Daycare WWYD - sort of update

[coribelle26]

If your daycare gave your child someone else's bottle, how would you handle that? Assume that you have been having general feelings of discomfort for a while but no outright grievous issues.

Update: so we both marched in today and (calmly, I think) asked for an explanation. They seemed appropriately perplexed and apologetic. They retraced everything that happened and concluded that, most likely, they tried his bottle, he wouldn't take it, they put it back in the fridge (not unusual, he drinks them cold), and then added the note about taking 3 ounces later to his sheet by mistake when it should have gone on someone else's. The teacher who tried remembers attempting to feed him but doesn't remember him finishing. So far no one else has reported odd numbers of full/empty bottles, and I was at least somewhat satisfied by their explanation of why they truly don't believe they gave him someone else's bottle.

Director wasn't there so I am going to email her the details of what happened so we document everything. I am still going to call other places to see what our options are and get on lists if we find someplace that seems better.

It was a big red flag but I do feel like their reaction was appropriate, so that's something. When I email the director, I am going to mention (in different words) that Wednesdays they are at capacity and it's always a shitshow over there. I know that legally as long as they're 4:1 it's allowed, but I am going to recommend a floater during peak active times in the room because it's seriously a madhouse unless at least 3 or 4 kids are asleep.

[soozy87]

It would depend on what was in the bottle.

[Deleted]

Aflame. All daycare questions, aflame.

But seriously, this is unacceptable.

[BaliHai]

I agree with Tamb. My anger level would correspond with what was in the bottle (for example, if my child was on special formula and was given regular that could cause issues, I'd be really fucking pissed), but I don't know that I'd pull her over it. I'd probably just log it as strike one (or strike two, again, depending on how mad I was), want to know how they plan to prevent something like this in the future, and keep on.

[cville]

Firstborn: I'd flip out, demand a meeting with the director and a schedule for implementing best practices while furiously searching for any and all alternative care options.


Second child: strongly worded email to director, stern talk with teachers, casually look around to see if there are openings at places that are super convenient.

[papie]

I don't know if this is flameful, but it definitely depends what was in the bottle. Someone else's formula? Polite complaint. Someone else's breastmilk? SET THEM ON FIRE. The idea of someone else's body fluids feeding my child is just absolutely horrifying to me.

[spwspw]

Nov 11, 2015 18:22:01 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

If I didn't like the daycare in general I would probably pull my child. If I liked them overall, I would not be happy (esp if it is someone's breastmilk, sorry) but I would just make them show me the policies they are putting in place so that this never happens again.

This exactly.

[coribelle26]

I don't have all the details yet because we didn't pick up, by the time I put the pieces together that something was wrong, they were closed, and Harrison is still at my parents' house visiting tonight. Here's the story I have so far. My parents picked him up today as they do most days, and since I wasn't going to see them until later I called my mom to see if he ate well today (we've been having some issues with bottle refusing). She said he ate most of one bottle, all of another, and came home with three full bottles. This made no sense, because he only was sent with 4 full bottles in the first place. She was like, maybe he only ate one, I don't have the sheet on me (they were at a store), and I said well let me call daycare while they're still open and see what they can tell me.

I talked to the afternoon girl who gave me detailed information about his two bottles, how much he drank of them and at what times. I was like, huh, okay, mom must have been confused, and called her back. She was like, no, I'm positive, he came home with three full bottles. Mom is not cognitively impaired in any way (or old - sorry, olds) so I don't have any reason not to believe her when she says she walked out of there with three full and one empty bottle.

So one of two things happened. Either he only got one bottle (or part of one bottle, or who the hell knows) and they were either confused about it or outright lied on his sheet. Or, and I kind of feel like this is the more likely possibility, they did give him two bottles, but one of them wasn't his. And if they did that they may not even realize at this point, so I don't know how I'm going to find out what was in the bottle. I would like to think that if some other parent got the wrong number of full and empty bottles sent home that would raise some questions for them too.

My plan is to go in there tomorrow to meet with the lead teacher and the director and insist that they determine what happened, whether my child was fed someone else's bottle, and what was in it. I don't know how they're going to figure that out but I feel like if they can't answer, I can't feel comfortable with him staying there. His name is HUGE on his bottles. You would have to be seriously stupid not to realize.

He's not on any special diet, it was just regular old Similac, but it is absolutely the thought that he could have gotten someone else's breastmilk that is making me want to set shit on fire. And then vomit. And then set that on fire.

[scottyderp]

I'd be grossed the f*ck out, and I'd say something.  Why don't they share their teat while they're at it?  I'd say, "Please make sure Baby has their bottle, it's labeled.  I was told/found out that they did not, and that troubles me.  Thanks!"

I've had coffee.

[coribelle26]

Oh and we are pretty fucked if we pull him, at this point I have called all of the likely alternatives and their waiting lists are 15 kids deep. A nanny would cost more than I make but if we can find someone we may have to just suck it up temporarily. I'm not in a position to leave my job until after the end of January when I'm vested in my retirement savings and when H's new insurance would kick in (he's on a super high deductible plan right now, if I leave my job we can go on it but just a few months of Harrison's cardiac maintenance stuff would kill us, especially without my income). So, we don't have a ton of options. I guess I just need to know if I'm a completely irresponsible shit parent if we leave him there until we CAN figure out something else.

[cville]

You have a good plan. Be tough, you can do it. Leaving him there isn't irresponsible. This sort of thing happened to L. They fed her her bottles, on some other kid's schedule so she threw up most of the second and ran out of food by 1 and no one called me. I light it UP. But she stayed there for another six or seven months


And put him on the waiting lists anyway. We toured O's current daycare, were told it would be a year or so, got a call three weeks later.

[livinitup]

I think it's a pretty serious mistake. I'd present the inconsistencies and ask for an explanation. There are a couple of things that could have happened. Including marking the sheet wrong. Ask for a plan of corrective action that satisfies you.

You don't have to set anything on fire (or vomit) just yet.

ETA: And you DON'T have to quit over this. No no no. You can be a huge pain in the ass for this, but you don't have to quit. Let them manage a solution.

[underwaterrhymes]

I would be very upset.

N is breast fed so it would mean he either got someone else's breast milk or he got formula, neither of which is okay.

And even if he was formula fed, I would still be pissed because there are different kinds of formula that may or may not agree with him.

I would need some strong assurance and a plan of action to prevent it from happening ever again.

[coribelle26]

Nov 11, 2015 19:52:06 GMT -5 aeg511 said:

Are the formula bottles pre-mixed?
If he was given someone else's bottle, I'd assume he got formula. So, don't vomit just yet!

We send pre-mixed formula bottles. From what I can tell when I look in the fridge, the other kids either have breast milk or pre-mixed formula as well.

I asked my mom if his basket was moved (there are some new babies so this was a possibility) and she said no, it was in the same spot it always is.

[rosiebear]

My daycare gave my son someone else's breast milk (15 years ago). They were very upfront about it and obviously felt terrible about the mixup. They were also fantastic in other ways, so I didn't feel all that angry or upset. Mistakes happen, and while there could have been serious consequences, none of those happened, so I could let it go.

The other mother also called me to let me know she wasn't taking any meds, so that helped.

[Monica Geller]

I'd be really upset. I would definitely insist that they figure out WTF happened. I'd be all over them for an indefinite amount of time watching for any other mistakes. I would not quit my job over it though.

[coribelle26]

For what it's worth we've been having serious conversations about me either outright quitting my job or looking for a way scaled back part time situation, but this is NOT the ideal time to do it. We've talked about more like summer.

[coribelle26]

Nov 11, 2015 20:34:41 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

It also makes me feel better that papie is also skeeved by the idea of her child getting some stranger's breastmilk. lol

Dude, I can't imagine anyone would be breezy about this if they don't know the source!

[Monica Geller]

Even though you're seriously considering quitting your job, since you say it' s not the ideal time, I still wouldn't at this point. I'd find out what happened and if it was the wrong bottle given to him, I'd seriously watch everything they do and one more mistake would cause me to pull him and make career decisions at that point.

[Deleted]

I'd be annoyed but wouldn't be pulling him at this point. Talk to the teachers tomorrow. Maybe someone just wrote the wrong info down on his sheet?

[rosiebear]

I guess I'd qualify as breezy about it, lol. People donate breast milk for other babies, so I just don't think it's that big a deal? My son certainly didn't care.

It helps that I knew the mother in question, I suppose.

[mekia]

It would bother me- but not too much. I would find out why and how it happened before getting angry.

A 1.5 year old grabbed DS' bottle of breast milk and drank some of it before the DCP could get to him. I felt bad, but assured that I wasn't on medication or anything and that I ate dairy. His mom was fine with it. But it wasn't an entire bottle like yours.

Do you think your mom went home with 3 bottles, but one wasn't yours?

[jennistarr1]

My concern for you is making sure that they are upfront and honest with you even if, especially if, that other bottle contained breast milk

my fear is that you'll spell out your scenarios and they will be like "oh, ok, I guess he just got one bottle then, sorry for the mix up...yeah, he wasn't hungry"

[hopecounts]

Nov 11, 2015 20:53:17 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

I guess I'd qualify as breezy about it, lol. People donate breast milk for other babies, so I just don't think it's that big a deal? My son certainly didn't care.

It helps that I knew the mother in question, I suppose.

Not to gross anyone out but a recent random test study of donated BM found 40% carried a contagious disease including E. coli
Sharing untested BM is not OK.

[nursecramer]

Nov 11, 2015 20:53:17 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

I guess I'd qualify as breezy about it, lol. People donate breast milk for other babies, so I just don't think it's that big a deal? My son certainly didn't care.

It helps that I knew the mother in question, I suppose.

Yeah, I would be more likely to give my baby someone else's BM than I would formula, actually. But maybe because I was a BM donor so I'm just acclimated to the idea?

Notice I said *I* would give my baby. Because nobody ought to be feeding my baby anything without my say-so first. Especially licensed daycare staff! I would be really furious. Not-quit-my-job furious, but I would get him out as soon as it wasn't a major hardship.

Our place color codes all the kids' stuff, so T's bottles, cups, food containers, paci, etc. were always red. If yours doesn't do something like that, maybe you could suggest it. 

[coribelle26]

Truly if it was someone I knew I would be like, gross, but not like

Blood donations are checked for diseases. I don't know. The unknown element of it all just seems fundamentally barfy.

Mostly I just feel like they're not careful and kind of stupid and their stupidity seems to be escalating.

Certain things are nitpicky, like the other day his note said he "rufused" his bottle. COME ON. And when I was out in the hallway the other day, the only caregiver in the room he's about to move to dropped something with a big crash and shouted "DAMMIT" in a room full of little kids. I love me some profanity, but you're at work surrounded by other people's kids, asshole.

In all seriousness though I feel like we genuinely have really really terrible child care options around here, and at what point am I being shitty to my kid by keeping him in a situation that I don't trust just to stay at my job where I make hardly any money. I mostly like my job but I'm also pretty fond of my kid. This whole thing would be a hell of a lot easier if I felt like he was being well cared for while I'm at work, but I don't.

[coribelle26]

Nov 11, 2015 21:01:29 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Nov 11, 2015 20:53:17 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

I guess I'd qualify as breezy about it, lol. People donate breast milk for other babies, so I just don't think it's that big a deal? My son certainly didn't care.

It helps that I knew the mother in question, I suppose.

Not to gross anyone out but a recent random test study of donated BM found 40% carried a contagious disease including E. coli
Sharing untested BM is not OK.

THANKS.  (lol)

[hopecounts]

Nov 11, 2015 21:07:35 GMT -5 coribelle26 said:

Nov 11, 2015 21:01:29 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Not to gross anyone out but a recent random test study of donated BM found 40% carried a contagious disease including E. coli
Sharing untested BM is not OK.

THANKS.  (lol)

Sorry

[coribelle26]

It bears mentioning that when he first started there he came home with another kid's pacifier, too.

[coribelle26]

Oh and he and his stuff are home now, they are definitely all his bottles that came home. He seems okay otherwise.

In other fun news, my parents are pissed off at us because H insinuated that this is partially their fault for not realizing the bottle discrepancy at pick up and questioning them about it immediately. I told him to shut up but was too slow.

EVERYTHING IS AWESOME.