Andy Borowitz: BREAKING: The National Enquirer has issued a correction of their Ted Cruz scandal story. According to the revised report, five women saw Cruz and ran away from him, screaming.
I guess you could say they all bolTED from the scene, except for one poor gal who was so nearsighTED, she had to get up real close in order to see just how busTED that face was, before she jetTED outta there, screaming the scream of the forever haunTED.
I was having a horrible day until feasTED my eyes on this. Thanks, lets be friends.