mp, thank you for the kind words. The last Stir event in Nashville appears to have taken place in May 2013. My schedule makes things hard since I'm off on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I feel like I do things and go to events, but again, it's not like anyone talks to me. I did talk to a guy at the Derby party I went to...and he was there with his gf.
Key - no one talks to YOU. So first, I'd start by talking to THEM.
What I would suggest is go out with some friends who are kind but honest. Ask them for feedback about the vibe you're putting out. Are you closed off? Do you sit towards the bar making it hard to approach you, or do you sit with your body language open to people approaching? Do you make eye contact?
jigsy and I have gone out several times and we are so different in the elements and environments we're good in. She's great in a bar, I am more closed off. But I have watched her body language and taken note of the things we do that are different. It's not that I think every guy ever is more into her - she's damn gorgeous and has a killer rack... but she exudes a different level of confidence than I do in those settings. Now, in an art gallery, I am much better at striking up casual conversation with someone.
Post by glitzyglow on May 13, 2015 15:39:57 GMT -5
mp, I appreciate your suggestions. I have done them, however. I have approached more men this past year in person than in my entire single life. And I've been rejected more this past year than ever. I have thrown myself out and yielded no results, which also plays a large part as to why I am feeling so defeated. Last month I finally said screw it after I approached a guy sitting alone at the bar and he totally ignored me. It sucks to be rejected again and again.
Unless you count super drunk guys, I am never approached. Ever. The last super drunk guy to hit on me was also married. Classic.
mp, I appreciate your suggestions. I have done them, however. I have approached more men this past year in person than in my entire single life. And I've been rejected more this past year than ever. I have thrown myself out and yielded no results, which also plays a large part as to why I am feeling so defeated. Last month I finally said screw it after I approached a guy sitting alone at the bar and he totally ignored me. It sucks to be rejected again and again.
Unless you count super drunk guys, I am never approached. Ever. The last super drunk guy to hit on me was also married. Classic.
Listen, I'm not saying this to be snarky not at all, but your attitude in this post tells me so much. You are completely and 100% defeatist and that will never attract a healthy relationship or even a healthy date.
If you've tried mp's suggestions and they haven't worked, try again. Maybe you need to try with more honest female friends or maybe you just need to keep trying. I'll tell you a story that might help.
A few years ago I was at a wine tasting party at a friend's house with a good friend of mine, J. J and I were having a great time laughing and joking and tasting wines. In walks a mutual friend, N. She comes over to J and I and spends the entire time she is there lamenting that there are no good guys out there and she never gets asked on any dates/never gets hit on. Literally, that is ALL she talked to J and I about. Both J and I tried to do what the other ladies in this post are doing. We tried to be positive and give her suggestions and advice. She would have NONE of it. Everything we said she had a response as to why that didn't/wouldn't/couldn't work for her particular situation. You know what? At that same party, I met TWO nice guys who both asked for my number and later asked me out.
mp, I appreciate your suggestions. I have done them, however. I have approached more men this past year in person than in my entire single life. And I've been rejected more this past year than ever. I have thrown myself out and yielded no results, which also plays a large part as to why I am feeling so defeated. Last month I finally said screw it after I approached a guy sitting alone at the bar and he totally ignored me. It sucks to be rejected again and again.
Unless you count super drunk guys, I am never approached. Ever. The last super drunk guy to hit on me was also married. Classic.
Aren't you in Nashville? We need to have a Nashville GTG and find you some men!!! there are some other Nashville ladies too I think
eta: how old are you? I have found age plays a big role. The selection of men in your 20s is nothing like selection of men in your 40s
glitzyglow. I can totally relate to your feelings. I think some people are just more socially approachable than others. I am not one of those people. Couple that with social anxiety and well it's not an awesome combination. I too got rejected quite a bit.
I found I met more people through other people. So I just focused on expanding my social circle and that helped. I'm much better on a "warm" introduction. I know it's frustrating but it's just something that I believe is so tied to timing and not about the person. I mean I always mapped back to Jennifer Aniston who was single for years.
Post by glitzyglow on May 13, 2015 17:57:44 GMT -5
kaneen, absolutely my attitude in this post is defeatist, which is why I posted...because I feel defeated. As of last month, I totally flipped switch to feeling defeated by the world of dating. Prior to that I was pretty good about brushing myself off and saying tomorrow is a new day. After 3.5 years of dating and nothing, I feel rejected, defeated, and like an ogre. That said, I am not socially inept enough to complain at a party, lol. I complain here in my confession post because this is a safe place for me where others can sympathize. My roommate and I complain about dating and I've talked to my close friends about my frustrations. That's it. I don't project it to the entire world. I would never complain to strangers or in fun situations. I am just done reaching out for a while and putting myself out there. I need a break. I'm probably like 0-100. Not great odds, which is playing into my sadness.
@bk, I'm 29. Everyone is welcome to come to Nashville!! I had a blast when FormerlyRR, cuddlyevil, and alicenelson visited! (heart)
I also just saw that my toxic fwb from earlier this year is in a relationship and seems happy and I had to throw a little pity party for a minute. He is absolutely not healthy and I had no desire to be in a relationship with him, but when you add him, my xbf, and xh who are all in relationships and seem happy when I know they don't have their shit together I have to wonder why not me. I know rationally that in the long term I will be better for taking time to work on myself and not excepting less than what I know I deserve, but it still sucks sometimes.
Ugh, I remember when the fuckbuddy I was IN LOVE with (such a good idea, people) got married and I was all, "WHY NOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" LOL. Ummm, because I was a hot mess back then and he was a super douche. If we met now, we probably never would have slept together. But, man, it is a mind fuck.
Post by jojoandleo on May 13, 2015 18:03:24 GMT -5
I think it is a lot of what mp says. I exude confidence. People even joke about the way I walk. I call it my bitch walk. It makes me feel good, and so I walk through bars like that. I get a lot of attention because of it. This doesn't make me hotter, better, smart, or anything -er than anyone else, it is about how you portray yourself.
Now, if you throw me in a group of friends where I know, like, one person, and everyone else is friends, I am going to be shy, and probably come off like a bitch. No one approaches me, making me feel more awkward, and making me come off more bitchy. It's a vicious cycle. You have to find what you are comfortable doing. Don't just PRETEND confidence, but find a place you just ARE confident. Books store, art gallery, gym, bar, park, wherever!
((glitzyglow)) I truly believe that dating is a combo of luck and timing.
I've seen so many women that are great people, attractive, have their shit together and just have a rough time dating. I don't believe it's a reflection of the person most of the time. And there are lots of douchbag assholes that are in relationships. Sometimes there's not an explanation. I have a friend from college that was always single. She was beautiful, smart and funny and she had such a hard time dating. I never understood it. She was pretty persistent with online dating (took some breaks though) and she ended up meeting and marrying a great guy that she met on match.
I also got got very little attention online dating. I think I had maybe 5 dates in a year. But I did end up meeting J online. Dont lose hope.
kaneen, absolutely my attitude in this post is defeatist, which is why I posted...because I feel defeated. As of last month, I totally flipped switch to feeling defeated by the world of dating. Prior to that I was pretty good about brushing myself off and saying tomorrow is a new day. After 3.5 years of dating and nothing, I feel rejected, defeated, and like an ogre. That said, I am not socially inept enough to complain at a party, lol. I complain here in my confession post because this is a safe place for me where others can sympathize. My roommate and I complain about dating and I've talked to my close friends about my frustrations. That's it. I don't project it to the entire world. I would never complain to strangers or in fun situations. I am just done reaching out for a while and putting myself out there. I need a break. I'm probably like 0-100. Not great odds, which is playing into my sadness.
@bk, I'm 29. Everyone is welcome to come to Nashville!! I had a blast when FormerlyRR, cuddlyevil, and alicenelson visited! (heart)
@pdx18, thanks for understanding. (heart)
Don't get me wrong, I do sympathize. I'm 41 and have been mostly single since my divorce...in 2000. Yes, 15 years. So I get it. I'm just saying that while you don't feel as though you are projecting negatively, you probably are.
But don't take my advice. I'm a single 41 year old
glitzyglow I can totally relate. Most of the time I'm fine with being single. But then there's days it feels like a personal dig, or that there's something wrong with me. Which does eat at my self esteem. I don't have any additional advice, as I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. But hugs and hair pats.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
I hate the pixie/cropped/capri pant look. YOUR PANTS ARE NOT LONG ENOUGH.
As a long-legged girl, I love it. MY PANTS ARE SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE THIS! I promise...
My inseam is 36", so I get you, but I spent my whole life trying to defeat this highwater nonsense and I still think it looks terrible. Do you, boo, but I could never do it.