Don't Gloat About Ashley Madison Leak

[asdfjkl]

Aug 20, 2015 9:32:38 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

Yeah, as much schadenfreude as I feel over Josh Duggar, I really can't say that it's anyone's business who is on AM. While using your work email is stupid (and likely a misuse of company resources), I don't think that people should lose their jobs or reputation over having once signed up for AM. Either as "research," for fun, at a low point in your relationship, or because you are a cheater cheater pumpkin eater. That's your personal business. Aside from myself and my spouse, it affects me not at all if anyone else is actually on that site, having affairs.

I wish I could be this grown up about it.  But I have worked with predominantly men over the years, a handful of them I really admire.  I have to admit, I would be deeply, deeply disappointed to find out that they had some AM profile where they consistently have your/you're confusion and indicate a desire for a "hot, sexy, sugar babe."  

[asdfjkl]

Aug 20, 2015 9:35:27 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Aug 20, 2015 9:19:16 GMT -5 theoriginalbean said:

Have any of you read "So You've Been Publicly Shamed?" I feel like the internet has turned us into mob and pitchfork and public whippings, all over again, which is what the book talks about. I'm sad for the kids and spouses who have to go through this in such a public manner (I say that as my dad cheated on my mom with her BFF, and I went to school with HER kids, and had to deal with whispers and rumors, it effing sucks).

I'm greatly disturbed by the lack of data security. I don't know what the answer is. I'm a HIPAA security officer person and data is my thing, so I don't like the relative ease with which things like this have been happening.

Are people IRL talking about this data leak? I haven't heard anything about it except on these boards.

I bet there will be a TON of priests on these websites.  I'd think that will get some press.  

[theoriginalbean]

Aug 20, 2015 9:35:27 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Aug 20, 2015 9:19:16 GMT -5 theoriginalbean said:

Have any of you read "So You've Been Publicly Shamed?" I feel like the internet has turned us into mob and pitchfork and public whippings, all over again, which is what the book talks about. I'm sad for the kids and spouses who have to go through this in such a public manner (I say that as my dad cheated on my mom with her BFF, and I went to school with HER kids, and had to deal with whispers and rumors, it effing sucks).

I'm greatly disturbed by the lack of data security. I don't know what the answer is. I'm a HIPAA security officer person and data is my thing, so I don't like the relative ease with which things like this have been happening.

Are people IRL talking about this data leak? I haven't heard anything about it except on these boards.

My home board is Cincy/NKY, since that's where I lived until recently, and after that KY twitter feed went up it became big discussion fodder.

[ESF]

Aug 20, 2015 9:24:55 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Aug 20, 2015 9:19:16 GMT -5 theoriginalbean said:

Have any of you read "So You've Been Publicly Shamed?" I feel like the internet has turned us into mob and pitchfork and public whippings, all over again, which is what the book talks about. I'm sad for the kids and spouses who have to go through this in such a public manner (I say that as my dad cheated on my mom with her BFF, and I went to school with HER kids, and had to deal with whispers and rumors, it effing sucks).

I'm greatly disturbed by the lack of data security. I don't know what the answer is. I'm a HIPAA security officer person and data is my thing, so I don't like the relative ease with which things like this have been happening.

I do think nuance has been lost.  Not that cheating in any form is okay, or acceptable; but a data dump like this negates the damage it can do to people in open marriages, or people whose spouses are on it who may lose a pension or their job as a result.  There's a lot of collateral damage from something like this.  

Right. Most people probably aren't better off being kept in the dark about their spouse's extra marital diddling. But the loss of a pension or job could actually force them to have to stay married to the guy. There's a reason this stuff should be private.

[bowies]

Aug 20, 2015 9:08:48 GMT -5 asdfjkl said:

Aug 20, 2015 9:03:01 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Does anyone here know if the people who claim they signed up just out of curiosity about the site itself actually have to pay? Or was there some level of free membership? Not every name/email in the data dump contained credit card info, correct?

My understanding is that there is a "free" membership, that lets you "peruse".   But if you want to make contact with a member or post a profile of yourself, you're going to have to throw down a CC with a name attached to it.  I could be wrong though.  I was reading about that issue this morning and that's what I understood from it.  You have to pay to play, but not to look.

This is correct.

[downtoearth]

Aug 20, 2015 7:30:48 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Aug 20, 2015 7:20:56 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Are they trying to mansplain this?

What do you mean?  I think this piece has some eyebrow-raising hyperbole, but I've been pissed about the security implications from the start.  If this had been, say, an online version of Alcoholics Anonymous, we'd all be enraged about the invasion of privacy and lack of security.

Good point. It's accepted b/c it was a site for committed people to cheat. But if it were just for another organization, we would not be happy.

Oh and does AA have an online list b/c I'm pretty sure they don't, right?  I mean maybe the higher ups phones have mostly AA people, but I don't think there is a list. But I think of it like if Betty Ford was hacked and we got to see who and what addictions everyone had who had paid to go there.

[NitaX]

I hear what you are saying - but all I hear is my grandma "What's done in the dark will come to the light."

[Chirp]

Aug 20, 2015 9:59:51 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Aug 20, 2015 9:41:50 GMT -5 asdfjkl said:

I bet there will be a TON of priests on these websites.  I'd think that will get some press.  

Don't get me wrong, this would make me INSANE WITH GIDDY GLEE, and I don't doubt that priests use the web to find sex partners, but something tells me that Ashley Madison isn't the site they'd choose. I mean, anything is possible. But I bet they stick to Craigslist, lol.

Christian Mingle

[savan]

When all the data was released I cracked my knuckles and got ready to enter the name/email of everyone I knew. Yet, when I pulled up the screen I couldn't do it. I searched a few ex-boyfriends and DH and I, but that was it. I realized that I don't want to know if my family member or friend's husband/wife had an account. I can not un-know these things and I don't want to spend the rest of my life viewing them through this lens. I also don't want the uncomfortable feeling of wondering whether their spouse bothered to look them up and discovered it. This is just too personal for me.

Of course none of this stopped me from feeling giddy about the Josh Duggar discovery. He chose to lead a public life and has to deal with the consequences.

[heyjude]

I have refused to look up friends. I don't care. And I frankly don't want to know.

[sangria]

Aug 20, 2015 8:43:06 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Aug 20, 2015 8:41:03 GMT -5 deej said:

So much of our lives are online these days, and it makes me nervous that no company is as secure as they say.

Including the government, which is the endgame in all this it feels like.

This is the absolute most frightening thing in this thread. 

[cookiemdough]

Questionable decisions have consequences.

[pixy0stix]

Aug 20, 2015 11:07:32 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Aug 20, 2015 11:00:25 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

Questionable decisions have consequences.

Okay, but what's a questionable decision?  And what degree of consequence?  I don't think you can make a blanket "punishment" like this for everyone involved.  The guy in the military with the open marriage probably doesn't deserve to be court-martialed or lose his pension or whatever, and have his private life thrown into the public limelight.

Actually, doesn't he? It's under the rules of conduct. The military very much has a right to your private life.

[heyjude]

I wonder how many people use Ashley Madson who are in open relationships. I thought the whole point was to middleman illicit affairs between marrieds?

[meshaliuknits]

Aug 20, 2015 11:26:02 GMT -5 heyjude said:

I wonder how many people use Ashley Madson who are in open relationships. I thought the whole point was to middleman illicit affairs between marrieds?

I feel like there's gotta be a site for that.

[heyjude]

...also anyone have "do you like Pena coladas" song stuck in their head after reading all this?

[heyjude]

Aug 20, 2015 11:27:29 GMT -5 meshaliuknits said:

Aug 20, 2015 11:26:02 GMT -5 heyjude said:

I wonder how many people use Ashley Madson who are in open relationships. I thought the whole point was to middleman illicit affairs between marrieds?

I feel like there's gotta be a site for that.

I think there are whole conventions for this!!

[emilyj]

Aug 20, 2015 11:19:45 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Aug 20, 2015 11:07:32 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Okay, but what's a questionable decision?  And what degree of consequence?  I don't think you can make a blanket "punishment" like this for everyone involved.  The guy in the military with the open marriage probably doesn't deserve to be court-martialed or lose his pension or whatever, and have his private life thrown into the public limelight.

Actually, doesn't he? It's under the rules of conduct. The military very much has a right to your private life.

I asked my friend who is a Major (Army) what the implications were.  He said  technically, yes, the person would be punished for this because it violates the code of conduct.  However, that would mean the military would have to care, and he doesn't think this is something they'll get it up over.  At least in his area. 

[msmerymac]

Aug 20, 2015 9:59:51 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Aug 20, 2015 9:41:50 GMT -5 asdfjkl said:

I bet there will be a TON of priests on these websites.  I'd think that will get some press.  

Don't get me wrong, this would make me INSANE WITH GIDDY GLEE, and I don't doubt that priests use the web to find sex partners, but something tells me that Ashley Madison isn't the site they'd choose. I mean, anything is possible. But I bet they stick to Craigslist, lol.

Grindr

[msmerymac]

Aug 20, 2015 11:26:02 GMT -5 heyjude said:

I wonder how many people use Ashley Madson who are in open relationships. I thought the whole point was to middleman illicit affairs between marrieds?

I suppose it makes more sense to use Ashley Madison than, say, EHarmony or something. AM is a site where you assume someone is married, so the person you find won't have a problem with it, open relationship or not. I think the percentage of people on Match who would be cool dating a married person is probably significantly lower. 

[LadySusan]

Aug 20, 2015 7:14:51 GMT -5 IIOY said:

“Here were tens of millions of people expecting the highest level of privacy that the commercial web could offer as they conducted business they likely wanted to keep between two people. This hack could be ruinous — personally, professionally, financially — for them and their families. But for everyone else, it could haunt every email, private message, text and transaction across an internet where privacy has been taken for granted.”



In other words, the Ashley Madison leak is about a lot more than infidelity. And the information the Impact Team just unleashed onto the Internet is more than an amusing sex scandal.

"This is not a safe place!"

Always a good reminder.

[alleinesein]

Aug 20, 2015 11:27:29 GMT -5 meshaliuknits said:

Aug 20, 2015 11:26:02 GMT -5 heyjude said:

I wonder how many people use Ashley Madson who are in open relationships. I thought the whole point was to middleman illicit affairs between marrieds?

I feel like there's gotta be a site for that.

Fetlife has quite a few married couples looking for playmates.  The people I know with open relationships find people on there; they don't need a pay site to get laid.