He's home.

[karmasabiotch]

It was just him and the Mom. I didn't grill him but he did it made him sad to see her because his Dad wasn't there. I don't have anything more planned at this point.

My H's Mom just picked up J to take him to dinner. He wanted to see her and she asked so I felt like I needed to allow it for his sake. I made her pick him up from my house and she has to return him to my house. I told her 5:30 and he needs to be home by 8:00. I met her in my driveway because I didn't want her to come into my house. I told her to text me when she gets back here and I will come out to get him.


She didn't say hi to me which is lame but I didn't have any expectations.  She did hug J and told him how big he has gotten.  It's been almost exactly 6 months since she has seen him.  He was scared to go at the last minute but I told him that he would be fine and everything would go great.


I want to have a giant meltdown that they have my son.  Even before all this happened he never really spent time with them unless H and I were there because they never offered to take him or include him in on things.  I'm scared she won't bring him back which I know is irrational.  I'm also scared that they will talk badly about me which when I agreed to this I said it could only be her and H's Dad and that they can't talk about anything negative in front of him because his confidence  and self esteem are at an all time low.  I also said that my H was a safe topic because J asks me questions about when his Dad was a kid and I don't have all the answers and she has a wealth of information to share with him.  I added that so I didn't sound like a total bitch.

I hate this so much right now.

I will post updates with everything else tomorrow.  I haven't been on much because I feel like I bring the board down with my posts, even though everyone is always so nice.


 

[sugarbear]

I'm sorry. I can't imagine how hard the next couple hours will be for you.

[Deleted]

I really don't have any idea why you allowed this in the first place. You're well within your rights to say no. All it will do is cause you more stress. These people are horrible to you and you have no reason to think they'll be any better to your son.

[malibu]

You don't bring the board down!

It will be OK. I know you're nervous about it, but really, if possible, try to relax and do something for just you.

I really hate this so much for you. They have been so shitty, and put both you and J in horrible positions. It makes me absolutely livid.

[Deleted]

Apr 7, 2016 16:53:14 GMT -5 @pnkbride said:

Apr 7, 2016 16:50:46 GMT -5 @ekaterina said:

I really don't have any idea why you allowed this in the first place. You're well within your rights to say no. All it will do is cause you more stress. These people are horrible to you and you have no reason to think they'll be any better to your son.

He asked to see them. She is doing the right thing by giving them a chance. This is for him. not them. I'm sure this is the one and only chance she will give them and if they mess up. Oh well. But, with him asking to see them I think it is fine to give them one chance.

I don't think so.  I think they've gone well past the right to any more chances.

[Kristinmo]

Apr 7, 2016 16:54:11 GMT -5 @ekaterina said:

Apr 7, 2016 16:53:14 GMT -5 @pnkbride said:

He asked to see them. She is doing the right thing by giving them a chance. This is for him. not them. I'm sure this is the one and only chance she will give them and if they mess up. Oh well. But, with him asking to see them I think it is fine to give them one chance.

I don't think so.  I think they've gone well past the right to any more chances.

She did the right thing.  Again, this is for her son.

[rosiebear]

Apr 7, 2016 16:50:46 GMT -5 @ekaterina said:

I really don't have any idea why you allowed this in the first place. You're well within your rights to say no. All it will do is cause you more stress. These people are horrible to you and you have no reason to think they'll be any better to your son.

Helpful.

It's already done, so why not shut up with the "how could you" recriminations?

[sallywalker]

You did the right thing. It will be ok. (Hugs)

[malibu]

Apr 7, 2016 16:50:46 GMT -5 @ekaterina said:

I really don't have any idea why you allowed this in the first place. You're well within your rights to say no. All it will do is cause you more stress. These people are horrible to you and you have no reason to think they'll be any better to your son.

This is really not helpful. She's being the bigger and (MUCH) better person here and you're trying to guilt her about it?

[notoriousmeg]

You don't bring the board down! Please don't stop posting for fear of that.
I'm sure J will be fine but I understand your worry. Hopefully his grandmother will tread lightly for his sake, and I think suggesting she share memories of YH was a great idea.

[cville]

Apr 7, 2016 16:54:11 GMT -5 @ekaterina said:

Apr 7, 2016 16:53:14 GMT -5 @pnkbride said:

He asked to see them. She is doing the right thing by giving them a chance. This is for him. not them. I'm sure this is the one and only chance she will give them and if they mess up. Oh well. But, with him asking to see them I think it is fine to give them one chance.

I don't think so.  I think they've gone well past the right to any more chances.

Well, she doesn't at this juncture and she's his mother so bully for you that you'd make different choices but that's irrelevant, too late, and unhelpful right now.

Karma, whether this outing goes well or poorly, it can be the last if it causes you (or him) too much stress. That is your right. Hugs until 8pm.

[isabel]

I'm sure that's really stressful. I'm sorry. I hope everything goes well and J comes home happy.

[livinitup]

Do you know the restaurant they are eating? With their track record, I would be tempted to check to see if they are really limiting the visit to just them. Or ask a friend to check.

And yes, you've been wanting to build this bridge, so I am glad you did. I'm sure your son is glad, too.

[snorky]

You did the right thing because YOU decided it was okay and you are his mother. If you decide for whatever reason not to allow further visits, then that is also the right thing. You are raising him, not them. Big hugs.

[Deleted]

I imagine it must be stressful but I hope it all goes as smooth as possible!

[ECB]

Good luck. I hope to read a good update tomorrow.

[FormerlyRR]

So many hugs. I'll be thinking about you all evening and sending supportive vibes.

[bittybomb]

You did the right thing and it will be ok. Take this time for yourself.

[pinkeggs]

You do not bring the board down! Sending you good vibes until 8. He will be just fine.

[amberlyrose]

We care about you and are here for you. Don't ever feel like you bring the board down.

[10nille]

We care and I hope things go well tonight for J. Try and do something nice for yourself tonight. Treat yo self!

[Eagles]

Oh karma, you don't bring us down. We're here for you. Post as much as you need.

I agree that you did the best thing for J since he asked, and I hope the visit goes quickly and that he has a nice time. Big hugs.

[Deleted]

Hugs

Personally I'd be sitting in the parking lot but I really hope they don't mess this up.

[mcsangel2]

He will be totally fine.

You really don't bring us down. Please come back and post more often! It's a stressful time and we want to help. We're here for you.

[anlo]

I hope he has a great time and the time passes fast for you. Sending big hugs.

[MixedBerryJam]

You're a better person than I because you're showing your son a remarkable amount of grace. I think you're doing the right thing letting this happen this time, but be clear that this in no way obligates you in the future. Clear with yourself, I mean. I wouldn't say anything one way or the other to MIL about future visits. And then, gently "grill" him afterwards. If other people were there, if they said anything unkind about you, I bet he'll tell you, and with that information you can decide what happens going forward. 

I can completely understand the panicky feeling of "they're going to take him" but I know he'll be okay and he'll be home soon. Also, if they're not home at 8:01 you'll know it's because they want to jerk you around and that will play into your decision about whether they can see him again. So they can do the right thing, or they can do the stupid thing.

Now, go do something soothing for yourself! (((hugs)))

[MixedBerryJam]

Apr 7, 2016 16:53:23 GMT -5 malibu said:

You don't bring the board down!

...

I meant to mention this too! Please don't think you bring us down. You lift us up!

[sassycat]

Karma, you are a great mom for allowing this. HE asked to see his grandparents, and as awful as they have been to you over this time, you are thinking of your son and his needs. Knowing this is a really tough reign for you to let go of congrats. Take some breathing time for you as hard as it is you need a bit of a break as well. I think they will be good with him and maybe just maybe will bridge a gap that all of the grief has caused.

Wishing you well, and you are not bringing the board down, I think of you and how you are doing a lot even though we don't know each other at all.

[smashley]

You're doing such a good job, karma. It's so obvious how hard you're trying for J.

[lilac05]

First, you absolutely do not bring this board down!

Second, I think you did the right thing to respect your son's wishes to see his grandparents. I will hope and pray that they will put on their grandparent shoes and use all of their energy enjoying, entertaining, and spoiling their wonderful grandson.

And I hope you are able to relax enough to take a few minutes to enjoy time to yourself. Breathe, take a bath, color...whatever gives you some peace.