H talked to a lawyer

[Bernadine]

Who said that we live in a conservative county, where judges will almost always grant the mother the right to move, as long as she provides a stable, suitable environment.

H is distraught.  I'm heartbroken for him, I can't stop crying.  XW keeps making it sound like 5 hours is not that far.  I can't stop thinking about all of the things h would miss out on.

H is going to call someone else to get a second opinion.  I think we'll end up going to court either way, but then I'm worried we'll be stuck with whatever visitation schedule a judge decides.

So many emotions.  Someone tell me everything will be ok.

[Saint Monica]

Do you think she uses drugs?

What about asking the next atty about a forensic custody evaluation and how that would impact a potential case?

Even if you cant win on round one how would a persuasive eval be reviewed in the court of appeals?

[Deleted]

That is such bullshit. Having a father (and stepmom) who is supportive and nearby is so important. I am so sorry, and I hope that you can find a lawyer and judge who will realize this.

Huge hugs

[Bernadine]

May 21, 2015 7:16:56 GMT -5 Saint Monica said:

Do you think she uses drugs?

What about asking the next atty about a forensic custody evaluation and how that would impact a potential case?

Even if you cant win on round one how would a persuasive eval be reviewed in the court of appeals?

No, I don't think she uses drugs. 

What is a forensic custody evaluation?  Or a persuasive eval?

[jeaniebueller]

Not legal advice, but just because there isn't a prohibition on her moving in their custody decree doesn't mean that she can move the child if they have joint legal custody. Joint legal custody includes decisions on schooling and other aspects of the child's life which certainly would be changed or affected by a 5 hour away move. Talk to a different lawyer.

[Bernadine]

May 21, 2015 7:18:32 GMT -5 tillie said:

I wish I could give you some insight, but I cannot, just support. What is her reason for moving? Doesn't she realize this will hurt their son to be so far away from his Dad? I'm glad you'll continue to fight this!

It's her dream to live in NC.  Schools are better there.  The weather is nicer.  They could buy a bigger house with a pool.

[sparkythelawyer]

Find a new lawyer.

[candreco]

What? It's one thing to make a move like this for a job, but it sounds like she's just moving because she feels like it. How incredibly selfish of her.

And lol that the schools are better. I'm sure they're good in some parts of NC, but they're pretty crappy in others. It's like anywhere, totally dependent on the actual location she's looking at.

[WOT?*]

I would get a second opinion as well. It doesn't hurt to check and there is no way to absolutely know the result. Find an attorney who strongly believes in father's rights. The other worry is that she would move prior to any hearing and at that point the courts would say "meh, she's moved so there's no point to making her move back." I am so sorry your H and you are dealing with this.

[compassrose]

I'm so sorry. My nieces mom just did this and my brother now gets her 6 weeks every summer, thanksgiving, and a week at Christmas and Easter.

SO and I are long distance from his kids. We keep a separate apartment and drive there EOW. It's a huge pain and big financial drain. We are lucky to have flexible jobs.

[sunshineluv]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. My only advice is fight fight fight. You are not defeated yet. The lawyer you spoke with sounds like he isn't going to fight very hard for you, I would want one who will try their hardest to keep him here.

I hope this turns out okay in the end.

[tacokick]

I'd consult with a new lawyer. You are still in MD which is a pretty liberal state when it comes to this sort of thing.

The fact that she is moving "just because" should work in your favor. This isn't a case of a parent getting a job out of town or a military movie. She just wants to move, I've seen this sort of move blocked before.

[Kit]

I'm sorry, rak. Get the second opinion for sure.

[floridakat]

I would see if you can find a family law lawyer that specializes in father's rights. We had a nasty battle several years ago to solidify a new visitation agreement for my SD, and MH found a bulldog lawyer that only represents dads. Unless you really pull the wrong card in which judge you get, I think you have a decent chance of blocking an arbitrary move like this.

[katb]

I didn't know you were in MD. I live in MD and can give you the experiences of several friends and family. All of them have some sort of clause in custody agreements that they can't move out of state or X amount of miles away (I know one has a military exception clause in it). I don't know what part of MD you are in, but the fact that XW believes schools in NC are better is laughable. MD is rated one of the highest in the country for high quality schools.

Talk to a new lawyer, fight, fight, fight. MD is not a conservative state when it comes to parenting issues and parenting rights.

[katb]

I would also do it ASAP and request an emergency hearing so they can block the move until it can be given full consideration in a court hearing.

[toepick]

I agree that you need a different lawyer. If she was moving for a job opportunity, I think she would be more likely to be allowed to move. But for the hell of it? Not so much.

[lilac05]

I'm so sorry.

I agree that a new lawyer is a good idea. You need someone who will fight for you, not just represent you.

[melodramatic26]

I don't have any advice, but I'm so sorry Rak. ((hugs))

[Elsa]

Damn. I'm so sorry. I agree with everyone else- get a second and, if needed, third opinion. And even if everyone says you cannot win this, take it to court anyways.

[orangeblossom]

Definitely talk to someone else.

Good luck. Hugs.

[Bernadine]

May 21, 2015 8:34:54 GMT -5 Elsa said:

Damn. I'm so sorry. I agree with everyone else- get a second and, if needed, third opinion. And even if everyone says you cannot win this, take it to court anyways.

This is the plan, if for no other reason than one day h will be able to tell dss he did everything he could to stay with him.

[Elsa]

May 21, 2015 8:44:06 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

May 21, 2015 8:34:54 GMT -5 Elsa said:

Damn. I'm so sorry. I agree with everyone else- get a second and, if needed, third opinion. And even if everyone says you cannot win this, take it to court anyways.

This is the plan, if for no other reason than one day h will be able to tell dss he did everything he could to stay with him.

Yes, this is what I was thinking. I was just worried it was too negative to type out. I'm so very sorry you are dealing with this Rak

[nahoku]

((rak)) Good luck.

[papie]

May 21, 2015 7:19:30 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

May 21, 2015 7:18:32 GMT -5 tillie said:

I wish I could give you some insight, but I cannot, just support. What is her reason for moving? Doesn't she realize this will hurt their son to be so far away from his Dad? I'm glad you'll continue to fight this!

It's her dream to live in NC.  Schools are better there.  The weather is nicer.  They could buy a bigger house with a pool.

And rarely see their dad? How can she not see that it's not exactly the best for the kids?

[candreco]

The more I think about this, the more enraged I am for your SS and DH. WTF is this woman thinking? It's just so unfair to your H, and more than that, not in her son's best interest. Would I love to be able to pick up and move somewhere else on a whim? Sure, but I don't because I have kids and consider the impact to them first and foremost.

[Dagny]

My stepdaughter lives 5 hours away (it has been that way since I met H), so if you need to talk anything out or just need someone to bitch with, I'm here.
To be honest, it can be challenging. I mean, it's doable - we do see her almost every other weekend. But as she gets older and into activities, it's gotten harder. I am absolutely sending you all my good vibes that he's able to put a stop to it.

Something else to look into, possibly - I'm not sure what laws are where you live, but I believe in some states it is the resposibility of the leaving parent to do the travelling, meaning that she would have to drive the child 5 hours to you for visits. If she does get permission to move, perhaps this is something you can request, and maybe it'll make her reconsider? (We meet in the middle and I wish we didn't have to!)

I'm sorry you're in this situation. Hugs.

[malibu]

So many hugs and hair pats, Bernadine.

[WOT?*]

May 21, 2015 8:54:05 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

get another lawyer. How can a swimming pool be more important for a child than his/her father?

If she wants a swimming pool, she can move to a damn apartment that has a swimming pool or buy an above-ground or join a gym - there are plenty of options out there that don't involve 5 hour distances - and let DSS see his father.

[Alyssa]

Needing a pool is a ridiculous excuse. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, she sounds like a selfish POS.