Cute or weird? *UPDATED*

[Deleted]

My step-MIL has made a Christmas request and I can't decide if it's cute or weird. Short backstory: DH and I are admittedly really BEC with her. She's said some nasty things and is generally not a nice person. She pretends to care about the kids but then doesn't actually spend time with them when we make the 10hr drive to see her and FIL.

She sent me a long email asking if she could send 4yo DS "a letter from Santa" (that she wants to write). She asked me to provide her several details about the last year to include in the letter, like "toys he wants you've already bought" and " One or two events in the past year that Santa could compliment him on." Also "how many times he's seen Santa, and how did he react"?

He's 4. So he can't read. So she wants me to provide all these details about his life, which she would ALREADY KNOW if she gave a damn about him, so that she can write a pretend letter from Santa that I then have to read out loud to DS. Cute or weird?

UPDATE: So I emailed her back this morning, which was 27 hours after she emailed me. I went with suesue 's approach of "Aren't you sweet? But we've already got a letter from Santa covered. Thanks though!" Very brightly. Apparently 2 hours earlier she had already emailed FIL (which is super weird b/c obviously they LIVE TOGETHER) to ask *him to remind me* to email her back, because she "knows (SuperGreen) tends to respond slowly." I didn't think she could be more BEC but she one-upped herself. I have two little kids! She's not going to get a 24hr turnaround time on a NON URGENT email. I am not Amazon Customer Service over here.

[ribollita]

Both.
I'd go along with it.

[thejen626]

Nope!

If you want to fuck with her, you could provide false details for the letter. Would be fun to read that to yourself and laugh

[rootbeerfloat]

My MIL does something similar. I have to provide pictures from the year of events she didn't attend, so she can create a scrapbook, which my kids don't appreciate. She is not BEC for us, so I don't complain about it, but it's still sort of silly.

[indifferentstars]

Kind of weird. If you liked her, maybe cute. Mostly I feel like there are plenty of businesses/organizations that offer the option to have Santa send a personalized letter to your child and if you wanted him to have one, you could seek one of those options out yourself. Therefore, she should back off    I could totally see my mom offering something similar and I'd be against it because it's dumb. 

[karinothing]

I know people that do this (they are all grandmas) so not weird. It's just a letter

[cricketwife]

.I don't know her, but I feel like she's trying to be nice? I'd giv her a few details and then ore-read the letter and see if you want to share it with DS when it arrives.

[undecidedowl]

I'd be annoyed given your relationship with her but I'd very quickly jot down enough info to keep her happy. When the letter arrives you can decide what to do with it.

[Deleted]

Dec 13, 2015 19:59:34 GMT -5 cricketwife said:

.I don't know her, but I feel like she's trying to be nice? I'd giv her a few details and then ore-read the letter and see if you want to share it with DS when it arrives.

Heck yeah I will pre-read the letter. I would also have absolutely no qualms with my own mother writing a letter, I'm sure I would think it's a great idea. But my mom would already know enough about his life to write the letter. It seems so disingenuous for step-MIL to ask for all these details so she can write a Santa letter. Like, where was this interest in DS the rest of the year?

[ECB]

If this were my stepmom who is really involved in DSs life, I'd probably vote cute. But I could see myself being really annoyed by this if FIL wanetd to do it.

And I don't think it's a tradition I'd want to start, TBH.

[Deleted]

Dec 13, 2015 20:03:02 GMT -5 undecidedowl said:

I'd be annoyed given your relationship with her but I'd very quickly jot down enough info to keep her happy. When the letter arrives you can decide what to do with it.

This is likely what I'll do. I won't rock the boat piloted by a nasty person KWIM. Just give her what she wants. I just don't know what she's getting out of it. I know her, she wants to pretend she's the best grandma ever even though she's not. But who would even know she wrote the letter? I won't be telling DS it's from her.

Honestly I'll probably just throw it out (devil).

[Deleted]

Dec 13, 2015 20:04:43 GMT -5 ECB said:

And I don't think it's a tradition I'd want to start, TBH.

This too.

[cricketwife]

Dec 13, 2015 20:03:05 GMT -5 @supergreen said:

Dec 13, 2015 19:59:34 GMT -5 cricketwife said:

.I don't know her, but I feel like she's trying to be nice? I'd giv her a few details and then ore-read the letter and see if you want to share it with DS when it arrives.

Heck yeah I will pre-read the letter. I would also have absolutely no qualms with my own mother writing a letter, I'm sure I would think it's a great idea. But my mom would already know enough about his life to write the letter. It seems so disingenuous for step-MIL to ask for all these details so she can write a Santa letter. Like, where was this interest in DS the rest of the year?

I hear you. I have a completely in-interested father, but it's a letter. It's not even direct contact with your DS. You sound very angry and bitter.  I promise it's not worth it with these types of people.   She isn't interested in your DS and is either deciding to take a 5min Interest because it's xmas or just feels guilty.  

[VillainV]

It would be really sweet if she actually spent time with your DS throughout the year, and didn't need to ask for so many details. I mean, even the most involved grandparents would probably still need SOME details.

But coming from someone who didn't spend time with your kid? No. If you wanted your son to get a "letter from Santa" you'd write it yourself.

Playing devil's advocate for a second, maybe this is just her misguided attempt to be more involved in your son's life?

[arebee]

I think it is weird that she has to ask for these details but wants to write a letter. MIL is like this with DD. She really isn't interested but wants to come across to everyone as a good grandma. I don't understand it either you are into it or you aren't.

[azurely]

It's weird, but I'd give her the info and let her write the letter. It's not hurting anything, so why not.

[asoctoberfalls]

I mean...my parents are really involved in DS's life, and they see him at least once a week. They wouldn't know the answers to those questions. I think it's kind of a strange idea, but I'd go along with it.

FWIW, she sounds a lot like my MIL, except my MIL is local. She sees DS rarely, yet she pretends she's grandmother of the year. She's always paying lip service to how much she loves him, but actions don't show it. So I get how you feel.

[vanillacourage]

Your step-MIL?  Let DH do it if he cares. 

[Deleted]

It may be a little weird but I wouldn't say no, it's just a letter. It would take minimal effort on my part and I think my kid might enjoy it.

[ilikedonuts]

I think it's weird.

[anna7602]

I vote weird, mainly because both my mother and MIL are BEC to me, so it's hard for me to picture this coming from a good, sweet, no-strings-attached place. Also, anything that makes me have to do more work this time of year is annoying. I'm not just sitting around filing my nails and waiting for Santa to come!

[Willis Jackson]

Someone in our old post office wrote letters from Santa after the kids mailed their letters to him. They were adorable, even mentioning the specific gifts the kids requested.

I think it could be cute, but I would totally roll my eyes if a BEC person wanted to do it.

[Deleted]

Bump for update in OP

[VillainV]

What a weird update. Your MIL is strange. How did you find out she emailed your FIL?

[waterchurch]

What an annoying update (not you, the content lol). I don't understand the married couples emailing each other thing. My dad is like that with his wife. He also always emails both me and DH the same thing. We talk to each other, that's not necessary!

[anna7602]

Dec 13, 2015 19:41:18 GMT -5 @supergreen said:

Apparently 2 hours earlier she had already emailed FIL (which is super weird b/c obviously they LIVE TOGETHER) to ask *him to remind me* to email her back, because she "knows (SuperGreen) tends to respond slowly." I didn't think she could be more BEC but she one-upped herself. I have two little kids! She's not going to get a 24hr turnaround time on a NON URGENT email. I am not Amazon Customer Service over here.

Oh man. This is how my parents and ILs operate. I get follow-up messages or voicemails 3 or 4 hours after the first message "reminding me" to get back to them about whatever NON-URGENT issue is at hand. 

[Deleted]

Dec 14, 2015 14:53:22 GMT -5 VillainV said:

What a weird update. Your MIL is strange. How did you find out she emailed your FIL?

FIL, being lazy, simply forwarded step-MIL's email to DH. So DH sent it to me, so we could gossip about step-MIL's ridiculousness.

[thejen626]

Omg I love the update, and that your FIL emailed it to your husband! Awesome.

[carolinagirl831]

Hmm very strange, I think you handled it best as you could.

[anna7602]

Dec 14, 2015 15:30:04 GMT -5 waterchurch said:

What an annoying update (not you, the content lol). I don't understand the married couples emailing each other thing. My dad is like that with his wife. He also always emails both me and DH the same thing. We talk to each other, that's not necessary!

Sadly, this one I get. DH and I rush around in the morning with the kids and then he comes home well after dinnertime and sometimes even my bed time. So we communicate a lot with each other via email and appreciate it when both of us are copied on a message from anyone trying to coordinate something with us. Perhaps this will be a hard habit to break when we're sitting near each other all day in our old age?