s/o - Hilariously Bad SO Gifts

[robyn]

Can we do a spin off of gravytrain225's post about her DH's gifts? Tell me the hilariously worst gift your SO has given. My DH tries so hard, but he waits until the last minute and is just programmed to be horrible at online shopping. Here's a run down from the last few years:

I asked for an enameled cast iron dutch oven. I have several on my Amazon wish list. He went to the local military surplus store and bought me this huge cast iron camping stove thing that was made to be used over a campfire. It had huge cast iron legs to stand on and a giant handle. Think something straight off the prairie. It had to of weighed 60 lbs. That was fun to return.

I asked for a new Tervis and linked a few I liked, and told him there's an awesome selection at Bed Bath and Beyond, plus he could use a coupon (we always have them laying around). He bought me this horrendous breast cancer awareness one with sea animals on it from Amazon. He didn't read the description or anything, just saw pink and Tervis and bought it. To return it would have been half of what he paid so I use it, and roll my eyes every time.

I love sports movies that are real life stories, like Remember the Titans, We Are Marshall, etc. One year he bought me Any Given Sunday, and one year he bought me Rudy LOLOLOL.

He has gifted me at least 3 CD's that are ones he wanted. One was an Eminem CD about 6 years ago. Why did he choose that one? Because 13 years ago we went to the Eminem concert and I hid a joint in my bra to sneak it in, and he thought that was awesome so it reminded him of that when he saw the CD. Neither of us really listen to Eminem anymore, other than the old stuff.

A few years ago I asked for new fun socks and told him to go to Target. He hit up Walgreens instead and bought me a bunch of kids size toe socks. I wear a women's size 10 and HATE having things in between my toes. So they were like toe sport socks on me. I gave them all to my sister who was like 11 at the time.

He's a fantastic husband, and when he actually shops off the list he does great. But when he goes rogue I'm in trouble! Share yours and laugh at my DH with me!

[Deleted]

A heated fucking blender.

It's for soup or some fuckery like that. Yes, I like soup, but this blender is a shitty blender that doesn't blend as good as my 70's blender I stole off my sister.

Also: a sewing machine. When shall I sew, DH? In all my spare time where I can take out a whole big project? Also, I already had one. Just not quite as nice.

Anyway, he has gotten the message on no utilitarian gifts this year.

[nessness]

The first gift DH gave me when we were dating was a hoodie that was way too big and a DVD of Rowing with the Wind, which is easily one of the worst movies I've seen.

[mpc]

Well according to amazon I know that this year he bought me a travel sized hair dryer. I'm not sure when I'm supposed to use that. I'm certainly not replacing my regular one at home, and 90% of my travel is to hotels with hair dryers. Maybe I can take it camping?

[Deleted]

For my birthday in 2007, right after we got married, he bought me a garden hose. We had just built a house and had a bunch of landscaping done which involved watering.

He's very practical but there's practical, then too practical.

And you all wonder why I buy my own gifts now!

He also bought me a set of tennis balls one Christmas. I don't play tennis. We don't have a dog. He bought them for because he didn't like how close I parked to the front of the garage. He wanted to hang them off the ceiling on string (like at his mom's) so I'd know where to stop.



The sad part is, you ask him what the worst gift he ever bought me was and he'll say it was a perfume sampler. It was our first dating Christmas and it had only been like a month. He took himself to Herberger's all confused and the clerk picked out a perfume sample set with like 8 different types. He thought it was terrible and I actually loved it. They were all good scents. And I was a broke just out of college teaching for ridiculously low pay at a private religious school. I was so excited to have something fun and a bit $$ I couldn't afford myself.

[cincodemayo]

My DH can be much better than me, so I have to give him credit. Plus, I'm hard because I don't want to give him specific links because I want a surprise.

3 years ago he got me a sweater poncho thing that was so ugly and a lavender and coral striped scarf- you know, to match my plum colored pea coat? He admitted later that he was running out of time, went to Amazon, and picked things off the first page of womens' clothing.

The worst though was for my 25th birthday. We had only been together 7-8 months or so. My birthday was on a Sunday and for some reason he thought the grocery store wouldn't be open on Sunday (??) so he bought me flowers on Saturday. And left them in his car. In July. And still gave them to me the next day! They were wilted and dying. He also stuck a $50 in a card for me, which I found super lame because at that point in the game he should have been able to come up with SOMETHING that his relatively brand new girlfriend would find cute or romantic.

[lurknomore]

The year I started law school DH got me a bakelite judge's gavel. He thought that I would love it since bakelite was the first plastic and would appeal to my science background and the gavel part would appeal to the law school part. It came with a signed picture of Judge Judy that he wrote to "her" and asked her to send. He's a terrible overthinker and gifts hysterically bad gifts because he tries too hard. While I can appreciate the sentiment, he rarely hits the mark.

[simpsongal]

Can I do my brothers? I flew to Hawaii to be w/them one Christmas and brought them thoughtful gifts. They disappeared for a bit on Christmas morning and lo-and-behold, showed up w/gifts from the hotel gift shop downstairs.

Wow, a cheap Hawaii mug? You shouldn't have...

[mainelyfoolish]

This wasn't a terrible gift per se, but the circumstance was a little funny. The first year DH and I were together at Christmas, we were out shopping shortly before the holiday and I saw the movie March of the Penguins on DVD (it had just been released on DVD and we'd seen it in the theater). I picked it up and looked at it and remarked that it was a good movie but I didn't feel the need to own it. Of course, you can guess what DH had already bought for me; we had a good laugh when I unwrapped it on Christmas Day.

A year or two later, for some reason DH decided that he needed to buy me a penguin ornament for Christmas. I don't know why, I don't have a particular love for penguins. He picked out a super cheap looking plastic ornament from some random website that had cheap ornaments marked up ridiculously over what they should retail for (I pay the credit card bills, so I know what he spent). I still don't understand why he thought this was a great gift. I quietly shake my head every year when I hang it on the tree.

[pierogigirl]

Brannock device (the thing shoe store use to measure feet)

At the time I was a little WTF, but I do use it because DS1 has XW feet and we have to order all his shoes since the stores don't stock that width.

[ryry]

For Christmas one year DH bought me a pot holder. One. I have two hands. And it's the worlds biggest pot holder, so I don't ever use it because it's comically large on my hand.

He's generally pretty bad at gift giving, but he won't ever live down the potholder. For his birthday that next year I bought him two pot holders.

[mainelyfoolish]

When I was in college, I had a serious boyfriend and he was all excited about the birthday gift he bought me. Something happened and he was delayed in getting it to me but he was so excited to give it to me, I was really expecting something wonderful by the time he presented it to me. It turned out to be two miniature glass oil lamps, and he didn't wrap them, they were in a plastic bag. I don't even know where he would have bought such a weird gift (this was pre-Internet shopping) or why he thought I would like them.

[boiler717]

The worst birthday gift was when I was maybe 23 or 24 and got me a huge, heavy crystal flower vase...and no flowers!

[momin2013]

My ex-BF once gave me his old Palm Pilot. His work had gotten him a new one, and apparently he thought I would like his used one as a present.

It was doubly bad, because he knew that I'm a total paper planner/address book person. I was like, "Oh. What am I supposed to do with this?" He said, "well, you can enter all of your addresses into it." My eyes gave him so much side-eye they almost got stuck that way.

[awkwardpenguin]

Dec 11, 2015 10:40:36 GMT -5 pierogigirl said:

Brannock device (the thing shoe store use to measure feet)

At the time I was a little WTF, but I do use it because DS2 has XW feet and we have to order all his shoes since the stores don't stock that width.

This is my favorite bad gift story in MMM history.  Glad it worked out!

[rugbywife]

For either valentines or our anniversary, he got me a gravy boat.

Nothing says I love you like a gravy boat!!!

[awkwardpenguin]

My wife was really obsessed with getting a garden gnome for a while. Like we'd be out and pass a garden center and we'd have to stop and see if they had any garden gnomes she liked.

So my birthday rolls around and she's really excited for me to open my present. And I open it...and it's a garden gnome. I was like "this is interesting, I think this is more something you wanted" and she was like "but it's your garden!" Sigh.

[robyn]

Dec 11, 2015 10:58:32 GMT -5 @callmefia said:

My worst gift was from my ex. He bought me a Wii when they were really new and like $300. I told him I didn't want a Wii in the first place (I'm not good at the hand/eye coordination required for video gaming). He opened it and played with it before he gave it to me (so I couldn't return it), and he set up my Mii character and set it to the fattest it could be.

This is the guy that was verbally and emotionally abusive, and I had just lost 20 pounds. I broke up with him a week later and he left me such a bad voicemail that I forwarded it to my new phone number and kept it as evidence in case I needed to use it to get a restraining order (which I did threaten him with). I met H 4 months later.

I sold the Wii to a coworker about a year later. I kind of want one again. Lol

I'm so glad he's your ex!! What an ass.

[Queen Mamadala]

My exH got me a double toaster for Christmas one year. Yeah... lol

[jinkies]

Last year we said we weren't exchanging gifts, so I didn't drop any hints.

My H decided to get me something anyway.

He bought me a pajamagram. On Dec 23, so he had to pay for overnight shipping.

He presented it to me unwrapped, in the box it was shipped in.

They were so ugly that he actually suggested I return them.

When I did, I found out that all in he spent about $125 on the pajamas, which were completely unremarkable Kohls-quality PJs, and the accompanying slippers, which were 2 sizes too small.

I will be dropping heavy hints this year for what he should get me.

[Deleted]

DH tries, but sometimes it haut doesn't work. Admittedly I'm difficult to shop for. I'm allergic to metals so I don't really wear jewelry and I'm ridiculously practical and prefer practical gifts.

One year when I was 5 months pregnant with our second kid he got me golf clubs. I've never played golf and have never really expressed an interest in playing golf. He got himself a set too and thought we could learn to play together. Nice thought, but not easy with 2 (now 3 kids) and again I'm not all that interested in golf. Maybe one day.

A couple years ago he bought me a keurig for Christmas. Only I didn't really drink coffee at the time (still don't really). He bought a huge tea sampler to go with it because very very occasionally I'd have a cup of tea so he thought I needed a keurig for that.

My favorite gifts that he's gotten for me were my neato, a le crueset Dutch oven, a nice watch, and a Fitbit.

[meij]

I almost got an annoying one this year but I bought what I wanted instead and dodged the disappointment.

I've wanted the cordless Dyson for a while (I know a vacuum as a present is like cliche terrible gift but I don't care). A month or so ago it was on a good deal but I passed it up because it's expensive and I didn't NEED it. Then H started on his yearly Gifts for Himself Binge (he does this every fucking November/December. Buys himself several expensive items. His family never got him gifts for Christmas but would the other siblings so now it's like he gets all freaked out and buys himself a ton of shit right before Christmas.)

ANYWAY. He just had bought himself a new electric razor and toothbrush and nice headphones and had been talked out of the new Playstation or XBOX or whatever it is. Black Friday came around and I was like you know what? I'm getting myself the damn vacuum. I ordered it and h was all sad because he knew I wanted it and was actually going to get it for me for Christmas. BUT not the Dyson. He was researching (damn engineers) and had found a Bissell that also steamed the floors that he was going to get me instead but it was corded. WTF. The whole reason I wanted the Dyson was because it was cordless and it would be quick and easy to do under the table and stuff. If I wanted to plug in a damn vacuum I'd use the vacuum we already have. If I wanted to steam the floors I'd plug in the floor cleaner WE ALREADY HAVE. Jesus.

I'm so glad I got what I wanted because if I'd opened that stupid Bissell Christmas morning I'd be ticked. And never use it and continue to pine for the cordless Dyson.

He does really good with jewelry though. He has great taste and every jewelry gift he's gotten me has been perfect.

[bunnymendelbaum]

A $350 negligee.

Now, you might think is a great gift. It was not. It was the first year the ipod came out. DH and I are very into music. I was broke. So, so broke and working two jobs. I scrimped and saved and bought DH (then boyfriend of 3 years) the ipod. I was sure he bought me one too because I had hinted it was what I wanted. Nope.

I'm a cheap person and don't really lust after expensive things. DH knows this. We were still pretty young so "What did your boyfriend get you for Christmas?" was often asked by family and friends. If I answered "PJs", I'd get the "That's all?" look, but better than if I answered "a very expensive sexy negligee".

But I guess it's better than last year when I had to answer "nothing" while holding back tears.

My DH sucks at gifts. Of course, he still has that fucking ipod.

[niq]

She got a nice briefcase -- either as a gift or as a treat yo self -- when she graduated law school, but I also got her a more workaday laptop bag-type thing. She never used it. That was probably my worst gift.

[bunnymendelbaum]

Dec 11, 2015 10:37:13 GMT -5 cincodemayo said:

My DH can be much better than me, so I have to give him credit. Plus, I'm hard because I don't want to give him specific links because I want a surprise.

3 years ago he got me a sweater poncho thing that was so ugly and a lavender and coral striped scarf- you know, to match my plum colored pea coat? He admitted later that he was running out of time, went to Amazon, and picked things off the first page of womens' clothing.

The worst though was for my 25th birthday. We had only been together 7-8 months or so. My birthday was on a Sunday and for some reason he thought the grocery store wouldn't be open on Sunday (??) so he bought me flowers on Saturday. And left them in his car. In July. And still gave them to me the next day! They were wilted and dying. He also stuck a $50 in a card for me, which I found super lame because at that point in the game he should have been able to come up with SOMETHING that his relatively brand new girlfriend would find cute or romantic.

idk why, but the $50 cash in a card is making hyperventilate.

[pizzapizza]

I love these. They make me laugh.

He has gotten me multiple gifts when we were first dating that I was like ? about.

One time he got me a bra/panty set in the wrong size from Victoria Secret because the lady said the bra size was a complementary size - which it was not

I had told him over and over again do not buy me workout clothes - and guess what he bought - workout clothes!

The best WTF gifts come from our inlaws.

One year they purchases a sweater vest for my husband with Alaska embroidered on the right top of the chest. I am sure they spent 50+ dollars on it.

Another year they bought me a nude lace short dress with open skin cutouts on the side. That made for lots of laughs at our annual gift re-exchange with my girlfriends.

[IrishBelle]

One year DH got me a cheap (and ugly) purse and a pair of new running shoes. I liked the running shoes but they were 2 sizes too small. He could have at least checked another pair of my shoes for the right size.

[Deleted]

Dec 11, 2015 10:37:31 GMT -5 lurknomore said:

The year I started law school DH got me a bakelite judge's gavel. He thought that I would love it since bakelite was the first plastic and would appeal to my science background and the gavel part would appeal to the law school part. It came with a signed picture of Judge Judy that he wrote to "her" and asked her to send. He's a terrible overthinker and gifts hysterically bad gifts because he tries too hard. While I can appreciate the sentiment, he rarely hits the mark.

That is all so weird it's kind of awesome.

[krystee]

I told him that I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry looked like the worst movie ever, and I refused to see it. I almost cried when I opened it on Christmas and he said he bought it because he remembered me talking about the movie.

Six months later, he inexplicably gave me Good Luck Chuck for my birthday.

That one led to the "No gifts that include the word Chuck" rule.

[patbutcher]

For my birthday this year h bought me a really slutty, clubbing dress from some catalog he found called Venus. I returned the dress but the company is in the states so I had to pay return shipping and he insisted I order something else which I also didn't like and ended up donating. Happy birthday to me!

I told him to only buy me clothes that I can return. He doesn't understand that I need to try stuff on! And that I'm a 36 year old mother in the burbs, not a 22 year old Victoria's Secret model who goes to all the hot clubs lol.