I'm going to a baby shower this weekend and have been told we each need to come with the best advice we have for a new mom. We have to stand in front of the group and present said advice .
Can anyone give me some good advice to share? My kids are so beyond the baby stage that I honestly have no advice that I remember beyond the generic advice everyone gets. Oh, and the mom to be is a pediatrician so she already knows all of the medical stuff. Any good advice?
The best advice my pedi gave me at the 1 week appointment was to turn off the monitor at night (presuming the baby is within earshot, but not in the room with you) b/c you will hear the cries when they need you. You do not need to hear all the other sounds. Piggybacking off of this, put baby in the crib from night 1.
Ignore the "noise". Even the most self-confident amongst us will begin to doubt ourselves when we start compare ourselves to other moms and our babies to other babies. The ones chattering the loudest about how perfect motherhood is and how advanced their babies are are usually the ones that need the most validation. You and your baby should go at your own pace and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.
I am sure there is a nicer way to say it, but I had to remind myself of this all the time.
Learn to accept help. Guilt is a choice. Perfection is a myth. Sometimes good enough is good enough. Fuck the haters.
I will pay you $100 American dollars to stand up in front of the group with a piece of paper, look at it thoughtfully, and then look up and say "Fuck the haters." and sit back down.
I do think telling a new mom to that it is OK for her to take time for herself, whether it is a once week mani, going to the gym, lunch out or a movie with a friend... whatever it is, that time away from your house and yes, your child, will help keep you sane.
I also think you can find beauty in each stage rather than just looking forward to when they are doing x,y,z. I loved the infant stage. They slept just about anywhere and they do that loaf of bread thing, just snoozing warm and soft on your chest. It was the best.
Make personal hygiene a priority during that first month. Bathing and grooming seem to take the back burner but making it important will keep you sane and capable of caring for others.
Post by revolution on Feb 19, 2016 16:44:06 GMT -5
Stock up on beer/wine/coffee/yourdrinkofchoice
This one is from my BFF when I bitched about how my DH was doing something. "Just because he does it differently, doesn't mean it is wrong". That has saved my sanity and many fights.
Load the DVR or netflix cue before you have the baby
Not to feel too much pressure to "enjoy every moment" because every moment with a kid isn't enjoy worthy and the expectation to feel like you have to savor everything is exhausting. In a similar vein, don't worry if you don't feel bonded immediately. It can take a while, and that's totally normal.
Don't worry too much in the first few weeks about what anyone else thinks or feels and just focus on you and baby. The second night we were home C was up and I was trying to change her and couldn't get her little gown off because the stupid elastic at the bottom wouldn't go over her head and I didn't want to hurt her. I took every one of them out of the drawer the next day and literally threw them at my mom and told her to "fix these now". My MIL also saw a lot more of my boobs then I'm sure she ever wanted to, but breastfeeding was new and I sure as hell wasn't going to hide in another room to make her more comfortable while I figured it out. I know that sounds bratty and selfish, but rational people get it. My mom wasn't upset about the gowns, my MIL never commented about my boobs, my father and FIL knew that when it was time to feed if they were going to be uncomfortable to leave the room.
If you need help, ask and be very specific. No one can read your mind. If there is going to be help at your house try and set very clear expectations about what help means to you before the baby arrives. For me it was that I didn't want to have to worry about fixing meals or keeping the house tidy. I wanted to focus on recovering from childbirth, learning how to breastfeed and get to know the new person living in my house.
Post by happyholiday on Feb 19, 2016 16:51:27 GMT -5
Don't judge yourself. If you sleep while your baby sleeps, instead of doing laundry or whatever, that's great. If you can't breastfeed, that's okay. If you want to co-sleep/babywear/attachment parent, good for you. If you need your bed to yourself, put the baby in a stroller, and wonder what the fuck you got yourself into, that's fine, too. Just realize that feeling your way through this whole parenting thing is normal.
This one is from my BFF when I bitched about how my DH was doing something. "Just because he does it differently, doesn't mean it is wrong". That has saved my sanity and many fights.
Load the DVR or netflix cue before you have the baby
This is something I still struggle with but is SOOO true. My way isn't the only right way.
I agree with this too shall pass. It works for good and bad. Enjoy the good moments because they pass away so quickly (before she knows it, she'll wonder where her baby went) but those first few months that seem to last FOREVER while you are in them and you wonder when you'll ever get to sleep, eat, or do anything for yourself again? That passes too.
Post by sapphireblue on Feb 19, 2016 16:57:25 GMT -5
Such good ideas!
I'd say--stock up on prepared meals or menus for places that deliver. Neither of us were up for cooking and we were so so grateful for the meals people brought us. Just being able to heat something up quickly and eat was a lifesaver.
If it's a boy, get a cloth to cover his penis with when you're changing his diaper. You'll still have some open air accidents but they won't be nearly as messy.
Be prepared to feel crazy a few days after birth. The nurses at the hospital told me this. It's the hormones.
Breastfeeding doesn't work for everyone, don't be too hard on yourself if you can't do it.