i do most of the cooking, we each do our fair share of dishes, i clean the inside of the house, but he will help out and vacuum sometimes. He mows and edges. i will help him weed the flower beds. I'll take the trash downstairs to the basement where the cans are, but he takes them out to the curb. i refuse to let him touch the laundry.
i remember birthdays and get in touch with his family members to see what the kids want. we only recently started this, he never got them gifts, but since I buy for my family and we are now going to be married, i said we have to be fair.
i do the steam cleaning, tile steaming, clean the bathrooms, and dusting...i wish i could either get him to help dust the blinds or get rid of them, i hate blinds...
i don't ever feel like I do more and he does less, we just help each other out.
me: vacuuming most grocery shopping any appointment making/scheduling, most vet visits buy gifts/send cards pay bills dusting general picking up of things/organizing laundry mop floors
dh: bathrooms takes out trash/recycling mows lawn, any other outside chores most of the cooking
we both: take our cars in for oil changes/services dishes: load dishwasher/handwash if we didn't cook, unload dishwasher if we didn't load big house projects together i.e. painting take the dogs outside
we are not on a schedule, some things done daily, others weekly, others when things get super gross. We are both lazy.
We each do our own laundry. DH works one week and is off the next, so when he's off, he does dishes and trash. When he's working I do dishes and trash. I cook and shop. He does the lawn. When we deep clean, we do it together so no one gets resentful.
DH handles most of the food prep (cooking and grocery shopping.)
I help w/meal planning and wash dishes, but he does everything else in the kitchen. I do all of the laundry, am primarily responsible for overall household organization (schedules, kid appts., travel planning) and non-food purchases (kids clothing, gifts, household furnishings, etc.)
Food is so huge and constant that I think it works out to be about 50/50. I'm lucky: he'll even still go get DD at night for me when she wakes up b/c I have to be somewhat awake for her to nurse and he does well with sleep deprivation.
ETA: B/c we both work FT, a cleaning lady was more of a necessity than anything. I was doing it all, but when the kids came along, we knew that had to change. Worth every penny.
Lol...same. If I don't give him specific instructions, I will end up doing everything. As it is, I end up doing 90% of the cleaning, laudry, dishes, etc. But H likes to cook, so he does a lot of that. Otherwise, I'll just ask him to take out the trash/recycling...or I'll say, "Hey, can you get x, y, and z done for me this week?"
The day we hire a housekeeper will be a day of celebration for me!
ETA: And we both constantly argue over whose turn it is to take out the dog.
We're very retro here DH: takes out the trash, mows the lawn, and does projects like basic repairs and painting.
I basically do everything else with the help of a cleaning service. I SAH though so I have more time than he does to tackle chores like laundry or emptying the dishwasher. It works for us.
This is pretty much identical to how things are split in our household.
Post by bluelikejazz on May 17, 2012 14:31:06 GMT -5
I am responsible for the stuff inside the house (laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc), DH is responsible for the stuff outside the house (lawn, snow shoveling, dog poop pickup, etc)
However, this just means that we help each other out with direction and asking to do a specific task. If I'm cleaning the kitchen and he's playing video games, I'll ask him to vacuum or pick up the table or whatever. Likewise, when he goes to mow the lawn, he'll ask me to come help with some of the weeding.
I always do laundry and DH always mops and does the bathrooms. I handle all scheduling and things for the kids. I use to mow but DH has been doing it this year. I keep the clutter picked up and DH does the dishes. Whoever gets home first cooks.
We have a list of chores that we came up with together, and we each got to pick and choose in order (so we each picked our favorites first). Some chores count as more than one because of the amount of time they take. We have also had many discussions regarding expectations. For example, DH says that my expectations for the house are higher than his. We have agreed that because of this, I need to speak up if I feel like he isn't helping enough while also understanding that he just doesn't see things the same way I do.
We did the same thing regarding the chores. DH isn't as meticulous, except when it comes to vacuuming. As such, I haven't touched the vacuum cleaner in years.
He takes out the trash, puts away his clothes, and helps dose the cat's meds. If I cook dinner, he cleans up, and vice versa. We bathe DD together, but I'm responsible for bedtime routines. He keeps the basement clean and organized.
I do most of everything else: dishes, vacuuming, laundry, etc.
I just started a weekly household duties list, and it's helped me tremendously.
We're very retro here DH: takes out the trash, mows the lawn, and does projects like basic repairs and painting.
I basically do everything else with the help of a cleaning service. I SAH though so I have more time than he does to tackle chores like laundry or emptying the dishwasher. It works for us.
this is pretty much us, except i don't have a cleaning service.
Post by kimibrighteyes on May 17, 2012 15:25:07 GMT -5
We have a nanny who does some tidying up, cleans bathrooms, cleans up after supper and does a little bit of laundry. DH takes out garbage, does laundry (I do some folding), all the outside work. I do meal planning, and do the cooking on weekends (nanny does it during week). I also do the financial stuff. Generally, my work is less predictable day to day, so I don't handle routine day stuff and do more of the long term planning stuff. I also take care of kids medical needs by keeping track of their appointments etc. In the evening after kids are gone to bed, DH makes up the babies bottles and I make DD's snack for school.
I am usually home by 4-4:15 and H does not get home until 6:30-7:30. I really could make better use of that time beside catching up on Hulu Plus and being lazy.
If you see me on here in an hour remind me that my laundry needs to be put away...lol.
I was just thinking about posting a thread like this, because we are out of balance over here as well with the move and DH's new (still demanding, just in a different way) job.
We have a cleaning person. Or at least we will once I get my act together and hire one. So that person will do deep cleaning bi-weekly.
I manage groceries and cooking. H does dishes (65% of the time).
I walk the dog. H lets him out to pee quickly in the morning.
We do our own laundry, but I do communal laundry like kitchen towels.
I handle mail and bills and appointment setting and all the other random stuff. The handful of things I can't handle myself, I have to nag DH about incessantly (like going to the DMV to get a license so we could register our car; filing our $8K moving expense report--each of which has been on his to do list for a month plus).
It's that last one that is really driving me crazy right now, because I also work a full time job, and sometimes I feel like I also have SAHW responsibilities.
It's divided based on things we have preferences for. Well, really stuff I don't like to do that my H doesn't care about doing.
He takes out the trash/recycling, washes dishes that don't go in the dishwasher, puts away his own laundry, empties the dishwasher, clears the table after meals and vacuums. I do everything else. The bathroom gets done by whoever decides to do it first.
Honestly, sometimes I feel like I do too much and I get frustrated but I am home more. The only time we have conflict is when my H's shit is all over the house. But that's just because I have a husband who is kind of a slob
i think we share responsibilities pretty evenly. we each kind of contribute to tasks in different ways. i plan meals and cook, H helps by cleaning up after meals and we both grocery shop together. he does the laundry, but i help fold and put it away. we both tend to tidy up after ourselves.
Post by Velvetshady on May 17, 2012 16:23:49 GMT -5
In theory, DH does the trash, hand washes dishes, mows the grass, vacuums and dusts. In reality, he doesn't get to dusting and vacuuming very often.
I deal with the cat litter, sweep/mop the non-carpeted floors, and load/unload the dishwasher.
We split the laundry depending on who is around or do it together if we're both home. I usually do the large trips to the grocery store, he stops on the way home to pick up fresh things/missing items. We pretty much split cooking evenly.
We are both pretty lazy and we've been discussing getting a cleaning person to deal with vacuuming and dusting so it's done on a regular basis.
I do laundry, cooking and cleaning upstairs (putting away laundry, cleaning master bath). H does dishes, trash, and has poop duty in the backyard (for the dogs, not us).
Every other week-ish, we'll work together to tidy up the main floor, dust, etc.
I often feel like I do 80%+ but it is hard to say exactly.
DH does the lawn care and most weeks cleans the bathrooms and does some dusting. He also runs occasional errands and other random, less weekly stuff around the house and usually is the person to do the garbage (unless it is really stinky and I need to take it out when he's not around, or if he's sleeping when it is time for garbage pickup). In the summer he does grilling, but I do most of the prep/cleanup. He'll occasionally do some laundry but usually only when he wants something clean.
I do basically everything else - the rest of the cleaning, budgeting/bill paying, food/household item shopping, activity planning (such as making hotel reservations), dog walking/vet/food, laundry, etc.
I wish he'd do more cleaning and some cooking, but most of the rest of the stuff I do because I prefer things done my way. And TBH I cook healthier and clean better so I'd rather do that stuff too, unless he wanted to do it my way ;o) I get annoyed sometimes but I do it to myself (at least partly) so I can't really complain too much. I also have a more "normal" schedule since he works 12 hour overnight shifts and basically just works and sleeps on those days.
In your situation I'd see what I could do to make it 50%, unless you work a lot more than he does and there is a legitimate reason why you can't do more/he can do more.
Both: Cooking, bath/bedtime with the kids, cleaning the rest of the house (we usually do it together when the kids go to bed or on the weekends, and just kind of both keep going from one task to the next until it is done).
I feel like I do more, but I probably don't. We also didn't really discuss the division of the chores, we just self-selected the things we are good at/enjoy, or are available for, and then both pick up the slack for anything that is left.