Tuesday Randoms

[liubot]

Oct 13, 2015 21:24:41 GMT -5 Mrs.Rad888 said:

Oct 13, 2015 21:20:32 GMT -5 liubot said:

He's 20 years older than me.

The only people that have to be OK with it are you and him. People are always going to find something to talk about, don't let that be the reason you don't give him a chance.

I'm not NOT ok with it. Just over analyzing I think. I'm very cautious when dating lately. I've dated two men in the past year and a half and I'm really quick to hit the buzzer and send them packing of things aren't perfect. I think I'm afraid to fall again. I've been very walled up but I'm ready to take some sort of step towards dating again. When I was dating 45 year olds it didn't bother me at all. What's a few more years?

[Deleted]

liubot, if you are questioning it, you must feel some uncertainty. I wish the best for you and I worry about you.  
Maybe I'm off the mark or out of line ( but I say this from a caring view)--I feel like you've gone in the older direction lately because you had some bad experiences with guys your own age.  For some people an age difference doesn't matter and I get that.  But just thinking of your situation in the possible long term...you're young with a small daughter..is a 50 something able to give you what you need? What S needs? People can be dirtbags and I don't want to see you get hurt again.  

[liubot]

@blueyes623 I think I've become jaded Bc I've realized that dirtbags come in all ages...

[redshoejune]

glynn I'm sorry you're stuck in that situation, it's no fun but quite a few people here have been through it. My x lived in the basement until a couple days before our divorce was final for the same things - he had a right to stay. He was abusive and I could have probably gotten him out, but I didn't want to piss him off during settlement negotiations for fear he would retaliate somehow with child custody or financial agreements.

[redshoejune]

Oct 13, 2015 12:33:50 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Oct 13, 2015 12:20:23 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I'm super sensitive to "life would be easier if my husband was gone and we shared custody, kid free weeks!".  I know this is my issue and my situation isn't normal, but it bothers me.

I can see that. 

That's messed up. And duh, it's not easier. People don't know what they're talking about.

[1confused1]

Oct 13, 2015 21:57:43 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

liubot, if you are questioning it, you must feel some uncertainty. I wish the best for you and I worry about you.  
Maybe I'm off the mark or out of line ( but I say this from a caring view)--I feel like you've gone in the older direction lately because you had some bad experiences with guys your own age.  For some people an age difference doesn't matter and I get that.  But just thinking of your situation in the possible long term...you're young with a small daughter..is a 50 something able to give you what you need? What S needs? People can be dirtbags and I don't want to see you get hurt again.  

All of this.  And liubot just because there are dirt bags of all ages doesn't mean there aren't great guys that are your age.  I would worry that a guy that is 20 years older than you is not going to understand your life with a young kid.  I say this because I was there and he was only 9 years older than me, but his kids were older and he had a hard time dealing with all that comes with younger kids.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Oct 13, 2015 21:06:57 GMT -5 liubot said:

How old is too old to date?

at 41 I'm willing to go 5 years older and 8 years younger ... I wouldn't go 20 over. I'm in that interesting spot where the younger ones might want kids and the older ones are DONE raising kids .. being 41 w a 6 yo makes life interesting lol

With a 20 year age gap, you're at 2 totally different places in life. I wouldn't do it. I've had guys in their late 40s and early 50s express interest in me and I'm all thx but no thx.

[jojoandleo]

I don't think I could date anyone old enough to be my father. So, my cut off would have to be 15 years. But even then, that seems too much. I think my real cut off would be like...10?

[jigsy]

Like everyone here has said, I think it is a personal thing, XH was 7 years older than me, but it worked out because we were still in the same life stage (he was a late bloomer re: school and professional stuff).

Now, I don't know that I would date someone more than maybe 5 years older than me. I am 30, so I feel like if I go too much older, than starting a family could be tricky...and I am not even sure I want that yet, but I DO want the possibility. If I dated someone who was 40, then I would feel like there would be more of a rush to start having kids, and I don't want time to be the reason we make that decision.

[bl]

I think it is totally personal preference on age. I am good with about 5 years younger and 8 years older, and will consider someone slightly outside of that if there is a real spark/connection. I personally think 20 would be way too much for me. Having lunch can't hurt, but if you end up liking him you might want to really think about what life would look like with that big of a difference.