Child free vs childless

[whatnext]

I'm child free by choice/circumstances but the below article got me into a heated debate with someone around using childless to describe those of us without children. I prefer child free as I'm not less because I don't have any. Usually I couldn't care but after a few recent comments about how I was apparently less I decided child free is my preference and others shouldn't really get to define what annoys me. Thoughts? From both sides? Feel free to tell me to get over myself.

mobile.nytimes.com/2015/09/20/opinion/sunday/a-toxic-work-world.html?referrer=

[kirra]

I'm not sure why you think childless is negative. The suffix -less means "without" or "not doing, not affected by." So without children.

I prefer childless. Childless makes as much sense as English grammar ever does. Child free is based on a social movement.

But then, I tend to have issues with people who are militant about using child free. I've been told by too many that we're not really child free because we might have had kids if it weren't for medical problems.

[mrsukyankee]

Honestly, I don't care. I'm without child due to not being able to have them. So, I'm both child free and childless. I don't think of either as a negative or a positive. I also don't see childless as something that negatives your choice. I just tell people that I don't have a kid, will never have a kid and I'm fine with that (cause I am at this point and, in fact, quite happy with my dog baby) - how they choose to interpret it is their thing.

[awick14]

I personally don't like the term childless, because for people like me who don't have any children on this earth but who have been through multiple pregnancy losses, it hurts. It makes me feel like my babies don't matter. Most people that have called me childless have no idea about my history and I know they aren't saying it to be hurtful but it is. So I choose not to call people childless, but I also don't call people child free either.
*i didn't read the article just going off of the first few posts.

[WOT?*]

awick14, I hope we can call you Mother soon. Here's to a sticky zygote.

I don't have a hat in this ring since I'm neither but I generally say "don't have kids" because it doesn't even occur to me that they're child-free or childless. The PC police bypassed me on this one. I'm sure I've probably blindly said one or the other without thinking about it. And now I'll be one of those nervous nellies hoping I don't say the wrong thing and hurt someone.

[awick14]

Thanx WOT?*.

I know when people normally say those terms they don't mean anything by it but it still hurts. (It's not something I would say anything about though.) When referring to people with out children I normally just say so and so don't have kids. I'm not sure why but that seems better then child free or childless.

[whatnext]

I am happy to wear that I am being overly sensitive. It is only just a recent thing. But I've had so many comments recently about how I am less or my life is less without children that I am over it.

[secretlyevil]

Meh, sae la ve

[Vespasia]

generally I use child-free because of the connotation that it was intentional. Many people I know are struggling to have children and I do not want sympathy for something we did on purpose. 

I have never thought that childless implied less than, just that it could meant that you didn't have children either by choice or against your wishes. 

[sushi]

I prefer child free. Less has a negative connotation. There's nothing negative about my life

[mrsukyankee]

Sept 22, 2015 2:02:51 GMT -5 whatnext said:

I am happy to wear that I am being overly sensitive. It is only just a recent thing. But I've had so many comments recently about how I am less or my life is less without children that I am over it.

Anyone who says anything that horrible is awful.  I would not want THEM to bring life into the world to share these thoughts.  You are not less for not having children.

[josieposy]

As a general rule I prefer not to use either term. That isn't for fear of insulting someone so much as hating the idea that having or not having children is a woman's primary defining characteristic.

[KateAggie]

I think the person it affects (you) gets to decide how someone refers to you. And I think arguing semantics when you're not the one being labeled is douchey.

[RoxMonster]

I guess I typically say childfree? If I use either one. But more often than not, what I really say is "I don't have kids." I guess in Internet discussions I type "CFBC" (child free by choice) because the acronym is faster to type and it's a pretty well-known acronym online.

It's interesting, OP, that you say people have been giving you a hard time because you have been using childfree. I have read some Internet discussions on various websites where people have been angry that those who choose to not have children (vs. those who want children and are unable to have them) use childless. They thought childfree implied a choice and that those who made the choice vs. didn't want to but were forced into not having kids should not identify as "childless."

I am not going to tell someone going through IF what to say or feel. I have never been in that situation and my heart hurts for people who want children so badly and cannot have them. Having said that, I think of the terms as more interchangeable and don't personally see one as offensive. But this is why I typically try and refrain from using either.

[lg28]

Sept 22, 2015 5:11:37 GMT -5 secretlyevil said:

Meh, sae la ve

Do you mean c'est la vie??

Lol.

[ringstrue]

I definitely say "doesn't have kids". I agree there is a culturally negative connotation despite what the grammar is doing.

I can't imagine people making comments. You have no idea about someone's past. You might see a 22 year old single n happy coworker but just 2 years ago they could have had a completely different life.

[WanderingWinoZ]

Sept 22, 2015 6:12:53 GMT -5 KateAggie said:

I think the person it affects (you) gets to decide how someone refers to you. And I think arguing semantics when you're not the one being labeled is douchey.

agreed.

In my mind- I always associate child free with a decision not to have kids & I feel like people use it more like a happy banner "We are child free & going to tahiti!!!)" and I feel like childless is often used to signify more often that people want/wanted kids but couldn't have them for some reason.   I know I may be over-reading into it, but I always considered myself Child free before kids and also the "by choice" is often followed the "child free" designation.

[sushi]

Sept 22, 2015 6:25:47 GMT -5 lg28 said:

Sept 22, 2015 5:11:37 GMT -5 secretlyevil said:

Meh, sae la ve

Do you mean c'est la vie??

Lol.

Hey. Give Floridians a break. The only french we've ever seen is je me souviens

[eclaires]

Sept 22, 2015 6:35:11 GMT -5 WanderingWinoZ said:

Sept 22, 2015 6:12:53 GMT -5 KateAggie said:

I think the person it affects (you) gets to decide how someone refers to you. And I think arguing semantics when you're not the one being labeled is douchey.

agreed.

In my mind- I always associate child free with a decision not to have kids & I feel like people use it more like a happy banner "We are child free & going to tahiti!!!)" and I feel like childless is often used to signify more often that people want/wanted kids but couldn't have them for some reason.   I know I may be over-reading into it, but I always considered myself Child free before kids and also the "by choice" is often followed the "child free" designation.

This is how I see it in my head but I will use whatever word a person prefers. That said I can't say it's ever come up for me in conversation.

[ChillyMcFreeze]

Sept 22, 2015 6:35:11 GMT -5 WanderingWinoZ said:

Sept 22, 2015 6:12:53 GMT -5 KateAggie said:

I think the person it affects (you) gets to decide how someone refers to you. And I think arguing semantics when you're not the one being labeled is douchey.

agreed.

In my mind- I always associate child free with a decision not to have kids & I feel like people use it more like a happy banner "We are child free & going to tahiti!!!)" and I feel like childless is often used to signify more often that people want/wanted kids but couldn't have them for some reason.   I know I may be over-reading into it, but I always considered myself Child free before kids and also the "by choice" is often followed the "child free" designation.

This is how I choose to use it, too -- in reference to myself, anyway. If I were forced to describe myself, I would say child-free because I have chosen not to try to have children. Had I been trying, I think childless makes more sense in my head.

[lg28]

Sept 22, 2015 6:39:17 GMT -5 sushi said:

Sept 22, 2015 6:25:47 GMT -5 lg28 said:

Do you mean c'est la vie??

Lol.

Hey. Give Floridians a break. The only french we've ever seen is je me souviens

At first I thought maybe it was Spanish because I don't know a single Spanish word (other than cerveza) but when I read it, I was like ahhhh! This is French!

To make this very CEP, I only ever took French because it's a requirement in school since its an official language. I kept with it when I realized it might be useful to pick up hot French men on an exchange in France.

[ECB]

Sept 22, 2015 6:39:21 GMT -5 eclaires said:

  That said I can't say it's ever come up for me in conversation.

This is what it really comes down to for me.  ONLINE I see these terms used and debated.  I don't think I've ever heard anyone IRL refer to themselves as either and I know I've never used either term to talk about someone who doesn't have  kids. 

[wambam]

I prefer childfree. I've reached the age where my peers want to know WHY I don't have children. This is particularly prevalent at church. I try to make it clear that I'm not consumed with unfulfilled longing ersumshit.

[Deleted]

I always say childfree because I know most people prefer that. Fwiw though I've never understood the term "childless" to mean something pitiful. Just a person who is "less" or without children. However, I am happy to defer to people who the descriptor actually applies to.

[tacosforlife]

What if I teach my children to say childless and you correct them by insisting on child free? YOU ARE UNDERMINING MY PARENTING!!!!!!!!!!1!1!111!1!!!!eleventy!!!!!

[zoidberg]

I am clean out of fucks to give for stuff like this. I don't have kids, call it what you like.

[scout8]

I am childfree not by choice. I prefer free over less as it sounds less sad to me. Really, though, other than online, I don't think it ever comes up. IRL, I would just say that I don't have kids.

[ECB]

I'll also add- for the assholes out there that really do think less of people who don't have kids, they are going to think that regardless if the term is childfree or childless.

Assholes will be assholes.

[ttt]

Childfree sounds like children are bad (like preservative-free, sugar-free, etc.) and to me comes across as kind of defensive, while childless sounds sad and outdated. Neither one is a very good term.

[sushi]

Sept 22, 2015 7:41:22 GMT -5 ttt said:

Childfree sounds like children are bad (like preservative-free, sugar-free, etc.) and to me comes across as kind of defensive, while childless sounds sad and outdated. Neither one is a very good term.

That's true.

I actually wouldn't really have occasion to use either term. Usually the conversation is

Do you have children

No

Why not?

Sigh