Tuesday Randoms!

[jojoandleo]

Jun 23, 2015 11:35:04 GMT -5 calle28 said:

jojoandleo - What a tough situation. I would reach out to her and tell her you care about her and want the best for her. Listen to her and IF she asks for advice, definitely give your opinion.

But deep down, she knows she needs help. Hopefully this is her rock bottom and she gets some intensive therapy.

Thanks. I texted her and she texted back that she is doing "really really really good!" Which, I am like, it's been less than a week. You are NOT doing three reallys worth of good.

[calle28]

Jun 23, 2015 13:28:45 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Jun 23, 2015 11:35:04 GMT -5 calle28 said:

jojoandleo - What a tough situation. I would reach out to her and tell her you care about her and want the best for her. Listen to her and IF she asks for advice, definitely give your opinion.

But deep down, she knows she needs help. Hopefully this is her rock bottom and she gets some intensive therapy.

Thanks. I texted her and she texted back that she is doing "really really really good!" Which, I am like, it's been less than a week. You are NOT doing three reallys worth of good.

Ugh. Sounds like she's still in denial.

[Emerald1486]

jojoandleo I think texting was the best of those. And you are right that she can't really be that good less than a week after attempting. I hope she is able to get truly better.

[Deleted]

jojoandleo I think you did the right thing. As someone who has experienced a ton of ups and downs in terms of mental health, I know that getting the help I need seems impossible at times. Also I tend to way overcompensate once I've had some sort of anxiety or depressive cycle so it doesn't seem "as bad." Deep down I totally know I'm not fine. No realy point to this except to say there really isn't anything you can do and your friend appreciates just knowing you care. It's frustrating for everyone.

My random. I've literally been on the phone with the exception of an hour since 5:30am. It's now 1pm PST and I'm going to be on this call for another 1.5 hours. Gah! I just want to be off the phone and work in peace.

Also update on the guy who ghosted me like a month ago. He texted me last night randomly to apologize for how things ended and that he was sorry for how things ended he hoped I was well. I literally felt nothing when I received it except oh huh. I'm not going to respond. But it's nice I guess that he thought about a month later.

[Deleted]

Jun 23, 2015 15:09:53 GMT -5 mp said:

Jun 23, 2015 15:06:23 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

jojoandleo I think you did the right thing. As someone who has experienced a ton of ups and downs in terms of mental health, I know that getting the help I need seems impossible at times. Also I tend to way overcompensate once I've had some sort of anxiety or depressive cycle so it doesn't seem "as bad." Deep down I totally know I'm not fine. No realy point to this except to say there really isn't anything you can do and your friend appreciates just knowing you care. It's frustrating for everyone.

My random. I've literally been on the phone with the exception of an hour since 5:30am. It's now 1pm PST and I'm going to be on this call for another 1.5 hours. Gah! I just want to be off the phone and work in peace.

Also update on the guy who ghosted me like a month ago. He texted me last night randomly to apologize for how things ended and that he was sorry for how things ended he hoped I was well. I literally felt nothing when I received it except oh huh. I'm not going to respond. But it's nice I guess that he thought about a month later.

Ooh what a dick. Clearly he's feeling guilty and reached out to you in an effort to assuage his guilt.

Yep exactly. I will not give him that. 

[jojoandleo]

Jun 23, 2015 15:09:53 GMT -5 mp said:

Jun 23, 2015 15:06:23 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

jojoandleo I think you did the right thing. As someone who has experienced a ton of ups and downs in terms of mental health, I know that getting the help I need seems impossible at times. Also I tend to way overcompensate once I've had some sort of anxiety or depressive cycle so it doesn't seem "as bad." Deep down I totally know I'm not fine. No realy point to this except to say there really isn't anything you can do and your friend appreciates just knowing you care. It's frustrating for everyone.

My random. I've literally been on the phone with the exception of an hour since 5:30am. It's now 1pm PST and I'm going to be on this call for another 1.5 hours. Gah! I just want to be off the phone and work in peace.

Also update on the guy who ghosted me like a month ago. He texted me last night randomly to apologize for how things ended and that he was sorry for how things ended he hoped I was well. I literally felt nothing when I received it except oh huh. I'm not going to respond. But it's nice I guess that he thought about a month later.

Ooh what a dick. Clearly he's feeling guilty and reached out to you in an effort to assuage his guilt.

Or he wants to feel out a FWB stitch or something.  I have had so many ex-dates try and creep up a month or two later just all, "Heeeeey, how you been?"  Which devolves to "wanna watch a movie?"  I ALREADY KNOW THAT TRICK!  THERE IS NO MOVIE!  Dicks.

[1confused1]

If you're the praying, send good thoughts, etc. type, can you send some my way? I am praying for a raise and right now, after meeting with my boss and talking to some coworkers, things aren't looking that great. I haven't had a raise since 2008 and my job duties have expanded greatly since then, so I am not reaching when I say I deserve one. Thanks in advance.

[jojoandleo]

@pdx18-I think the hardest part for me is KNOWING this is her issue, yet still FEELING like it was selfish. I mean, I know it wasn't. I KNOW that. But when you are the person left behind, it's really hard not to be selfish yourself and all "What about me!?!" Except, in this instance, I'm all "What about your H!?!" I think a part of me is putting my situation with my mom into this. But, it's like, My friend cheated. SHE fucked up. And is now the victim because he wants a divorce? But I know her mind isn't thinking like that. She is upset at herself for what she did and upset about him leaving. I get her thought wasn't that she is the victim. It was that she is depressed and can't find a way out. Knowing and feeling are two different things. It's rough.

[Deleted]

Jun 23, 2015 15:33:23 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Jun 23, 2015 15:09:53 GMT -5 mp said:

Ooh what a dick. Clearly he's feeling guilty and reached out to you in an effort to assuage his guilt.

Or he wants to feel out a FWB stitch or something.  I have had so many ex-dates try and creep up a month or two later just all, "Heeeeey, how you been?"  Which devolves to "wanna watch a movie?"  I ALREADY KNOW THAT TRICK!  THERE IS NO MOVIE!  Dicks.

haha. naaa i dont think so. he wasnt that into the sex

[idahome]

I'm seriously contemplating going to bed soon. Sure it's daylight and only 6 pm, but I'm just in the mood to rest. I think I'm devoting tomorrow morning to cleaning my office. My boss wants to spend time in it next week getting acquainted with my files and im all like: crap, im not organized the way he likes things. Giving 3 weeks of notice is killing me. I'll be a lady who lunches my last week, I think.

[jojoandleo]

TODAY NEEDS TO FUCKING END!

[wampuscat]

Jun 23, 2015 15:05:18 GMT -5 RamblingRose said:

Jun 23, 2015 14:55:04 GMT -5 TR said:

So this trip with A. The first house we wanted to rent was booked so we booked a different one today. It's a good bit more expensive (and awesome) than the first one and I said I didn't think it was in my budget. He said he doesn't mind paying more. Ok then. So I booked it and got a payment request for 25% of the payment now, balance next week (60 days before arrival)

I fwd the email to A bc it had the rental agreement on there and said, “Hey babe! Take a look at this rental agreement and make sure it looks ok to you. Blah blah blah something about the dogs. And let me know how you want to handle the payments, I can make this first one or if you get credit card points or something and want to get those, let me know and I can just give you cash/check or something.”

Next thing I know I get a payment receipt for the first payment. But he didn’t say anything. So now I don’t know what to do! Do I write him a check and see if he cashes it? Hand him cash? If he wants to pay for the whole thing that’s fiiiiiiine with me, but I want to make sure I’m at least LOOKING like I’m really trying to pitch in here. But I don't want to be awkward or insulting to him by bringing it up and trying to give him money too many times.

I travel with TL pretty often, and I just ask him as we plan things what the expectation is. Like for our last trip, it was to see my friends, so I booked the room. And I paid to board my dog, but sometimes he offers to pay for her when I'm on the fence about coming. He paid for food and gas, so I think it worked out close to even in the end.
Anyway, what I'm saying is I just flat out ask how he expects to split things.

This is what NG and I do, too. If it's a trip for something for me (like to see my friends), then I pay for room, gas, and we usually switch off on food costs. If it's a trip for him (to see his family or whatever), he pays for everything. Usually if it's something for the both of us to do, we try to split costs. Like, we went to see a band play out of town and I paid for the room and tickets, and he paid for pretty much everything else. Next week, we're going to the beach, so we'll split things.

[wampuscat]

Jun 23, 2015 18:48:13 GMT -5 TR said:

Jun 23, 2015 17:18:18 GMT -5 wampuscat said:

This is what NG and I do, too. If it's a trip for something for me (like to see my friends), then I pay for room, gas, and we usually switch off on food costs. If it's a trip for him (to see his family or whatever), he pays for everything. Usually if it's something for the both of us to do, we try to split costs. Like, we went to see a band play out of town and I paid for the room and tickets, and he paid for pretty much everything else. Next week, we're going to the beach, so we'll split things.

When you're just doing regular stuff at home, who pays? A pays for EVERYTHING when we're together. Down to giving me $5 when I go get a soda at the soccer games. I think it's partly bc that's how he likes to do things, it's his way of showing his feelings and partly that he makes 3x what I do so it just kind of makes sense. So that's why I'm a little more "what do I doooooo?" Especially since I offered to make the 25% payment and he paid it and ignored my offer.
RamblingRose - same question

We still split things usually. He tries to not let me pay for things, but I'm stubborn as hell. Usually we do it where if he asks me to do something, he'll pay. If I ask him to do something, I try to pay (it sometimes works, sometimes doesn't). We usually only see each other on the weekends. I make at least double what he makes and usually my kid is with us when we go out to dinner or something so I feel like I should be paying for that kind of stuff. Tomorrow night, I suggested a movie date night, just the 2 of us, so I went ahead and reserved our seats and bought the tickets. He'll pay for wine and whatever in the lounge before the movie and most likely dinner afterwards, too. It just depends really. 

Sorry that was long. I would just offer again to pay for part of it and if he refuses, I'd probably just drop it. At least that way he knows that you're willing to chip in every now and then

[1confused1]

Jun 23, 2015 21:36:37 GMT -5 mp said:

Confession : I would like to know what it's like to date a guy that makes more than me. Lol. Perhaps flameful?

It's become one of my new dating standards.  Flameful or not, I make a good salary and I'm tired of being the one who has to pay for everything when I want to do something fun.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Jun 23, 2015 21:36:37 GMT -5 mp said:

Confession : I would like to know what it's like to date a guy that makes more than me. Lol. Perhaps flameful?

It's pretty nice!

Being married to DH, who makes a pretty good salary, is WAAAAYYYYY better than being with XH, who had a hard time just holding a job. It's not even about what he can buy/pay for, it's more about not having to worry about paying for the basics.

[achase123]

I finally got AF after her hiatus last month. Hurray for getting back on track with the right pill. I was happy to see the old gal.

My dads gf was kind of annoying this weekend. I called to wish him a happy Father's Day and she answered his cell phone because he was driving. I guess she couldn't hear me because she kept asking in a really snotty voice "who's this!?" I was thinking "uhhh check the caller ID" but I just kept repeating "hi C, this had A!" When she finally heard me her tone completely changed. Still kind of odd. Then i texted her a cute video of P riding and she never replied. Sometimes I feel like I put in all of the effort with my dad but I guess that's the way it goes

[bl]

jojoandleo I think what you are feeling is normal and while I know she has a mental illness that caused this and I don't know your friend part of me would wonder if she made the attempt know that it would guilt him into staying. I have seen people try to commit suicide solely as a power play and not because they truly believe the world would be better without them/are so sad there is no way out and they want to die. I would be questioning that in this situation.

mp I don't think that's flameful at all. When I filed our taxes the last year exh and I were together I made 70+% of the income for our household (and I don't make 6 figures or anything crazy). Then I went on to date someone who made almost double what I did, had no debt other than rent and his truck. We went to concerts, went to Vegas for a week, football games, could drop $200+ on a night out and it just wasn't a big deal at all. I did pitch in for small portions of stuff, but he grabbed the majority of the tabs Having experienced that I don't need to date someone who makes a ton, but they need to make at least what I make or more. I want to live my life a certain way and I don't want to be the sole one supporting that.

[Emerald1486]

Jun 23, 2015 21:36:37 GMT -5 mp said:

Confession : I would like to know what it's like to date a guy that makes more than me. Lol. Perhaps flameful?

If it is, I'm with you. I have yet to date a guy that makes more than me. 

[achase123]

I think it's cool to be with someone who loves what they do and makes a difference regardless of salary. BF has his masters and works for the university of ca system. Right now I make more than him but my paycheck fluctuates. He's also got amazing benefits. We r discussed if this bothers him and it doesn't at all. He's secure in himself enough to not have a problem if I make more.

[wampuscat]

Jun 23, 2015 21:36:37 GMT -5 mp said:

Confession : I would like to know what it's like to date a guy that makes more than me. Lol. Perhaps flameful?

Definitely not flameful.  I don't think I've ever dated a guy who made more than me.  I would like to know as well