Help me not be a thundercunt

[brookles]

Hmmm. I think you just have to let him try it his own way and then learn from it. So basically, let him fail and then help him when he's ready to listen to you.

Though usually I'd err on the side of being a thundercunt.

[pixy0stix]

I had to wait until DH decided to do it himself, but I had moments of being a thundercunt about it. Then the bastards loses 50lbs like it was nothing. I may be bitter.

[KateAggie]

May 16, 2012 14:22:23 GMT -5 brookles said:

Hmmm. I think you just have to let him try it his own way and then learn from it. So basically, let him fail and then help him when he's ready to listen to you.

Though usually I'd err on the side of being a thundercunt.

Brookles is wise.

Have you asked him what you can do to motivate/help him? If he'll give you some guidance he can't complain when you encourage him under the boundaries he set.

[secretlyevil]

What they both said. Your H has to want to do it before anything will happen. Me I'm a bit of a harpy myself but my H is like a stick and can eat whatever he wants. I LOL at him when he whines about gaining five lbs. because it's gone in two days. He sucks. Yea, I'm bitter.

[emmybean]

Well, I'd be the Thundercunt and make comments about it all the damn time.

I'd also refuse to cook anything other than what I (and the kids') need to eat. If you are making separate meals for him or buying him food he "shouldn't" be eating THAT has to stop.

But really, you can't make him do anything. All you can do is tell him that you aren't going to help him stay fat and in shitty shape and keep consistent on that, and on offering to support him when he's ready. You can't do it for him---it will just lead to resentment.

[pescalita]

Yeah, he has to get there on his own. You know how thundercuntish people sound on Fat Tuesday when they say to just eat smaller portions and walk more? It's different because you're his wife, but not by a lot.

Is he counting calories to get to this 1800? Men can have whacked ideas of what is "low calorie" (not that women can't). If so, he'll figure out that the cereal is more than he thought.

[earlgreyhot]

Agree with Brookles.

The other thing is to really think about his diet. For my DH, calorie restriction doesn't work, but cutting all carbs (and eating has much salad and meat as he wants) does. Not that he does that either, but oh well.

[charminglife]

Who grocery shops in your house? You could slowly start eliminating the unhealthy snacks that you have around the house (things like soda, chips, etc.) Other than that - I don't know if there's much you can do.

Would he be motivated to get healthier for your kids? What if your daughter asks him to run around in the yard with her, will that get him moving and burning some calories?

[zelda25]

I don't know, but I'm looking forward to seeing some of the replies; I'm dealing with something similar with my H. He's not super-overweight (yet), but he's packed on a good 30lbs in the past year. AND he has a congenital heart defect--repaired, but still--he needs to take care of himself. He whines all the time about all the weight he's put on, and then he gets Carl's Jr. for lunch.

Yesterday I packed lunches for both of us, which he "forgot" to take with him, so he went to Panda Express for lunch.

Aaaand I just threadjacked you, major--sorry.

[One Girl In All The World]

May 16, 2012 14:27:19 GMT -5 secretlyevil said:

What they both said. Your H has to want to do it before anything will happen. Me I'm a bit of a harpy myself but my H is like a stick and can eat whatever he wants. I LOL at him when he whines about gaining five lbs. because it's gone in two days. He sucks. Yea, I'm bitter.

I think we must have the same husband.

[soontobeka]

My husband is good with the gym but sucks at his diet. I used to not say anything but I got tired of him eating bowls of cereal and then complaining that he needed to lose weight so I now just call him on it. So I tend to go the thundercunt route but it works for both of us. He can sometimes get mad at me for saying something but he admits that it helps him stay on track.

[emilyj]

Agree with everyone else - he has to want to do it on his own. I would ask him what he needs from you (ie, "What can I do to help you, or how can I support you?") and then go with whatever he says. If he says "Nothing" then let him do it on his own - and either succeed or fail.

I would have a hard time not being bitchy about it though, so I understand where you're coming from. Also, WTF is the 1800 calorie "diet"? Is it even something reasonable?

[emmybean]

Then you have to just let him do his thing. Cook healthy meals, buy enough healthy food for the week, and let him do the rest. Trying to do more isn't going to get you anywhere.

[marie427]

Ditto Emmy. He's going to have to get to that point himself even if the cereal thing continues to go on. It sucks watching that happen, but nagging doesn't help either.

EGH also has a great point about cutting out specific foods. H is the same way with carbs - when he cuts them, the weight slides right off even if he isn't counting calories.

[msmerymac]

I would suggest tracking calories on something like Sparkpeople.com. Those 2 bowls of cereal with milk were probably 500 calories+, combined. Sometimes people really don't see what they're eating until they track. I know personal trainers and fitness fiends who still track, even after being super in shape for years. It's just what they need to do.

I assume you have a food scale, so I'd leave it out on the counter. Portion things appropriately for his lunch, if you pack that. 1 ounce of the baked chips, 1 slice of cheese on a sandwich. If you feel like it, maybe leave a slip of paper with the calorie totals of his lunch in his lunch bag.

Other than that, I'd stop talking about it until he does something or changes on his own. But I'd give it one last push before I felt like I was just being a nag.

[basilosaurus]

Does he track his calories? Does he know if he's following the 1800 calories?

H liked my fitness pal. Not that he followed it after a few days, but it helped him see how much he was consuming and when/where.

[basilosaurus]

But is he aware of the tools to help him track?

[dev22]

He has to want to do it - and no amount of niceness or thundercuntness from you is going to change that. Actually, if someone is dickish to me about something, it kind of makes me want to do the opposite of what they want lol

[ringstrue]

If you come up with any revelations, let me know. DH is basically the same way and has every excuse in the book.

I say hold off on the thundercunt. He sounds in a funk and he'll take those words and hold them against you in a funk-fest.

If he is a meat and potatoes sort of guy, I dunno what your diet has to be like, but I say give him bigger portions of the meat and other fat/fiber rich fulling stuff, and smaller portions of the carby stuff. That way he'll fill up and stay full longer.

What's worked for me is to make it about "omg look at this awesome grilling book I have!" and try new recipes in cooking styles he likes. He will be much more into your meal ideas and more likely to eat too much of the right things that way.

Does he drink coke? Try to switch to Zevia - its good and its often found in the Diabetes/Gluten free sections.

[ringstrue]

Does he has any phobias? I was able to successfully get us off of scoops tortilla chips by showing my fear of GMOs. It worked via his hypochondriac-ness, lol.