Bullying each other - tips please

[sallyanne]

My 9 month olds are starting to steal each others toys, pinch, bite and push at each other. I know this is totally normal and they are trying to interact with each other. But is there a way I can help them learn to be kind to each other? I feel like I am constantly breaking up their fights and consoling the one who has his toys stolen.

[trafficgirl]

My kids are almost two and still do this. No pinching or biting (yet), but sealing toys and sometimes pushing. Typically it's the same one stealing from the other.

Unfortunately we don't have a great strategy in place. Sometimes we'll give the item back to the one it was stolen from. Sometimes we'll talk about sharing. Sometimes (particularly if the behavior continues) we'll take the toy and redirect.

Sorry - not a good answer for you.

[demandypants]

I think to an extent there is no avoiding this. Funny how young it starts though. My twins are also 9mo, and they are always most interested in the toy the other is playing with. They don't fuss too much now when it is taken away so I don't intervine. But we do have a little dog I am trying to teach them to be gentle with. Thankfully the dog is extremely patient with them.

I am over 9mo though. Our naps are a mess and teeth cutting is the worst. Just grateful overnight sleeping has been spared.

[ninjabridemom]

Yes. We did 30 sec "time out" which was really just a physical separation from the situation, and we did this for any type of violence. Then we would teach "gentle touch" like give hugs or high five instead etc. That seemed to help a bit. We went through the same thing at about the same age.

It'll come and go too. One thing we really focus on is "watch out for brother." We make them apologize, make up, etc., and we are still strict about violence against each other. I think it's helped foster a good thoughtful relationship but we'll really see that more as they grow older lol.

[kershnic]

At 9 months I really think all you can do is create safety (physically move children away from each other when necessary) and distraction.

Mine are 20 months now. I physically intervene for anything threatening safety (biting, hitting, pushing) and separate them. I use phrases like teeth are not for biting people, we can bite toys and hands are not for hitting, use nice hands.

I try to let them navigate toy sharing/stealing because I think they need to learn. But when it gets loud or one is being more of a bully ( it's always the same kid...) I will give the toy back to the kid I saw as playing with it first and do my best to distract the other. They're kind of just starting to get the idea of a turn.

I have six year old twin nephews too, and with them and with my daughters were always saying the best toy is always the one in your sister/brother's hand.