Dating updates?

[jigsy]

I'm just starting to think about dipping into the dating pool again. I do not like OLD, but I have been on Tinder just so I can get the first date out of the way. I feel like I have the stink of being dumped on me (figuratively, obviously, lol).

I am trying to find more things to do out and about in order to meet people.

[Eureka1984]

These give me hope that dating will be good in time. So far I have decided I'm done with online apps. Most guys only want the girl they can have right now and I just hate how they don't want to invest in a future past the night of.

Anyways I don't mean to be on a rant..

[verycontrary247]

Apr 12, 2016 7:34:59 GMT -5 TR said:

Apr 12, 2016 0:10:32 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

I'm casually seeing a few people, but primarily one over the others. Super interested in me, really attractive and good in bed. I know he would like to date me exclusively but I, admittedly, am still hung up over hot karaoke dude and can't do it.

I feel bad about this but that wouldn't be fair to him, right?

Do you not want to be exclusive because you're hoping Hot Karaoke Dude will want to date you or you want the option to be able to see him? Or is it because you're hung up on HKD and because of that haven't been able to develop strong enough feelings for this guy?

Options 2 and 3. I don't think he will change his mind and we will want the same things.

[TR]

Apr 12, 2016 13:24:48 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

Apr 12, 2016 7:34:59 GMT -5 TR said:

Do you not want to be exclusive because you're hoping Hot Karaoke Dude will want to date you or you want the option to be able to see him? Or is it because you're hung up on HKD and because of that haven't been able to develop strong enough feelings for this guy?

Options 2 and 3. I don't think he will change his mind and we will want the same things.

I hear you. I went through that with J. This is going to sound so cheesy, but it took awhile for me to let him go and not keep a part of my heart for him. When I met BF, I wasn't there yet, honestly. So I was still dating other guys as a distraction or something. But when I finally cut off all contact, I was able to heal from that and let BF in completely.

[llh0211]

It's been awhile since I've posted on here. I'm currently dating a couple guys. One, we've been casually dating for a good 5-6 months. I enjoy his company,(we see each other every couple weeks or so) but I don't see a serious relationship with him. The other... I really like. We're going out again tomorrow, and I'm hoping to have the DTR talk with him. So things may be ending with the first guy. The bummer is he's about an hour away, and is incredibly busy. But, it'll ease up soon.

[stephreloaded]

You just made me try and think when was the last time I went on a date. I am shocked that it's been so long! It was Oct 2014 with the guy that told me I was fat and needed to lose weight.

I don't feel the need to date though but my therapist thinks that I need to try soon .

[glitzyglow]

Random dating thoughts: Why are we even programmed to find certain people attractive but not others? What purpose does it serve? Is finding a person attractive inherent or conditioned (I'm not talking sexuality, I'm talking how a person can be unattractive in the eyes of one person, but super attractive in the eyes of another person.)

[jigsy]

Apr 12, 2016 15:48:03 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

Random dating thoughts: Why are we even programmed to find certain people attractive but not others? What purpose does it serve? Is finding a person attractive inherent or conditioned (I'm not talking sexuality, I'm talking how a person can be unattractive in the eyes of one person, but super attractive in the eyes of another person.)

I think some of it is conditioned, some of it is just brain chemistry/hormones/nature.

Some of it is because our lizard brain wants us to breed and perpetuate the species so we are attracted to mates who could help us do that.

But I also think some of it is conditioned. Don't they say men date their moms, women date their dads? I have noticed that bigger noses aren't an issue for me...is it because my dad had a bigger nose? Who knows. 

It is hard when you meet someone, who is great in all ways, except the chemistry just. isn't. there. Or the opposite, lol.

[glitzyglow]

jigsy, I know my lizard brain wants sex, but why sex with certain guys? I know sometimes mates seek the strongest mates to produce strong offspring, but why am I drawn to guys with darker features and my roommate is drawn to guys with lighter features? How would that help us sustain in a lizard-brain way, lol, since both theoretically could provide us offspring if that was the desired outcome?

The types of guys I'm attracted to look vastly different from my biological father, perhaps subconsciously-but-on-purpose because I think bio father is such a super dick. I do seek men who have some qualities like my stepdad (aka Dad), but for the most part the guys I seek are much different than him, too (other than kindness...my dad is the kindest man on earth and I want a guy who is kind like my dad. And I don't mind short guys probably because my dad is short, too.).

[jigsy]

I don't think it is as easy as saying "my dad was tall, dark, handsome...thats what I want too" but I guess it is more like certain things don't feel odd too you where as others don't see it that way. Like big noses for me or shortness for you.

As for the other dark vs light, etc...I don't know. I have always been attracted to dark eyes and dark hair. Which is odd on a biological level because the ONE trait I want to share with my offspring are my blue eyes...dark eyes diminish that possibility.
But...I ended up marrying a guy with dark blonde hair and light green eyes. He wasn't my ideal match when we first met (and turns out he was't for the long run, lol) but he grew on my I guess. I still find my eye is attracted to the dark hair/dark eyes types though.

[tevagirl]

Went a couple dates with a guy, slept with him and then he got super weird and distant. I thought he was going to ghost me, but he had the balls to break it off. I'm pretty sure he thought I wanted way more out of the relationship than I actually did.

[esdreturns]

My divorce was just final on Wednesday. I'm not super interested in dating, it's not something I was ever good at. I would, however, like some sex lol. I also weirdly feel like I need to wait some set of time before dating or having the sex. Even though my marriage has been over for a long time in my eyes.

[stephreloaded]

Apr 12, 2016 16:09:01 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

jigsy , I know my lizard brain wants sex, but why sex with certain guys? I know sometimes mates seek the strongest mates to produce strong offspring, but why am I drawn to guys with darker features and my roommate is drawn to guys with lighter features? How would that help us sustain in a lizard-brain way, lol, since both theoretically could provide us offspring if that was the desired outcome?

The types of guys I'm attracted to look vastly different from my biological father, perhaps subconsciously-but-on-purpose because I think bio father is such a super dick. I do seek men who have some qualities like my stepdad (aka Dad), but for the most part the guys I seek are much different than him, too (other than kindness...my dad is the kindest man on earth and I want a guy who is kind like my dad. And I don't mind short guys probably because my dad is short, too.).

From a biological point of view, I learned that people usually tend to feel attracted to people different to them. That is why finding someone "exotic" makes us feel sexually attracted to them. This theory is called genetic variation (it is much more complex than this) and it says that usually when you mate with people significantly different to you, your offspring would be have more chances to survive. 

I do have to add that I am most definitely an exception. I find guys with dark skin more attractive than white ones. 

[verycontrary247]

Apr 12, 2016 13:29:12 GMT -5 TR said:

Apr 12, 2016 13:24:48 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

Options 2 and 3. I don't think he will change his mind and we will want the same things.

I hear you. I went through that with J. This is going to sound so cheesy, but it took awhile for me to let him go and not keep a part of my heart for him. When I met BF, I wasn't there yet, honestly. So I was still dating other guys as a distraction or something. But when I finally cut off all contact, I was able to heal from that and let BF in completely.

I'm still dating around in the hopes I'll find someone else as swoon-worthy. I feel like I have a hard time moving on until I've found a better replacement.

[daisyn]

I went on a third dates with a guy I like on Saturday. He's cool and I enjoy his company and we have laughs.
I'm not head over heels super cray cray about him which is actually a nice feeling. We have chemistry but I'm not getting carried away which I think is great.