Germany urges pedos out of shadows

[summer]

www.bbc.com/news/magazine-33464970

Some men who are sexually attracted to children would like help to change their condition but fear doctors will tell the police. In Germany, though, a campaign is under way to persuade them to sign up for confidential treatment, even if they have abused a child - and doctors are hailing it as a big success.

Max is a science graduate, in his early thirties. Articulate, with a ready smile and an infectious laugh. He could be your neighbour, your work colleague or your sister's new boyfriend. A nice guy. An average bloke. Except he's also a paedophile.

Max is sexually attracted to pre-pubescent girls — typically between the ages of six and 11. It's an urge that for years filled him with self-loathing and despair.

"I would see a girl, and I would undress the girl in my mind, and it was just disgusting, and I'd say to myself: 'Stop this.' And it just wouldn't stop. I had feelings of disgust and fear," he says.

Max has never abused a child sexually, nor does he consume child pornography — itself a form of indirect abuse, because children are usually involved in its production. In fact Max is just one of many people who feel an attraction to children, but who are determined not to act on it.

They are sometimes called celibate or "virtuous" paedophiles. The word "paedophilia" describes the sexual attraction, not the abuse itself, so not all paedophiles are child abusers - and not all child abusers are paedophiles, experts say, since abuse sometimes has other root causes.

Celibate paedophiles are a hidden segment of the population. They have never committed an offence, so are unknown to the police. And because of the taboo - and the fear of violence from people who think they are child abusers - they usually keep their attraction secret.

It's a much bigger group than you might think. Recent research suggests that between 3% and 5% of men, from all social and economic backgrounds, could be sexually attracted to children. Some are attracted only to girls. Others only to boys. Others to both. And some are also attracted to adults.

"I don't have greasy hair, pebble glasses and wear tatty clothes," writes Max in a book he has published to help other paedophiles who don't want to abuse children. "There is no such thing as the typical paedophile which people imagine. We are all different, and completely normal people. The only thing we all have in common is a sexual attraction to children… I am learning to control the sexual side of my feelings."

He's doing that partly thanks to a radical treatment for paedophiles called the Dunkelfeld Prevention Project, which is in operation at 11 different centres across Germany.

For a year he attended group therapy, three hours every week.

"It was very painful," he tells me. "It was about getting to know a side of myself that I had hidden, a side that I didn't like to think about. It's painful to acknowledge that you are a paedophile. It was like standing in front of a mirror, and on the one hand thinking: 'What kind of a monster are you?' But it was also very healthy to stand in front of the mirror and say: 'I'm a paedophile, but that's OK, I won't do anything bad.'

"A very important thing is acceptance. To be able to think and feel that paedophilia is a part of me, but it's not what defines me. My actions are what define me."

The treatment is a form of cognitive behavioural therapy which analyses past sexual behaviour and feelings, in order to come up with strategies to avoid potentially abusive situations in the future. Some practical advice is very simple, such as never being alone with a child. Other tactics are more complicated, and involve changing attitudes, for example helping the patient to grasp that sexual contact with children can never be consensual.

Controversially, the treatment is also available for men who have abused children in the past — even if that abuse has gone unreported.

So what does a therapist do if a patient says he has abused a child?

"If he comes to us and says, 'I have done something illegal in the past and don't want to do it again,' and that's the normal case for us, then we can help him to build up his self-regulatory behaviour to not do that again," says clinical psychologist and sexologist Anna Konrad of the Charite hospital in Berlin.

But surely, I suggest, it's difficult to sit opposite a man who has abused children and try to help him?

"The main aim of the project is to protect children from being abused, and if I can help the person not to do that again, then for me it's quite clear that I should do that," she says.

In Germany, therapists are not only not obliged to report past abuse to the authorities, it is illegal to violate the principle of patient confidentiality - unlike in Britain, where therapists have a duty to report.

The British approach makes it extremely difficult to treat someone properly, Konrad says. The past behaviour of abusers can't be analysed effectively, and paedophiles rarely come forward for treatment in the first place because of the fear of arrest - if they have committed a crime they are right to be afraid, and even if they haven't they may still consider it too risky.

Max agrees with this.

"A treatment like this can prevent the first offence. Criminalisation — if it works very, very well, and it usually doesn't — can only prevent the second offence," he says.

More than 430 men have started the treatment. And because of a lack of places, there are long waiting lists. Since it was first set up in 2005 more than 5,350 people have contacted the network for advice or to find out more about the therapy. Anna Konrad says patients are asked to fill in a questionnaire at the start of the treatment and at the end - and that a comparison of the two suggests the success rate is good.

There is even a national advertising campaign to tell paedophiles about the treatment.

Media caption"I always knew that I was different, and it's obvious what others think about people like me..."

"I always knew that I was different, and what others thought about people like me," say masked men in a television commercial — one dressed as a doctor, another as a workman, another as a student.

"No-one is guilty because of their sexual inclination — but everyone is responsible for their behaviour," says the final young man as he takes the mask off, adding: "I don't want to become an offender."

The tagline of another ad says: "Do you love children more than you'd like to? There is help."

Media caption"Do you love children, more than you'd like to? There is help."

The idea behind the policy is not to help the perpetrator instead of the victim — but rather to help the potential perpetrator, in order to prevent there being a victim in the first place

[ttt]

:-# :-# :-#

[summer]

Sept 4, 2015 16:59:34 GMT -5 ttt said:

:-# :-# :-#

I know. In light of that other epic thread, I hope pixy can delete this if things go south overnight here and i miss it. I know this has the potential to be no bueno.

[ttt]

Sept 4, 2015 17:07:29 GMT -5 summer said:

Sept 4, 2015 16:59:34 GMT -5 ttt said:

:-# :-# :-#

I know. In light of that other epic thread, I hope pixy can delete this if things go south overnight here and i miss it. I know this has the potential to be no bueno.

I mean, I just don't know how I feel about this. If this is truly a brain wiring problem that people cannot help and would change if they could, then I do want these people to get help. And frankly, anything to prevent them from ever touching a child is good. I hope that there are researchers working on how to change their brains and eliminate this urge to hurt children. 

But....I am having a very hard time overcoming my visceral reaction of horror and disgust. And I am very much afraid of anything that gives even the remotest bit of 'legitimacy' if that makes sense. 

[pixy0stix]

I won't be around tonight, but if things get out of hand either txt me or report the whole thread. A global mod will get it.

I *hope* people can contain their curiosity.

[twohearted]

Could this give legitimacy to groups trying to teach people how to suppress homosexuality?

[omgzombies]

I'm not sure how I feel about the lack of reporting. That feels incredibly wrong to me. You want to help someone continue to make good choices, and figure out the best strategies for avoiding situations, that makes sense to me. I certainly think people need a safe space to talk through their issues. However ignoring someone when they tell you that they have not only thought about hurting someone, but acted on it, just seems morally reprehensible.

[sweetpea508]

This idea intrigues me because it makes sense but it's still so much of a gray area. I have always believed that being a pedo is its own sexual orientation, which to me makes it somewhat untreatable because how do you stop that innate attraction. But I can see this at least being somewhat beneficial to give them coping skills so that they may not have as many victims, if any I guess. But the not reporting things bothers me.

[orriskitten]

Maybe I missed it in the article, but I would wonder about reporting someone who might be close to doing something bad? If someone gets honest enough and seems a risk, I sincerely hope the therapists can and will report it. But then again, could anything be done for someone who has intent? It's so tough.

I do think the help for people to prevent acts from happening is good. I am sure there is more to the program than what is in this article. If something like this can help a child or multiple children, then I am glad it exists.

[alexis]

Sept 5, 2015 13:27:19 GMT -5 omgzombies said:

I'm not sure how I feel about the lack of reporting. That feels incredibly wrong to me. You want to help someone continue to make good choices, and figure out the best strategies for avoiding situations, that makes sense to me. I certainly think people need a safe space to talk through their issues. However ignoring someone when they tell you that they have not only thought about hurting someone, but acted on it, just seems morally reprehensible.

I've had trouble with this too. I really, really want anyone who abuses a child to be reported and face justice. However, if I step back, I can see why this is better even though it's repellant.

Presumably if someone is seeking out therapy and admits to abusing a child, he hasn't been caught. With therapists not being required to report, the abuser can seek therapy, hopefully it is successful and the abuser doesn't victimize more children. Or, if all therapists are mandated reporters, the abuser never seeks help and most likely continues to abuse children throughout his life. Either way the abuser is not caught, but one way the number of victims is reduced.

It doesn't make me happy to think about, but it is pragmatic. I also assume that if the abuser is found out some other way, he will still face the justice system regardless of the fact that he sought out therapy.

I actually don't see how this system changes things for the so called "chaste" pedophiles. If they've never abused or had sexual contact with a child or consumed child pornography, then what crime have they committed? It seems like they would be able to seek out help without fear because what is there for a therapist to report?

[tiramisu]

I'm conflicted about the not reporting, but I all-day understand it. I'm glad there is a program working to help these people and help them avoid ever harming a child (or *another* child). It is a different way of protecting children.

Here in the US, even though therapists are mandated reporters there are many things for which we cannot break confidentiality. If someone tells me they want to go severely beat up a specific person, I have to report that; if they tell me that in the past they beat someone badly, I cannot report that (unless it's a child). It makes therapy a safer space to learn how not to do those things in the future. So I'm conflicted but I understand it. I just know I couldn't work in a program like that.

[zoegirltx]

This is such a complicated, no-win situation for everybody. I don't know that there is a perfect answer, but I like that it does attempt to address & help those with addictions. I'm a big believer in meeting people where they are & giving them whatever tools they may need. Not that this is a perfect comparison to the needle exchange programs or methadone clinics, but I see it as similar in that we acknowledge the problem is beyond a simple solution & society may need to intervene in ways that we're not comfortable with in order to at least mitigate additional damage/pain/suffering/abuse.

[twohearted]

I want to see people punished for abusing children, but I think protecting children is more important than punishing. So in the end my feelings depend on how well this actually works.

Is the purpose of mandatory reporting to protect children from future abuse or to make sure horrific crimes don't go unpunished?

[hopecounts]

If this counseling works to keep them from hurting children (or more children) as much as I want anyone who hurt a child to pay I am reluctantly willing to make this exchange.
Unfortunately there is no good solution to this problem and if this works it may be the best we can do to protect children as a group even if it means some crimes go unpunished.

[anonymous]

Sept 6, 2015 12:40:52 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

I'm conflicted about the not reporting, but I all-day understand it. I'm glad there is a program working to help these people and help them avoid ever harming a child (or *another* child). It is a different way of protecting children.

Here in the US, even though therapists are mandated reporters there are many things for which we cannot break confidentiality. If someone tells me they want to go severely beat up a specific person, I have to report that; if they tell me that in the past they beat someone badly, I cannot report that (unless it's a child). It makes therapy a safer space to learn how not to do those things in the future. So I'm conflicted but I understand it. I just know I couldn't work in a program like that.

Question. If a teenager tells his therapist he abused a child, is his therapist a mandatory reporter? Does it depend on the state?

[tiramisu]

Sept 6, 2015 21:46:21 GMT -5 anonymous said:

Sept 6, 2015 12:40:52 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

I'm conflicted about the not reporting, but I all-day understand it. I'm glad there is a program working to help these people and help them avoid ever harming a child (or *another* child). It is a different way of protecting children.

Here in the US, even though therapists are mandated reporters there are many things for which we cannot break confidentiality. If someone tells me they want to go severely beat up a specific person, I have to report that; if they tell me that in the past they beat someone badly, I cannot report that (unless it's a child). It makes therapy a safer space to learn how not to do those things in the future. So I'm conflicted but I understand it. I just know I couldn't work in a program like that.

Question. If a teenager tells his therapist he abused a child, is his therapist a mandatory reporter? Does it depend on the state?

I don't know what the laws are in other states. In mine, if anyone admits to abusing a child I am mandated to report it. Also elder abuse or dependent adult abuse. So that would be the caveat for if someone told me they beat a child, a dependent adult, or an elderly person.

[anonymous]

Sept 6, 2015 21:58:38 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

Sept 6, 2015 21:46:21 GMT -5 anonymous said:

Question. If a teenager tells his therapist he abused a child, is his therapist a mandatory reporter? Does it depend on the state?

I don't know what the laws are in other states. In mine, if anyone admits to abusing a child I am mandated to report it. Also elder abuse or dependent adult abuse. So that would be the caveat for if someone told me they beat a child, a dependent adult, or an elderly person.

Thanks for responding. I wish this person's therapist would have to report.

[bimbi284]

Sept 6, 2015 21:46:21 GMT -5 anonymous said:

Sept 6, 2015 12:40:52 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

I'm conflicted about the not reporting, but I all-day understand it. I'm glad there is a program working to help these people and help them avoid ever harming a child (or *another* child). It is a different way of protecting children.

Here in the US, even though therapists are mandated reporters there are many things for which we cannot break confidentiality. If someone tells me they want to go severely beat up a specific person, I have to report that; if they tell me that in the past they beat someone badly, I cannot report that (unless it's a child). It makes therapy a safer space to learn how not to do those things in the future. So I'm conflicted but I understand it. I just know I couldn't work in a program like that.

Question. If a teenager tells his therapist he abused a child, is his therapist a mandatory reporter? Does it depend on the state?

I don't think it depends on the state. That's reportable. In IL, WI, and MN anyway. Aside from law, we also have to abide by the ethics code, and based on that, this is reportable.

[tiramisu]

Sept 6, 2015 20:14:02 GMT -5 twohearted said:

I want to see people punished for abusing children, but I think protecting children is more important than punishing. So in the end my feelings depend on how well this actually works.

Is the purpose of mandatory reporting to protect children from future abuse or to make sure horrific crimes don't go unpunished?

My understanding is that it is to protect people from harm/further harm.

[anonymous]

Sept 7, 2015 0:36:12 GMT -5 bimbi284 said:

Sept 6, 2015 21:46:21 GMT -5 anonymous said:

Question. If a teenager tells his therapist he abused a child, is his therapist a mandatory reporter? Does it depend on the state?

I don't think it depends on the state. That's reportable. In IL, WI, and MN anyway. Aside from law, we also have to abide by the ethics code, and based on that, this is reportable.

Thanks. I don't think any reporting has happened.

[tiramisu]

Sept 7, 2015 6:32:35 GMT -5 anonymous said:

Sept 7, 2015 0:36:12 GMT -5 bimbi284 said:

I don't think it depends on the state. That's reportable. In IL, WI, and MN anyway. Aside from law, we also have to abide by the ethics code, and based on that, this is reportable.

Thanks. I don't think any reporting has happened.

It sounds like you're talking about a specific situation IRL. If the therapist reported to CPS/CWS, it may take some time for them to get a social worker assigned to investigate and then to look into it. I've seen investigations take quite a while. The level of intervention would also depend on the type of abuse reported and the frequency (if known).

If it's "my brother [also a teenager] and I were fighting and I punched him hard enough to give him a bloody nose" the response would be very different than "my 3 year old brother was irritating me because he wouldn't leave me alone and kept taking my stuff so I punched him hard enough to give him a bloody nose."

[stephreloaded]

Being a therapist of this program is a job that I would not like to have. I'm sure they have to show compassion for this people and this doesn't have to be an easy task.

I would love to see the results of the program because as scary as it looks, it does make sense.

[anonymous]

Sept 7, 2015 10:27:43 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

Sept 7, 2015 6:32:35 GMT -5 anonymous said:

Thanks. I don't think any reporting has happened.

It sounds like you're talking about a specific situation IRL. If the therapist reported to CPS/CWS, it may take some time for them to get a social worker assigned to investigate and then to look into it. I've seen investigations take quite a while. The level of intervention would also depend on the type of abuse reported and the frequency (if known).

If it's "my brother [also a teenager] and I were fighting and I punched him hard enough to give him a bloody nose" the response would be very different than "my 3 year old brother was irritating me because he wouldn't leave me alone and kept taking my stuff so I punched him hard enough to give him a bloody nose."

Yes it's specific and very serious

[tiramisu]

Sept 7, 2015 11:30:06 GMT -5 anonymous said:

Sept 7, 2015 10:27:43 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

It sounds like you're talking about a specific situation IRL. If the therapist reported to CPS/CWS, it may take some time for them to get a social worker assigned to investigate and then to look into it. I've seen investigations take quite a while. The level of intervention would also depend on the type of abuse reported and the frequency (if known).

If it's "my brother [also a teenager] and I were fighting and I punched him hard enough to give him a bloody nose" the response would be very different than "my 3 year old brother was irritating me because he wouldn't leave me alone and kept taking my stuff so I punched him hard enough to give him a bloody nose."

Yes it's specific and very serious

Around here things can be reported to law enforcement as well and anyone can file a CPS report.  I wish I could offer some help with this situation.  I'm sorry.

[anonymous]

Sept 7, 2015 12:17:58 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

Sept 7, 2015 11:30:06 GMT -5 anonymous said:

Yes it's specific and very serious

Around here things can be reported to law enforcement as well and anyone can file a CPS report.  I wish I could offer some help with this situation.  I'm sorry.

That's okay-thank you for taking about it.