@rennido I'm an only child and while it has its challenges and flaws, I think I came out pretty well.
Nearly all of my friends are only/eldest children.Â
@rennido, you might want to poll people with children with large gaps if your DS being 5 is your only hesitation. I never really worked the timing out, but I remember when DS was 5, I thought he was too old for another. Had the same thoughts at 7 and 10. After that, I stopped considering it, but looking back, a part of me wishes I'd have gone for it at any of those ages. Then again, a bigger part of me is happy to be an empty nester right now and that wouldn't be the case if I had. Either way, if you're one and done, obviously, that's perfectly fine, but I wouldn't let age 5 be the reason why. A 6 year gap is nothing.
I also have to agree with this. Another of my cousins w/o fertility issues is on a 4-5 years spread plan. Their first is in kindergarten and the baby is 8 months. They are planning to wait again. Similar with a good friend of mine. Her oldest is in 1st grade and baby is 10 months. It can totally work. Especially if the older kid wants to help with their baby sibling, or at least give you a shower/bathroom break. Ex watch your sister while I got to the bathroom is totally possible with an older sibling. Just don't go so far as to make them a mini parent. Which is really a whole other story about the teen I mentor and her 4 year old brother.
@rennido I'm an only child and while it has its challenges and flaws, I think I came out pretty well.
Nearly all of my friends are only/eldest children.
@rennido , you might want to poll people with children with large gaps if your DS being 5 is your only hesitation. I never really worked the timing out, but I remember when DS was 5, I thought he was too old for another. Had the same thoughts at 7 and 10. After that, I stopped considering it, but looking back, a part of me wishes I'd have gone for it at any of those ages. Then again, a bigger part of me is happy to be an empty nester right now and that wouldn't be the case if I had. Either way, if you're one and done, obviously, that's perfectly fine, but I wouldn't let age 5 be the reason why. A 6 year gap is nothing.
My sister and I are 7 years apart. There are good and bad things to it. We fought all the time growing up, there was such an age difference that we just didn't have much in common, but my parents insisted I include her. I also ended up doing a lot of her care, which my parents now regret. Being that much older I could really she how unfair things were, she got much more than I did and was allowed things I wasn't, but our family finances had changed a lot in that time as well. My mom maintains that she really liked having us so far apart because she could really spend individual time with us and enjoy each phase more than being overwhelmed with two in the same phase at the same time. My sister and I are super close now.
Nearly all of my friends are only/eldest children.
@rennido , you might want to poll people with children with large gaps if your DS being 5 is your only hesitation. I never really worked the timing out, but I remember when DS was 5, I thought he was too old for another. Had the same thoughts at 7 and 10. After that, I stopped considering it, but looking back, a part of me wishes I'd have gone for it at any of those ages. Then again, a bigger part of me is happy to be an empty nester right now and that wouldn't be the case if I had. Either way, if you're one and done, obviously, that's perfectly fine, but I wouldn't let age 5 be the reason why. A 6 year gap is nothing.
I also have to agree with this. Another of my cousins w/o fertility issues is on a 4-5 years spread plan. Their first is in kindergarten and the bany is 8 months. They are planning to wait again. Similar with a good friend of mine. He oldest is in 1st grade and baby is 10 months. It can totally work. Especially if the older kid wants to help with their baby sibling, or at least give you a shower/bathroom break. Ex watch your sister while I got to the bathroom is totally possible with an older sibling. Just don't go so far as to make them a mini parent. Which is really a whole other story about the teen I mentor and her 4 year old brother.
It is a good idea. You can't predict anything in terms of relationships, because it's all so personality dependent. My H has a six year gap from both of his two siblings--one older, one younger. I wouldn't consider them especially close, despite my MIL's protest otherwise. They get along very well, but still not close. My three cousins have five year spreads between them (two born on the same day, 10 years apart) and they're extremely close. I'm seven years older than my sister and I'm like her second mother, but that's because I'm controlling :^) . Nothing but anecdotes, but it really isn't the amount of years that dictate the relationship imho.
@ruralrabbit1, I think your mother makes an excellent point. I hadn't thought of how differently the gap can shape the parent-child relationship, too. That's nice you and your sister have become close. I don't consider my sister and I to be close, even though I love her very much.
Good luck, @rennido! It's a hard decision, but you definitely have time.
@rennido I'm an only child and while it has its challenges and flaws, I think I came out pretty well.
Nearly all of my friends are only/eldest children.
@rennido , you might want to poll people with children with large gaps if your DS being 5 is your only hesitation. I never really worked the timing out, but I remember when DS was 5, I thought he was too old for another. Had the same thoughts at 7 and 10. After that, I stopped considering it, but looking back, a part of me wishes I'd have gone for it at any of those ages. Then again, a bigger part of me is happy to be an empty nester right now and that wouldn't be the case if I had. Either way, if you're one and done, obviously, that's perfectly fine, but I wouldn't let age 5 be the reason why. A 6 year gap is nothing.
100% agree.
my sister and I are 5.5 years apart. she is one of my dearest friends and we have an exceptional bond. and my mom is not at all ready to be an empty nester (don't get me started) so I'm grateful she has my younger siblings as a distraction.
basically, don't let the 6 year gap stop you if you want another child. if you don't, then KOKO.
You guys. I forgot to ask about this this morning, but did anyone else see the Jeopardy with the guy from Atlanta from the night before last? He had ~$19k and his nearest opponent had ~$13k, and then he selected a daily double answer and wagered $18k? There was less than a minute left in the game! Oh my gosh, I was losing my shit in here! And then the question was easy (I thought, anyway, not to be a real Alex about it) and it took him SO LONG to answer, but he finally got it right? And he ended up with $37k going into Final Jeopardy, so the nearest opponent could not catch him (and that guy was so clearly pissed--H said he thought it was because they technically gave the guy too much time to answer and that the guy probably rewatched the episode 10 times with a stopwatch )? It was so good. Masterful! Just when you think the biggest drama Jeopardy will ever have is Alex tsk taking while correcting someone's mispronunciation. I'm a couple nights behind, I hope he's still in it.
Post by winnieandwine on Mar 17, 2016 19:50:56 GMT -5
I have another random - I feel like Winnie is punishing me.
So H obviously slept on the couch this weekend after Friday's debacle. it was the first time we've fought since having her, and she was SO STRESSED. she honestly didn't sleep much all weekend - just rotated between the two rooms but kept her distance from both of us.
then H went out of town and has been gone all week and I think she thinks he's gone for good and it's my fault, lol. she won't cuddle me right now and usually she can't get enough at night!
she's choosing her $20 dog bed over the tempurpedic. it's serious.
I have another random - I feel like Winnie is punishing me.
So H obviously slept on the couch this weekend after Friday's debacle. it was the first time we've fought since having her, and she was SO STRESSED. she honestly didn't sleep much all weekend - just rotated between the two rooms but kept her distance from both of us.
then H went out of town and has been gone all week and I think she thinks he's gone for good and it's my fault, lol. she won't cuddle me right now and usually she can't get enough at night!
she's choosing her $20 dog bed over the tempurpedic. it's serious.
Aw! She's probably just feeling anxious. I don't think she'd be manipulative that way. Now if she were a cat lol...
I had a horribly embarassing night last night. DD1 had a birthday party at 6 at one of those trampoline places. DD2 didn't want to jump alone.
Oh man, those people are all assholes. I'm so sorry you had to go through that I'm sorry your daughter is hurting. You're a good mom to be comforting her in the ways she needs. Millions of drinks to you.
poundcake I am so sorry that happened. People suck. sfy I need to go back to dvring Jeopardy. I love the crazy stuff like that. I had to take a break after there were too many people I wanted to punch in the face on in a row.
I know you can't help how you're feeling, poundcake, but you're certainly not the person who should be embarrassed in that situation. You can walk around with your head held high because you're not a pathetic person who tried to make someone else feel crappy in front of children. So gross.
I hope your DD feels better soon and that the counseling is helpful. So many hugs to you guys.
@rennido, I'm 6 years older than my sister and we're super close. It can work either way!
Though, I'm having a baby in about 8 weeks and I'm ducking terrified, so what do I know? The further we get from DD's babyhood the more I'm like, omfg, what did we dooooo?
My sister and I are 7 years apart. There are good and bad things to it. We fought all the time growing up, there was such an age difference that we just didn't have much in common, but my parents insisted I include her. I also ended up doing a lot of her care, which my parents now regret. Being that much older I could really she how unfair things were, she got much more than I did and was allowed things I wasn't, but our family finances had changed a lot in that time as well. My mom maintains that she really liked having us so far apart because she could really spend individual time with us and enjoy each phase more than being overwhelmed with two in the same phase at the same time. My sister and I are super close now.
Thanks for this. I've been feeling like I real need to decide RIGHT NOW to make this decision. I just know right now, mentally, I would probably fall apart.
sfy , thank you for your input. It really helps me to think that I can table it for another year and re-evaluate.
Another anecdote: my sister and I are 8 years apart and we're extremely close as adults. It was really fun to get to know her as a peer once we were both out of the house. (We actually didn't fight much growing up, either; mostly we were moving in different circles due to the age difference.)
My point is that it can work and you don't have to decide right now if you aren't sure. But ultimately it's up to you and you aren't letting your son down if you end up not having another.
I really don't know if mentally I can handle another one. H brought it up last night. I think when DS was 2, I would have, but now that he's 5? I don't know.
I really didn't intend to just have one. But now it's looking like it will be. I don't know how I feel about that.
You know all the stigma with having an only child...I'm scared of that. I'm scared to put that much pressure on DS.
I'm word-vomiting today.
I read a 4-5 year age gap can be ideal for working parents. There was a thread on OAD recently on another board, maybe ML or MMM you should read. I have an older stepson so there is an 11 year age gap between him and DS and the new baby will be 5 years younger than DS. There are pros and cons to every age gap, and it is so personality dependent on whether they will be close as adults. I wouldn't have chosen our age gaps but there are definitely some benefits to it, as well.
Post by explorer2001 on Mar 18, 2016 8:43:57 GMT -5
poundcake that's sucks. Hugs. Some people are just callous idiots. It could have happened to anyone and is 100% their fault for telling you to go ahead and then being jerks about it when their advice was wrong. It's their job to know their equipment and keep things safe and provide an enjoyable experience. They failed across the board.
You are awesome. Keep it up. You are such a great mom and role model for your girls.