I was!
Post by carolinagirl831 on Apr 28, 2015 17:23:29 GMT -5
I'm 5 days into being a mom of 2, I totally understand all your feelings!! Dd is 25 months old and doing great. She is very interested in baby sister and helping. The hardest thing so far was when we were in the hospital. DH and I were there 4 days. She came to visit everyday and DH went home at night to put her to bed. ( grand parents stayed with her) she was sad about us being at the hospital and so so excited when we came home. She's been loving Dh being off this week and they been doing special things together. She's been pretty understanding of me not being able to play and move around as much as possible but over all really great about it. It's an adjustment for sure and normal to be sad about your family of 3, but in the long run you'll be fine! Enjoy your last week together!
It's completely normal. I remember sobbing in the hospital after DD2 was born, thinking that I would miss out on so much with DD1 now that there was a new baby. Things have a way of working out, especially if you have a supportive partner and family.
This happened to me too. I held DD2 and sobbed that she didn't have someone to love her, and I hardly knew who she was (LOL, what?) And texted my BFF, who told me it was normal and no one tells you that.
I cried the whole way to the hospital with DS2. I felt the same way, but when you hold that new baby in your arms you realize how your heart just gets bigger to make more room. Every time you see your 2 kiddos together, you know how lucky they are to have each other.
What you are feeling is so normal, but know (intellectually, since I get you can't change how you feel) that it couldn't be farther from the truth.
Post by teatimefor2 on Apr 28, 2015 18:48:37 GMT -5
Totally normal. I was in labor, very in labor, and DH was putting DS1 to bed. I went up to tell him to hurry up because the baby was coming (less than one hour later) and burst into tears because it would never be us three again.
However, the minute O was born I felt this huge surge of instant love. It overwhelmed me. I didn't have that with my eldest. It was more like serge of responsibility, love for my eldest was more gradual. But I love them both so so much. They light up my world.
Now at 2.5 yrs and six months, in seeing a glimpse of the future. DS1 loves making the baby laugh, and loves to help him. DS2 wants to watch his brother all the time. They are so sweet together.
I had the same concerns, but the minute my son was born, it felt right - an instant new normal. DS1 adjusted really quickly too.
Post by water*drop on Apr 28, 2015 18:51:03 GMT -5
I've got a couple of weeks left with just DD, and I definitely feel like this. The baby is due the day before DD's birthday, too, so I'm also having a bunch of angst about potentially missing DD's birthday. DD is SO excited, and I feel guilty because she really has no idea what she's in for. I've cried a lot, and I've spoiled DD rotten in the past week or so as if I can somehow make up for not having as much time with her in advance. I keep telling myself that it's normal to feel this way, and that it will all work out in the end...but I'm still definitely sitting here crying over one of the new baby Daniel Tiger episodes as I type this.
Absolutely! Mine started the minute that us tech said you are having twins. I was terrified I had ruined J's life. I was scared I couldn't love two more babies as much as I loved him, how would I handle a full time job and 3 kids so young, he wouldn't get any attention, they wouldn't get any attention, the list went on and on.
But you know what, I didn't ruin his life. I added to it in so many ways. He absolutely adores his sisters! Watching them all together is the most amazing thing. Yes, it's true there have been times I didn't feel like I was able to give them all the attention that I wanted to at the time but I do believe they are learning from that. Watching your children grow together is the most amazing thing. Trust me, it won be the same as it is now but it will add to your life and E's in amazing ways.
Post by MadamePresident on Apr 28, 2015 19:59:38 GMT -5
I felt like that so much. I remember crying I felt so sad. After the new baby came I actually went through a time where I didn't even like my older child. I think a lot of it was due to me tandem nursing and being completely touched out, but my doctor said it was totally normal. Now things are much better and I enjoy both kids.
Thanks for posting this rikki. I'm only 11 weeks pregnant with #2, so I have no advice to offer, but I feel the same way all the time. I just keep thinking DS is the center of our world and we're totally going to rock his entire existence by bringing a baby home.
All the replies have been really sweet & encouraging to read.